What is Bisexuality?

Wikipedia defines bisexuality as sexual behavior with emotional [and/or] physical attraction to people of both genders (male and female), or a bisexual orientation.  People who have a bisexual orientation “can experience sexual, emotional, and affectionate attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex”; “it also refers to an individual’s sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them.”  It is one of the three main classifications of sexual orientation, along with a heterosexual and a homosexual orientation. Individuals who do not experience sexual attraction to either sex are known as asexual.

According to Alfred Kinsey’s research into human sexuality in the mid-20th century, many humans do not fall exclusively into heterosexual or homosexual classifications but somewhere between.  The Kinsey scale measures sexual attraction and behavior on a seven-point scale ranging from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual). According to Kinsey’s study, a substantial number of people fall within the range of 1 to 5 (between heterosexual and homosexual). Although Kinsey’s methodology has been criticized, the scale is still widely used in describing the continuum of human sexuality.

bisexual1Those Reporting They are Bisexual by Political-Gender Cohort (VL=Very Liberal, L=Liberal, M=Moderate, C=Conservative, VC=Very Conservative)

Bisexuality has been observed in various human societies and elsewhere in the animal kingdom throughout recorded history. The term bisexuality, however, like the terms hetero- and homosexuality, was only coined in the 19th century.  Read the full wikipedia account here.

In my novel, Five Married Men, all five husbands fall into the middle spectrum between heterosexual and homosexual.  They love their wives unequivocally and none regret being married, though the weight of society’s mores wears mercilessly on them, along with a lifelong indoctrination as to what defines masculinity.  They love their wives but they also face an inner struggle, an identity that they have to keep suppressed, a growing urge for an intimate connection with another male.  They fear living out their lives in a painful state of hopeless denial.  When the opportunity to explore this side of their nature presents itself, they surrender.  They are unable to equate their physical affection for each other as infidelity, but they are racked with guilt over lying to their wives.

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Five Married Men explores the unsuccessful stages of denial, the process of taking the first step, the jubilation involved when two bisexual men connect, the arguments for and against guilt, and the consequences for all concerned.  The powerful emotions experienced are an integral part of this story, both from the husband’s and the wife’s perspective.  Along the way, in this case, they discover a winning solution is difficult if not impossible to find.

Of course that’s not always the case.  Many couples, though so many tragically end in divorce, find ways to compromise and even redefine the parameters of their marriage.  More often than not, the road is difficult and emotional, but love and mutual respect often prevails, if both partners can find a way to shed “conventional wisdom” and the phantoms of social/religious indoctrination.  It takes recognizing the fact, no matter how the marital parameters are redefined, that the foundation of the marriage will always be intact, that love will remain strong and will perhaps grow stronger.

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A Song in the Park

In a complex world a man can wake up and realize he has chosen the wrong road, realize he is not happy with his life.  Another man might find himself stuck the time warp of some life-changing event.  A Song in the Park is the story of two such men.

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Justin Brooks realized something was not right as he watched his beautiful bride come down the aisle.  He panicked, fled, became a pariah in his own east Texas home town.  Confused by the demons that kept the answers hidden, he bummed around Texas and ended up in Big Bend, working as a park ranger and living a solitary life.

Fifteen hundred miles away, Michael Anderson, a San Diego surgeon, lost an eight year old girl on the operating table.  He had stayed out the night before, indulging his misguided lifestyle.  Rightfully so, he blamed himself for the little girl’s death.  He vowed to abandon his profession, abandon the endless bathhouse sojourns, the countless faceless men.  He would leave San Diego and set out  to find himself and start a new life.

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Heading east, driving through the vast west Texas desert, he discovered the inspiring beauty and mystery of the Big Bend, where he located a secluded place on the Rio Grande and built a small campfire for coffee.

Four days later, driving his routine patrol of the River Road, Justin spotted the illegal campsite and stopped to write a citation.  After a few awkward moments, somewhere in their conscious minds, both men realized, in addition to an intriguing man, they were looking at the answer to many unanswered questions.  A friendship was born.

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Beautiful Images … The Photographic Art of Jim Ferringer

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Add a touch of artistry and an image of the male body is enhanced by an aura of mystery.  Jim Ferringer has a creative gift and the imagination to accentuate the work of Mother Nature. All of these sensuous images can be purchased on prints or greeting cards here.

