What is Bisexuality?

Wikipedia defines bisexuality as sexual behavior with emotional [and/or] physical attraction to people of both genders (male and female), or a bisexual orientation.  People who have a bisexual orientation “can experience sexual, emotional, and affectionate attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex”; “it also refers to an individual’s sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them.”  It is one of the three main classifications of sexual orientation, along with a heterosexual and a homosexual orientation. Individuals who do not experience sexual attraction to either sex are known as asexual.

According to Alfred Kinsey’s research into human sexuality in the mid-20th century, many humans do not fall exclusively into heterosexual or homosexual classifications but somewhere between.  The Kinsey scale measures sexual attraction and behavior on a seven-point scale ranging from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual). According to Kinsey’s study, a substantial number of people fall within the range of 1 to 5 (between heterosexual and homosexual). Although Kinsey’s methodology has been criticized, the scale is still widely used in describing the continuum of human sexuality.

bisexual1Those Reporting They are Bisexual by Political-Gender Cohort (VL=Very Liberal, L=Liberal, M=Moderate, C=Conservative, VC=Very Conservative)

Bisexuality has been observed in various human societies and elsewhere in the animal kingdom throughout recorded history. The term bisexuality, however, like the terms hetero- and homosexuality, was only coined in the 19th century.  Read the full wikipedia account here.

In my novel, Five Married Men, all five husbands fall into the middle spectrum between heterosexual and homosexual.  They love their wives unequivocally and none regret being married, though the weight of society’s mores wears mercilessly on them, along with a lifelong indoctrination as to what defines masculinity.  They love their wives but they also face an inner struggle, an identity that they have to keep suppressed, a growing urge for an intimate connection with another male.  They fear living out their lives in a painful state of hopeless denial.  When the opportunity to explore this side of their nature presents itself, they surrender.  They are unable to equate their physical affection for each other as infidelity, but they are racked with guilt over lying to their wives.

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Five Married Men explores the unsuccessful stages of denial, the process of taking the first step, the jubilation involved when two bisexual men connect, the arguments for and against guilt, and the consequences for all concerned.  The powerful emotions experienced are an integral part of this story, both from the husband’s and the wife’s perspective.  Along the way, in this case, they discover a winning solution is difficult if not impossible to find.

Of course that’s not always the case.  Many couples, though so many tragically end in divorce, find ways to compromise and even redefine the parameters of their marriage.  More often than not, the road is difficult and emotional, but love and mutual respect often prevails, if both partners can find a way to shed “conventional wisdom” and the phantoms of social/religious indoctrination.  It takes recognizing the fact, no matter how the marital parameters are redefined, that the foundation of the marriage will always be intact, that love will remain strong and will perhaps grow stronger.

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A Song in the Park

In a complex world a man can wake up and realize he has chosen the wrong road, realize he is not happy with his life.  Another man might find himself stuck the time warp of some life-changing event.  A Song in the Park is the story of two such men.

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Justin Brooks realized something was not right as he watched his beautiful bride come down the aisle.  He panicked, fled, became a pariah in his own east Texas home town.  Confused by the demons that kept the answers hidden, he bummed around Texas and ended up in Big Bend, working as a park ranger and living a solitary life.

Fifteen hundred miles away, Michael Anderson, a San Diego surgeon, lost an eight year old girl on the operating table.  He had stayed out the night before, indulging his misguided lifestyle.  Rightfully so, he blamed himself for the little girl’s death.  He vowed to abandon his profession, abandon the endless bathhouse sojourns, the countless faceless men.  He would leave San Diego and set out  to find himself and start a new life.

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Heading east, driving through the vast west Texas desert, he discovered the inspiring beauty and mystery of the Big Bend, where he located a secluded place on the Rio Grande and built a small campfire for coffee.

Four days later, driving his routine patrol of the River Road, Justin spotted the illegal campsite and stopped to write a citation.  After a few awkward moments, somewhere in their conscious minds, both men realized, in addition to an intriguing man, they were looking at the answer to many unanswered questions.  A friendship was born.

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Beautiful Images … The Photographic Art of Jim Ferringer

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Add a touch of artistry and an image of the male body is enhanced by an aura of mystery.  Jim Ferringer has a creative gift and the imagination to accentuate the work of Mother Nature. All of these sensuous images can be purchased on prints or greeting cards here.

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Society Views Bisexuality Differently in Males, Females

By Meghan McNamara; The Post, Ohio University

In about seven years as a bisexual, Jody Zupancic encountered her share of misconceptions, from the assumption that she would be open to a threesome to the idea that she simultaneously could have a girlfriend and a boyfriend.

