The recent opinion editorials and responses highlight how much of a flash point this topic is in the LGBT community. As fun as it is to banter about, what does the research suggest? In the case of bisexuality, the picture is “Yes, there is bisexuality.”*
Every once in a while the research makes the picture more confusing. The “*” requires us to look at the fine print. The fine print almost always requires a clarification of what we mean by the term “bisexual.” The lack of precision in understanding the term is the source of much of the confusion.
Starting with the granddaddy of psychology, Sigmund Freud defined bisexuality as the ability to get sexual pleasure from a male or female. Strictly speaking, he emphasized genital satisfaction and suggested since all of us can be sexually stimulated by anyone we are all bisexual. Obviously, this view has significant limitations.
The concept of “situational sexuality” applies Freud’s theory. This is behavior where a “straight” guy engages in same-sex behavior. This type of behavior is often present in prisons, same-same sex institutions and other times when the only available partner is the same sex. Other times include when a person is under the influence of chemicals or is engaging in compulsive sexual behavior [such as being in prison with no sexual options except with other men].
In a similar way, a “gay-guy” can engage in genital contact with a woman. Men who consider themselves gay have sex with women for any number of reasons, ranging from wanting children, denial of their orientation, social pressure or various other reasons. This is why researchers emphasize same-sexual behavior versus same-sex identity. Behavior is what I “do” whereas identity is how I see/label myself.
The fact that we perform sexually with anyone raises a problem. Using an analogy, simply because it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck doesn’t mean it’s a duck. If it is not a duck, what else could it be?
Many people in the coming out process misuse the term bisexual. It’s their way of attempting to minimize their gay identity as they come to terms with a same-sex identity. This part of the coming out process is where I think the most damage is done to those who have a true bisexual orientation. During the coming out phase many people initially say they are bisexual but ultimately they realize they are gay. So when they see someone else who identifies themselves as bisexual they assume the person just hasn’t embraced who they really are yet.
Moving away from a view of sexual orientation as an “either/or” idea, the “granddaddy” of sexuality research, Alfred Kinsey developed the “Kinsey” continuum to highlight attraction on a scale of 0-6. Typically “straights” score themselves 0-1 and “gay/lesbians” score themselves 5-6. In the middle are those who are attracted to the both sexes, the “bisexuals.” Kinsey’s research estimates about 4.1% of women and 9.6% of men are bisexual. Another major study (National Health and Social Life Study) estimates 3.3% of women and 5.8% of men identify as bisexual.
People often think bisexuality is only about sex but there are many variables to consider. Some researchers look at three variables of genital behavior, physical attractions, and emotional attraction. For instance, think about who you connect with emotionally. Think about who you are attracted to intellectually or socially. I may be attracted to men on a physical level, but connect better with women on an emotional level. One researcher uses 7 different variables to define sexual orientation. By looking at some of these variables you get the idea that the answer to whether someone is bisexual will “depend” on how you ask the question.
Dr. Weston Edwards is a psychologist licensed by the Minnesota Board of Psychology. He specializes in individual, couple and group counseling and has specific experiences working with sexuality, spirituality, chemical dependency and mental-health issues. He is in private practice at the Sexual Health Institute Dr. Edwards is also on staff at the Pride Institute providing sexuality and chemical dependency treatment for the LGBT community. His first book “Living a Life I Love“TM: Healing sexual compulsivity, sexual addiction, sexual avoidance and other sexual concerns is now available.
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My daughter came out bi at 13.
Her shrink said it was a phase, that there was no such thing as bisexuality.
I looked over my glasses at her and said “You know, 24 years is a helluva long PHASE.”
Way to go mom, I wish I had that kind of support. However I don’t have and have never told my mother or father that I am a Bi man.
Every situation is so unique, so different. I’m also J, also a Bi-man, often with gay emotions mixed in, it’s a lifelong journey, with no right or wrong answers, simply each us to find the way that is kind and true to ourselves, to our true partners, and to our parents, for without them we simply would not be here. Nothing else matters.
PS sometimes by intuition our mums, even our dads know, well that’s my experience, and without saying a word, acknowledgement, we smile in those moments and in our hearts hear them say ‘I know, it’s ok, I love you for who you are, my beautiful son or daughter.’