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. Continue reading

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“The Nineth Gate”

There is a reason the curve of the human ass looks so sensually provocative, male or female, and it has much to do with a certain mysterious and well hidden erogenous zone.  More and more enlightened heterosexual males are lifting their hips for wives or girlfriends who have gotten past all the negative psychology, and have learned how to add a touch of spice and variety to the intimacy they share with their partners.  Plus growing numbers of women are discovering the potentially enormous pleasure of being penetrated from behind.  We are discovering the sexually sensitive and pleasurable nerve endings found in and around the anus.

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More women than not say they don’t enjoy it, but I suspect this is because of an inexperienced lover.  We hear the stories . . . wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am . . .  maybe these guys don’t know you can’t do that back there.  Here’s what the women who do enjoy anal sex say about it:

Gets Me Off

I enjoy anal sex to a large degree. The first time I did it was to please my boyfriend but I ended up enjoying it myself. I personally like to be held face down and have it forced on me. It’s very erotic and I really get off on it. – Debby, US

Wish I’d Known Sooner

I just had anal sex and it was the greatest feeling in my life. Yes, at first it hurt a little. However, it was well worth it. If I would have known it felt like that I would have done it years ago. – Anonymous, Vancouver, BC

Happy Bunny

Anal, I love it. It has to be my favorite sex act. We usually do it 3-4 times weekly. My preference is to finger my cunt a little and let my cum trickle down between my ass crack, and then I’m ready for some deep ass pounding. As long as it’s deep and hard, I’m a happy bunny!

Loving Bond

My husband and I have been having anal sex for about 15 years now. We both like this kinky exercise. We have the strongest orgasms then. Our naughty sex practices are a firm bond to our relationship. – BB, UK

I’d Never Do Without Anal

Anal sex is a regular part of our sex life and I would never do without it. My preference is anal sex with me in the doggy position. No matter how he’s stretched me with his fingers there’s still some resistance and I admit to loving it. Once his head is in he pauses and gives me time to adjust. The feeling is exquisite and I have to keep my hand off my clit because I could cum right then. It’s all so damn wicked and I love giving myself to him this way. I love the times he gets balls deep and slams away while I play with my clit, teasing myself, almost cumming. When I have to cum I let him know and tell him to cum up my ass. I rub my clit wildly while he slides in and out and explodes magnificently. I love anal sex! - Karen, US

Best Feeling Ever

One night while he was licking my ass he asked if he could fuck it, so I said yes. He literally ran to the bathroom and grabbed the lube. After a few minutes of massaging my asshole he lubed up and slowly pushed it inside and it was one of the best sexual feelings I’ve ever experienced. I could tell he liked it even though he won’t admit it, and when we do have anal sex now he makes it seem like it’s just for me but he is never as hard as he is when we have anal sex and he never makes the noises he makes with anal any other time either. We both secretly know that he loves it whether he’ll admit it or not. – Anonymous, US

Comments from: www.analsexyes.com

Of course it’s been part of gay and bisexual men’s lives for countless centuries …

Depiction of Hadrian and Antinous

Depiction of Hadrian and Antinous

…though not all gay and bi men are into it.  They are as put-off by anal sex as many are in the general population.  They prefer oral, mutual masturbation or sex without penetration, also known as frottage.  These are the guys who, as much as they enjoy m2m sex, believe penetration emasculates males.

But anal intercourse is only part of the picture.  By pushing your thumbs inside the gluteal cleft and parting the cheeks, you have the visual affect of seeing the most intimate part of your lover’s body, not to mention unleashing some powerful pheromones that will enter your nostrils and set you sailing, provided your lover hasn’t just washed them all away in the shower, not that I suggest lovers come to bed dirty.  But even when we’re clean, we sweat down there, which creates a powerful and inviting perfume, not lost on the human mind and body when in the throes of escalating sexual excitement.

This kind of intimacy presents an opportunity to bond with someone, to become as intimately close as two human beings can, to use your fingers and tongue, to send sensations through your lover that pushes him or her over the edge.  Just let go, include this ultimate foreplay in your love-making, leave the land of narrow minded social parameters and enter a world of human sensual adventure. Continue reading

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Male Bisexuality

Early recognition.

Excluding both extremes of the spectrum (men who are exclusively gay or exclusively heterosexual) most men fit in the broad middle which can be defined by one of several levels of sexuality.  Early in life most of these men become in touch with their attraction to females; they find the opposite sex enchanting, alluring, exciting and sexually desirable.  They want to spend time with them, have a girlfriend, and they eventually recognize a compelling desire to get married.  It’s simply a matter of crossing paths with the girl he’s attracted to, the one he’s in sync with philosophically, and the one that finds him equally attractive.