Until she began dating her girlfriend exclusively in December, Zupancic considered herself bisexual since she was 14 and remembers the way friends and family interpreted her sexuality.

“They assume that you’re confused and you’re going through a phase,” said Zupancic, an Ohio University senior studying history who now identifies as a lesbian.

Women who engage in bisexual behavior, however, frequently are viewed as the object of male sexual gratification instead of partners in a relationship, Zupancic said, adding that popular culture contributes to this misconception.

“It’s more of a social thing instead of a more sexual and emotional thing,” she said, referring to the term “barsexual,” which refers to a drunken make-out session between two straight female friends.

But when it comes to men and bisexuality, Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center, finds it difficult to think of a pop culture example.

Some sexual researchers seek to prove that male bisexuality doesn’t exist while many film and television story lines involving bisexual women only skim the surface, Ruthstrom said.

“I don’t think I’ve really seen something that really delves deeply into a bisexual woman’s perspective,” she said “A lot of times those women are performing for men. I think that’s really unfortunate that that’s perceived as bisexuality.”

When it comes to men, bisexuality is often viewed as form of denial for gay feelings instead of a legitimate sexual orientation, Ruthstrom said.

Other people view bisexuality as a bridge between heterosexuality and coming out as gay or lesbian instead of an orientation, said Mickey Hart, director of OU’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Center.

“(Bisexuality) doesn’t fit neatly into you’re either this or that. The reality is that there’s a whole spectrum in between,” he said. “It’s not about having men and women at the same time. More often than not it’s about having a committed relationship with a man or a woman.”

When it comes to dating as a bisexual, Zupancic said it was sometimes difficult to find understanding for her sexual orientation.

“If I told a lesbian I was bisexual, there’s less of a chance that she would take me seriously as someone to date,” she said, adding that men seem to regard bisexual women differently.

“The men think it’s insignificant, for fun and not that the woman would actually leave the man for another woman.”

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Men in Speedos

If a guy’s belly and love-handles hang over his waistline, I can understand why he might shy away from wearing a Speedo.  But what about the skinnier guys?  What’s up with those baggy outfits that sag down to the knees?  How do you swim in them?  Obvious isn’t it, male indoctrination, American style.  Never mind how comfortable they are, or sexy, or the fact they make swimming so much more pleasant . . . “real” men would never be caught dead in a Speedo.  Too bad.

Yellow Speedos

Yellow Speedos

When I lived in New Mexico, one of many memorable experiences was having a governor like Gary Johnson.  A thoughtful, logical man, he never shied away from speaking his mind, no matter how politically unpopular his position might be.  I have never admired a politician more.  He wasn’t afraid to sanction the legalization of drugs (he believed people either will or will not use drugs whether they are legal or not, and that the war on drugs only plays into the hands of criminals), nor was he afraid to get out and do a little jogging in his Speedo. (Sorry, no picture of the Governor.)

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If you can’t swim nude the next best thing is a Speedo.

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“The Nineth Gate”

There is a reason the curve of the human ass looks so sensually provocative, male or female, and it has much to do with a certain mysterious and well hidden erogenous zone.  More and more enlightened heterosexual males are lifting their hips for wives or girlfriends who have gotten past all the negative psychology, and have learned how to add a touch of spice and variety to the intimacy they share with their partners.  Plus growing numbers of women are discovering the potentially enormous pleasure of being penetrated from behind.  We are discovering the sexually sensitive and pleasurable nerve endings found in and around the anus.

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More women than not say they don’t enjoy it, but I suspect this is because of an inexperienced lover.  We hear the stories . . . wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am . . .  maybe these guys don’t know you can’t do that back there.  Here’s what the women who do enjoy anal sex say about it:

Gets Me Off

I enjoy anal sex to a large degree. The first time I did it was to please my boyfriend but I ended up enjoying it myself. I personally like to be held face down and have it forced on me. It’s very erotic and I really get off on it. – Debby, US

Wish I’d Known Sooner

I just had anal sex and it was the greatest feeling in my life. Yes, at first it hurt a little. However, it was well worth it. If I would have known it felt like that I would have done it years ago. – Anonymous, Vancouver, BC

Happy Bunny

Anal, I love it. It has to be my favorite sex act. We usually do it 3-4 times weekly. My preference is to finger my cunt a little and let my cum trickle down between my ass crack, and then I’m ready for some deep ass pounding. As long as it’s deep and hard, I’m a happy bunny!

