Thinking about a husband having sex with another man is anathema to most women.  Actually seeing it is unthinkable.

For others it’s an integral part of their marriage.  Some wives are not only present, they participate.  They not only witness their husbands give and receive sexual pleasure with another man, they explore and receive sexual attention from two men at the same time.   Not that they were necessarily predisposed to intimacy with someone other than their husband, they were, however, able to contemplate being married to a bisexual man with an open mind, weigh the consequences, accept the circumstances, and then decide to be connected to this part of her husband’s nature.  For many, coupled mutually agreed upon and acceptable parameters, the experience turns out to be liberating and personally rewarding.

These women have decided they do not want their husband’s bisexuality to divide their marriage, or be denied, or see him live out his life in quiet desperation.  They don’t want to worry about him meeting other men secretly.  Even when they have decided he should have a special friend, they don’t want him living a separate life one or two nights a week at some vague rendezvous away from home.  They have prepared themselves spiritually. morally and psychologically to be part of her husband’s relationship with another man.

For wives searching for common ground with their bisexual husbands, this scenario can seem complicated and daunting.  On many levels, depending on the wife’s long held beliefs, it is.  However, based on the accounts I have read, bringing a new dimension into the marriage can also be stimulating, rewarding, and even exciting.  Often a man and wife become closer, based on the fact that this is a newly discovered way to be part of each others soul.  A new understanding has revealed itself, a new closeness, revealed by way of compromise found in very few of today’s marriages.

I’ve read testimonials and have heard from women who say, after witnessing their husbands together with another man, they have never felt closer or more in love than they do having experienced this.  Usually from those who would have found such circumstances unimaginable in their past.  It seems something happens to them, something from inside, something born from a mind that has been swept clean of clutter and predisposition.  It must be impossibly difficult for a woman that has spent her lifetime defining marriage with popularly accepted boundaries, to redefine it and recognize borders that have been moved.  I suppose it just takes walking a mile in her shoes.

The Third Party

The successful adventures I’ve read over the years all have a few important elements in common.  These couples have brought another man into their lives or perhaps another couple.  Meeting him socially, over a period of time, they found they could trust him.  Typically he’s another married man, not promiscuous, not interested in casual sex, but looking for a long term relationship with some level of emotional involvement.  Both the husband and wife find him attractive, and both like him; and through open discussion, all involved agree on the parameters.

Your husband loves you as much or more than he ever has.  To him, his connection with another male doesn’t replace you with someone else, it’s a response to the whispers he hears from inside him.  It fills a void there is no hope you could ever fill, though your understanding has made his life come full circle.  He’s feels energized, he no longer feels part of his soul missing; most likely, now that he is sharing this with you, he feels he will be a better husband than ever.  He feels relieved, he has nothing to lie to you about, nothing to hide.  He’s free to love and cherish you without trying to ignore or deny something that feels so important.  He feels like he’s sharing with you the essence of life.

And what do you get in return, besides an enlightened husband?  You get to stick your toe in a refreshing pool of water that very few have even seen.  You get a detour from the routine, a re-energizing of a female libido that has perhaps grown a little complacent and bored.  You get a color added to the rainbow that forms in your mind when you watch the man you love sleeping.  You get a reason to buy some new panties and to paint your toenails that new shade of red.  You get a new awareness of your body and the youth you once thought was sneaking away toward the next generation.  If you’re anything like the women who have set off on this path before you,you may just find that you get far more than you bargained for.

For many there’s more to it than intimacy or a night now and then in bed.  There’s friendship and commonality.  There are times spent together socially: playing cards, going to the theater, dinner out, attending a baseball game.  A friendship has been born, an extended member of the family has been invited in, a threesome privately set apart from the general brotherhood of mankind; and you, no longer encumbered by the dictates of autocrats from ages past, have secretly come to believe that those around you have cheated themselves from one of life’s most intimate and beautiful dimensions.

There are many husbands and wives struggling with this issue.  If you are among those who have experienced intimacy with a third person with your wife or husband (or if you’re among those contemplating it) please leave a comment on the outcome.

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