Within this broad middle, he may simply enjoy an extraordinary kinship  with another male, or he realizes he feels a  physical attraction to those of his own sex.  The attraction may be compelling, or it may be fleeting and vague, which can be easily ignored though reoccurring given certain circumstances (the sight of a pair of extraordinarily well-fitting jeans).  For the guy at this end of the spectrum, once he finds himself involved in getting his adult life started, he may come to believe these feelings have disappeared entirely, only to discover they haven’t at some point down life’s long road.  It’s like the phantom inside him has gone into hibernation, though certain to reawaken one day.  Near the other end of the spectrum, a young man will most likely be receptive to some kind of physical experience with another male, or he may even pursue m2m sex.  The broad middle ranges from simple male bonding, to irresistible curiosity, to a recognized desire to explore something sexual.

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Almost always a secretive characteristic, sexually developing teenage boys often experience an attraction to other males   It’s not uncommon for boys to masturbate together or masturbate each other, or to explore each others body.  At some point, for most boys, the weight of what he’s been taught about being a man intervenes and he learns to bury these natural desires.  He moves on, shifts his focus over the years to life’s other circumstances: marriage, children, career.  The innocence curiosity of his youth is buried under layers of responsibility. Continue reading

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Sex-ting

My God!  So it’s come down to even this.  We Americans are so uptight about nudity, we are willing to criminalize our children.  How did this kind of thinking ever survive the Sixties?

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No one in their right mind would condone child abuse committed by an adult … they are child abusers plain and simple; they need to be locked up.  But this issue is entirely different.  It’s like comparing a common cold with cancer.  A thirteen year old girl sends her friend a nude picture of herself: she’s not a wayward young girl–she’s a purveyor of child pornography.  A seventeen year old boy has sex with his fifteen year old girlfriend: he’s not a misguided kid in love–he’s a child abuser and so labeled for the rest of his life.

So this modern day phenomena called sex-ting has gotten the self-righteous moralists in our society up in arms.  Once again, the sky is falling, never mind the natural curiosities in all normal children.  Instead of teaching them self-respect, that the human body is a beautiful thing, not something young people should be e-mailing to their friends, but something to be shared with someone special when they grow up … instead they’re being kicked out of school, arrested, labeled as sex offenders,  their lives ruined and their self-body images contaminated.  Is this what we want going on in our society?

Why not try some good parenting, preserve their innocence, and help them understand self-respect?

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How Male Bisexuality Got Cool

By Rachel Kramer Bussel: editor of Best Sex Writing 2009 and host of In The Flesh Reading Series.

Two men on couch From TV bromances to political man crushes, male bisexuality has gone mainstream. But is it a sign of true sexual attraction-or just an act?

Last year, when Charles Forman, the 29-year-old heterosexual founder of the popular gaming Web site I’m In Like With You, was caught on camera holding hands with 22-year-old Tumblr founder David Karp (also straight), the first thing he did was send the photo to the gossip blog Gawker. “Did you see the gay picture?” he instant-messaged the Web site, which then posted an entire photo montage of the two boys in various states of PDA. Forman then linked back to the montage from his own blog.

“He wasn’t the typical macho straight guy,” says one woman of her bisexual boyfriend. “I got off on it.”

The whole episode had more than a whiff of publicity seeking. (Gawker calls Karp and Forman “fameballs.”) Still, the very fact that the pair of Internet wunderkinds decided that cultivating a mystique of bisexuality could help their careers says something about the moment we’re living in. “Why would any straight guy call a press conference to announce his bisexual inclinations, unless the whole thing was intended as a joke?” asks Ron Suresha, editor of Bi Men: Coming Out and Bisexual Perspectives on Kinsey. “I don’t know why these famehounds claim to be bisexual, but they don’t set off my ‘bi-dar’ one whiff. While I’m hopeful that their posed bisexuality is a harbinger of a new generation of heterosexual men who are actually willing to face their bi desires, from a distance this photo-op male ‘bonding’ seems completely contrived.”

Still, whereas bisexual women had their fling with pop culture in the 1990s-when everyone from Drew Barrymore to Madonna messed around with women, not to mention the famous Vanity Fair cover showing Cindy Crawford shaving k.d. lang-”bromances” are now the driving force behind Hollywood comedies and Style section features, as men find more ways to play for both teams, or at least act like they do.