Loving Bond

My husband and I have been having anal sex for about 15 years now. We both like this kinky exercise. We have the strongest orgasms then. Our naughty sex practices are a firm bond to our relationship. – BB, UK

I’d Never Do Without Anal

Anal sex is a regular part of our sex life and I would never do without it. My preference is anal sex with me in the doggy position. No matter how he’s stretched me with his fingers there’s still some resistance and I admit to loving it. Once his head is in he pauses and gives me time to adjust. The feeling is exquisite and I have to keep my hand off my clit because I could cum right then. It’s all so damn wicked and I love giving myself to him this way. I love the times he gets balls deep and slams away while I play with my clit, teasing myself, almost cumming. When I have to cum I let him know and tell him to cum up my ass. I rub my clit wildly while he slides in and out and explodes magnificently. I love anal sex! - Karen, US

Best Feeling Ever

One night while he was licking my ass he asked if he could fuck it, so I said yes. He literally ran to the bathroom and grabbed the lube. After a few minutes of massaging my asshole he lubed up and slowly pushed it inside and it was one of the best sexual feelings I’ve ever experienced. I could tell he liked it even though he won’t admit it, and when we do have anal sex now he makes it seem like it’s just for me but he is never as hard as he is when we have anal sex and he never makes the noises he makes with anal any other time either. We both secretly know that he loves it whether he’ll admit it or not. – Anonymous, US

Comments from: www.analsexyes.com

Of course it’s been part of gay and bisexual men’s lives for countless centuries …

Depiction of Hadrian and Antinous

Depiction of Hadrian and Antinous

…though not all gay and bi men are into it.  They are as put-off by anal sex as many are in the general population.  They prefer oral, mutual masturbation or sex without penetration, also known as frottage.  These are the guys who, as much as they enjoy m2m sex, believe penetration emasculates males.

But anal intercourse is only part of the picture.  By pushing your thumbs inside the gluteal cleft and parting the cheeks, you have the visual affect of seeing the most intimate part of your lover’s body, not to mention unleashing some powerful pheromones that will enter your nostrils and set you sailing, provided your lover hasn’t just washed them all away in the shower, not that I suggest lovers come to bed dirty.  But even when we’re clean, we sweat down there, which creates a powerful and inviting perfume, not lost on the human mind and body when in the throes of escalating sexual excitement.

This kind of intimacy presents an opportunity to bond with someone, to become as intimately close as two human beings can, to use your fingers and tongue, to send sensations through your lover that pushes him or her over the edge.  Just let go, include this ultimate foreplay in your love-making, leave the land of narrow minded social parameters and enter a world of human sensual adventure. Continue reading

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How Can I Find Out if He is Bisexual?

How can I “catch” him?

I’ve run across a number of websites that outline ways wives can “catch” their husbands in some type of activity that proves he’s bisexual or gay, usually through his computer history: websites he visits, movies he watches, even read his e-mail.

My God!  What kind of a marriage is this?

Why not forget all the duplicity and secret agent stuff and just ask him?

Don’t be defensive or accusatory, and don’t  blurt out the question one night at the dinner table.  Try a far more thoughtful approach.  If you have reason to believe your husband is bisexual, you must, to some extent, already be prepared to learn that he is; you can therefore  plan and control the atmosphere that will be created when you ask this question.

He probably doesn’t know you’ve been thinking about this for a long time.  He doesn’t know you have reason to suspect.  He isn’t expecting you to question him on this most taboo of subjects.  So lay some mental groundwork in your own mind before you stage the question; in other words be mentally prepared to orchestrate a civil, productive discussion.  Be prepared, for now anyway, to set your emotions aside so that if you learn your marriage is going to somehow be redefined, your starting place will be rational.  You can go out and kick the garbage can all over the back yard in anger at some later date. Continue reading

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Male Bisexuality

Early recognition.

Excluding both extremes of the spectrum (men who are exclusively gay or exclusively heterosexual) most men fit in the broad middle which can be defined by one of several levels of sexuality.  Early in life most of these men become in touch with their attraction to females; they find the opposite sex enchanting, alluring, exciting and sexually desirable.  They want to spend time with them, have a girlfriend, and they eventually recognize a compelling desire to get married.  It’s simply a matter of crossing paths with the girl he’s attracted to, the one he’s in sync with philosophically, and the one that finds him equally attractive.

