Or another way to put it:  How does it feel to be bisexual? (From a male perspective)

First and foremost it feels like a gift.  To look at both men and women and recognize the beautiful distinctions in both, to be attracted to the physical and emotional differences, to be aware of your attraction to both and be able to allow yourself to feel the natural harmony inherent in these feelings, is one of life’s greatest rewards.

There’s something about being a man, looking at another man, realizing he’s attractive, realizing you would like to know him, spend time with him, perhaps even touch him.  There’s the mystery and magic of seeing another man naked, seeing his body as something beautiful, attractive, sensual, inviting.  There’s something about being at one with another man’s mind, relating to it, identifying with it, sharing that particular man his innermost thoughts.  There’s something about being a man who can be intimate with another man, to know the joy of exploring a body similar to your own, a masculine kiss, the sensation of holding his genitals in your hand, their texture and weight, their ever changing size and shape, their warmth, their taste, always aware of their purpose, and yes, the feel of his penis inside.  There’s something about trusting another man, of knowing him so well you can share with abandon all of the secret treasures of your sexuality.

There’s something about all these things that are  hard to define, hard to put into words, though these irresistible elements cannot be denied no matter how severely we are indoctrinated, no matter how completely these notions are condemned.  The power of of our instincts will always flourish; they are part of us and cannot and will never vanish.

There’s a feeling of being set apart from the general brotherhood of man, a recognition of certain facets of life that other men don’t seem to have or understand, and you feel a certain pity for them because they don’t have the gift, or they don’t allow themselves to identify it.  You believe if only all of mankind were bisexual, were to acknowledge it, then our collective ideology would be free to create institutions, such as marriage, with broader colors, and create a society free of unnatural taboos and narrow minds.

Yet, for most bisexual men, there is another, perhaps even more important, facet to his persona.  Though he wants to connect with and is inspired by other men, he recognizes his overwhelming attraction to women; he recognizes her uniquely feminine perspective, her softness, her exquisite shape and the purpose of her body, her strength, her insights and intuitions, her powerful capacity to love, her ability to make his life complete.  He recognizes his desire to love her, to make a home with her, to build a life with her, to grow old with her.

Then he meets her; maybe a friend introduces her, or she might have just transferred into his department at work.  He gets to know her, spends time with her, they go out.  Before he realizes what has happened, he has fallen in love.  Nothing else matters.  His bisexuality is pushed to the back burner.  If the door opens to talk to her about it, he will; if not, it doesn’t matter.  All he knows is that he wants her in his life no matter what her position on bisexuality might be.  If he suspects she is put off by it, or if he’s afraid he would lose her, that’s okay, she never has to know.

Therein lies a bisexual man’s dilemma.  If only the women we fall in love with were bisexual, or at least recognize the fact that we only want to bring our lives full circle, that our attraction to men is no threat to our relationship or marriage.  If only she could allow that part of us to see the light of day, to breathe, to reach for its own horizon, or perhaps even be part of it. (See Two Husbands)  But for most of us, that’s not the way it is.  It may be a bisexual man’s idea of a Utopian world, but it conflicts with human nature, whether these elements of human nature exist by way of indoctrination or by way of our genes.  So many bisexual men face a struggle, an inner conflict, the chore of unwanted decisions.  This is the part of male bisexuality that feels more like a curse than a gift; it brings on feelings of emptiness, of loneliness, of dealing with an unanswered inclination for the rest of his life.

So life goes on.  Each man deals with it in his own way.  Some men stay single; they never have to decide between a man or a woman, just enjoy whatever relationship they happen to be in.  Most eventually get married.  Not only do they have a compelling need to be loved by a woman, in today’s world it is the only path to the many benefits of a traditional life.  Some of these men will act on their urges; they’re open to hooking-up from time to time for a quickie, or they have secret boyfriends.  Some have opened-minded wives who agree to a boy’s night out.   Most stay quiet about their sexuality, keep everything inside, face the fact that they made a choice and have chosen the hand they were dealt.

Me?  Well, I write novels.  Books about like-minded men who deal with the emotions that are caused by their sexuality and reflect the very things that come from inside me.  I invite these characters into my life and pen their story, their challenges, their failures and victories.  I come to know them and identify with them, and we seem to sympathize with each other.  And they often inspire readers from all over the world to write to me, many of whom become my friend, someone else I connect and identify with.  So that’s the answer for me, along with a wonderful marriage that provides the greatest gifts of life.

Related posts:

1. Male Bisexuality
2. What is Bisexuality?
3. Yes Virginia, There Really Is Bisexuality*