Examples are everywhere. In John Hamburg’s recent movie, I Love You, Man, the gay guy who unwittingly goes on a date with Paul Rudd isn’t just played for laughs, but to some degree, sympathy. This summer will also see Lynn Shelton’s buzzed-about Humpday, in which two straight male friends decide to make a homemade porn video. And Brody Jenner’s reality show Bromance blurs the line separating friendship and attraction in what Videogum’s Gabe Delahaye calls “basically the gayest thing ever, made more gay by everyone’s desperate attempts to provide chest-bumping proof of their heterosexuality.”

The term “man crush”-which, like bromance, connotes a male relationship that resides somewhere between platonic and romantic-is already this year’s official media catchphrase. “Rams GM Devaney Has a Man Crush on Eugene Monroe” gossips manlier-than-thou NFLGridironGab.com. “Warren Buffett’s Chinese Man Crush” titters the headline on a Business Insider profile of CEO Wang Chuan-Fu. And while it’s not all that surprising to find Newsday’s music critic proclaiming his “man-crush renewed” after a Seal concert, it’s less expected in a Boston Globe story about President Obama and Nicolas Sarkozy, or in an AOL News piece about the King of Saudi Arabia.

It’s an emerging version of male bisexuality that’s more pose than sincere. The celebrities who engage in it take pains to make it clear they’re straight-half-ironically goofing around, often as a blatant grab for attention. But the fact that they’re even taking it that far is something new. Take Jimmy Kimmel’s 2008 YouTube sensation “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck,” created in response to his then-girlfriend Sarah Silverman’s “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” video. Five years ago, few male celebrities went there, and the ones who did were often already branded as outsiders, like Michael Stipe. Now, the most mainstream of leading men clamor to act bi for the camera.

In addition to these tongue-in-cheek, sometimes tortured expressions of straightish-male love are indications that some men-non-celebrity civilians-are embracing a nuanced version of bisexuality as well. Benoit Denizet-Lewis profiled a bisexual bodybuilder named Todd in his book America Anonymous, which was released in January. Todd’s clients are mostly gay men, but some just like watching him “flex and show off.” These are men who say they’re bi or straight-and Todd believes them. “It’s just a fetish for them,” he says. “Over time, I’ve seen them have successful marriages with their wives. They seem to be very happy, from what I can tell.”

Gay men have long fetishized straight guys, but what’s happening now goes beyond that. It’s not just about being seduced into a same-sex encounter, but about men claiming bisexuality or bi-curiosity on their own terms. Hence, it makes sense that, according to Humpday director Shelton, her film, even with the gay sex, is “about being straight. But specifically, it’s about the limitations of straightness and it’s about how absurd the extremities of straightness can be, basically.” Continue reading

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Adam Lambert

I don’t watch much TV.  Never have watched American Idol … until I ran across this:

Who has the balls to take Johnny Cash’s Burning Ring of Fire, rearrange it, sing it and not ruin it?  Who is talented enough to make this song his own?  Who, these days, hits notes that make the fine hair on your neck stand up?

I had to learn more about Adam Lambert!

Tonight begins the final round on American Idol.  Does it matter if he wins or not?  Of the finalist on this show, there have been many we love to listen to: Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood,  Taylor Hicks to name a few–but there has not been a mega star, a performer with great looks, amazing talent and incredible showmanship.  I would love to see him sing with Cher.

Lambert has been a stage actor since he was about ten years old; he was cast as Linus in San Diego’s Lyceum Theater’s production of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.   He also played a part in The Ten Commandments: The Musical at the Kodak Theatre alongside Val Kilmer.   He was the understudy for the part of Fiyero in the touring and Los Angeles casts of the musical Wicked.   Since 2004, he regularly performs at the Zodiac Show, which was co-created by Carmit Bachar of the Pussycat Dolls.  He also performed at the Upright Cabaret.

He’s a dynamo on stage.

FROM THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, THE MUSICAL

Everything he has sung on American Idol has amazed the judges, every song incites the audience.  No matter the genre, no matter who sang the original song, Adam infuses his style and makes them original.  Some of his songs work better than others, but they are always as fascinating as he is to watch.

Is Broadway ready for a star who is part Elton John, part Mick Jagger and part David Bowie?  Time will tell.  All we have to do in the meantime is fasten our seatbelts and enjoy the ride.

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