The following article from gay.com reflects a point-of-view many gay men have. Sadly, it misses the mark, and does nothing to enhance human understanding. To deny the existence of bisexual men, simply because they are also attracted to to men, is tantamount to what a straight man might surmise when he gazes between his girlfriend’s legs: “With this available to any man, there can’t be such a thing as gay men . . . only men who are afraid of women.”
From gay.com, By: Ari Bendersky
There’s a joke that’s been floating around for a while. Questions: What’s the difference between a gay guy and a straight guy? Answer: about a six pack. For many gay men, landing a straight guy is tantamount to getting a great job, buying a Porsche or heading out on a two-month trip of Europe. It’s a goal a lot of gay men set for themselves, but one that they rarely achieve. When they do, questions arise: Is the guy really straight? Is he bisexual? these questions usually beg a final question: Is it really possible for a guy to be bisexual? There are a lot of opinions about this, but when you ask gay men, the answer is often “No.”
In our culture, if a guy has oral or anal intercourse with another guy, most would say that he’s gay, because, for many of us, “being gay” describes a man who has sex with other men.
Sure, we can say that many other things go into being gay, but sexual activity is what many of us believe what makes up the person who is gay. A man could be into leather and Levi’s; he could really like theater; he could really be into fashion. These interests don’t necessarily make a man gay, though. But when this man has sex with other men, there’s really no denying what camp he falls into.
So what do we make of these guys who define themselves as “bi”? Are they really fooling themselves as they screw their way down the path to gayhood, or do they really enjoy having sex with women? I realize that some people are just sexually charged and will take it wherever they can get it. But I say that if you’re a guy having sex with another guy, chances are there’s a part of you that’s in denial, and only time will tell when you finally come around to the realization that, yup, you’re gay.
A lot of guys are all about animal instinct. We get it when we can. We need to drop our seed and move on to the next guy. OK, OK — I just heard a collective scream from all of you who believe in the sanctity of a monogamous relationship. Of course emotions play a role in gay male relationships, and there’s no question that men can commit to each other. But think about how many gay couples you know who play around, either together or separately. Why? Because gay men like to screw.
And we like to watch people screwing. How many porn stars are “gay for pay”? These hot, buff, sexy guys who start out doing solo scenes, and then they let some guy have oral sex with them, and next thing you know they’re a Falcon exclusive bottoming for everyone. But then you hear they have wives or girlfriends away from the cameras who are very understanding and supportive. Or are they just stupid? Are these guys really doing it for the money and fame and glory? My opinion is that they’re not bi. They’re not straight. They’re gay and they’re fooling themselves. Or they’re fooling us. But do we care? As long as they bring the six pack, we’re usually pretty OK with it.
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I believe that there are different degrees of enjoyment in any kind of attraction and we get to know the road by walking it. I am a man and attracted to men and married to a woman. I’ve tried bottoming for someone, and it was not all bad, though it still felt like fulfilling your duty. The same can be said for giving someone a blow job. It’s OK, but it feels like work. Its great to receive a blowjob, though! I love kissing men, It’s all good! Mutual masturbation and frottage must be some of the best times I’ve had with men.
I do understand that we’re not all the same and that’s OK. To say that we will all end up enjoying the same things in the same way is just making assumptions based on loose and subjective facts. I wish we as humans could stop putting people in boxes, simply because we need validation for who we are. We’re different, it does not make half of us liars because we acknowledge the fact. Rather make peace with your own nature and learn to enjoy the variety there is on offer.
Great blog, Martin! Still looking forward to reading one of your novels, think I will try ’5 married men’ first. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Ralph,
I agree, we are all different, with our own individual boxes. That’s what make life and being human so interesting. And once we discover our same-sex attractions we must explore them in our own way. As for trying one of my novels, Five Married Men is the most popular, followed closely by A Song in the Park. I hope you enjoy the read.