Within this broad middle, he may simply enjoy an extraordinary kinship  with another male, or he realizes he feels a  physical attraction to those of his own sex.  The attraction may be compelling, or it may be fleeting and vague, which can be easily ignored though reoccurring given certain circumstances (the sight of a pair of extraordinarily well-fitting jeans).  For the guy at this end of the spectrum, once he finds himself involved in getting his adult life started, he may come to believe these feelings have disappeared entirely, only to discover they haven’t at some point down life’s long road.  It’s like the phantom inside him has gone into hibernation, though certain to reawaken one day.  Near the other end of the spectrum, a young man will most likely be receptive to some kind of physical experience with another male, or he may even pursue m2m sex.  The broad middle ranges from simple male bonding, to irresistible curiosity, to a recognized desire to explore something sexual.

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Almost always a secretive characteristic, sexually developing teenage boys often experience an attraction to other males   It’s not uncommon for boys to masturbate together or masturbate each other, or to explore each others body.  At some point, for most boys, the weight of what he’s been taught about being a man intervenes and he learns to bury these natural desires.  He moves on, shifts his focus over the years to life’s other circumstances: marriage, children, career.  The innocence curiosity of his youth is buried under layers of responsibility. Continue reading

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An Intimate Table for Three

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By Mark S.

Lorena stepped out of the accounting office … MY accounting office! and walked past the cubicles of her coworkers. They waved and smiled, some sadly, as she passed. She entered the large shared office of Craig and Stephen, the co-owners of TreeHuggerz, Inc. Here we go, Lorena, breathe deep and keep your shit together. As usual, the glass doors of the brightly sunlit office were open wide. Craig was sitting behind his desk, resting the weight of his rugged frame on his elbows. Stephen, tall, thin, and childishly energetic, was sitting on the desk and swinging his feet. Both men stared so intently at her that Lorena felt heartsick.

“Come in, Lorena”, said Craig, with his disarming smile.

“And close the doors behind you” added Stephen with a fake sneer.

Lorena’s discomfort tripled as she closed the doors. Craig and Stephen were open with their employees, and closed doors always meant something heavy was going down. She imagined everyone watching the meeting and speculating what was being said. Craig offered her a chair with a sweep of his hand, which she politely declined. Stephen jumped off the desk and moved behind it, standing next to his seated partner. Stephen was trying to act stern and angry, and the effect would have been comical in other circumstances. He was such an exuberant free-spirit that he seemed like a teenager. Grey hair at his temples and the deep laugh lines around his blue eyes were the only evidence that he was well into his forties.

Craig spoke.

“Well, Lorena, tomorrow is Friday. Your last day with us. We were shocked two weeks ago when you gave your notice. We respect your choice, but we REALLY do not want to let you go.”

Oh, Craig, if you only knew what would make me stay. “I know. It’s not an easy decision. I’ve really enjoyed working here. You both have been great to me” Continue reading

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Naked Yoga: A Stripped Down Exercise

For the past 10 years, Ray Whetstone has been teaching a nude yoga class in Oakland Park. Whetstone demonstrates the pigeon pose. (Sun Sentinel/Article by Michael Laughlin / May 5, 2009)

I am straight.

I repeat that to myself as I walk into a dance studio, pull off my shirt, and drop my shorts and undies onto the wood floor.

I’m surrounded by 17 other nude men – and mirrors.

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In a moment, we’ll start practicing yoga.For 20 years, I’ve taken yoga classes in sweaty gyms, incense-drenched studios and even in an office conference room. But always with my clothes on.

Tonight will be different for me, but not for most of the men in the room. Ray Whetstone has taught naked yoga for more than 10 years in South Florida. I learned about it by stumbling across his site, arcoirisyoga.com.

Arco iris is Spanish for rainbow; most of the men here are gay.

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“The automatic assumption is that nudity is sex,” he says. But not here. He notes that in all his years of teaching, every man’s dog has remained downward.

I place my mat in a corner spot, so I’ll have one neighbor instead of two. In the minutes before class starts, I stretch out in corpse pose, so I won’t have to look. When we stand up to start the class, I tilt my gaze slightly upward, so if I see anything, it’s faces and shoulders.

Then I fill my head with yoga-ese.

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Yoga is all about letting go of external labels that get in your way, I remind myself. Going within. Testing your focus.

Besides, if anyone’s looking to score, it wouldn’t be with this 50-year-old.

“We’ve had straight boys here before,” says Whetstone, who in 1998 became the first openly gay elder ordained by the Presbyterian Church. An optometrist, he commutes to Naples four days a week to work. Teaching naked yoga two nights a week is his recreation. Continue reading

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