No one knows how many married men live their lives hiding a secret.

Men who have chosen a traditional life, who have concealed their sexuality,  who have tried in vain to ignore the pulls and tugs inside them, who have  never allowed themselves to explore their attraction to other men.  Perhaps you married one of them.  Perhaps he lives next door.  Perhaps he’s your father, your brother, your cousin or your best friend.  Perhaps you are him.

Five Married Men is a story about men who have found themselves in this situation, their lives and their emotions; five happily married men who finally decide to act on their urges.  The reader sees inside their minds, sees how this dilemma affects their lives and the women they are married to.

An Excerpt from chapter 11:

In a room high above the city, a small island of space and time,  five men plan to give themselves over to the mysteries ingrained in them before leaving the womb. In their hearts they had become brothers-within the privacy of four walls they were five nervous men on the threshold of an age-old fantasy. Together in secrecy they would explore the compatibility of their minds and bodies, knowing very little of each other, yet more than the rest of the world would ever know.

The first to arrive, Tim rented the room. One by one they dialed his cell phone from the lobby, and he let them in when they knocked on the door. The last to arrive, James took a chair near the window that overlooked the downtown skyline. They sat around the room in skittish knots, the world that would condemn them locked beyond a bolted door. They were a collection of sweaty palms and bodies comprised of identical poetry, of minds filled with doubt and adventure; five men standing shoulder- to-shoulder, trying to cast off their guilt on a road with no clear horizon.

From his armchair, his head back, his hands folded in his lap, Jorge thought back to his days in the Navy. He had lived among men and been among them naked in the showers. His thoughts then had taken him to places he could never venture. Tonight, he would find himself among naked men again, only this time with a collective new promise. They were men at one with firm male shapes and masculine smells and less common urges that, to them, seemed natural. Jorge had thought about his new companions all week, letting his mind take him to that familiar realm of unrealized dreams. Now he was here in their midst, a fraternity where his secrets and perspectives were welcome, and where the dreams could very well materialize into something real.

Jake sat nervously on the edge of the bed. He still felt self-conscious, especially now, sitting in the intimacy of a hotel room among four handsome, well-shaped men. He had started a new diet the very day he met them, found the rowing machine and dusted it off. It didn’t matter his wife had made a few amusing comments about his attempt at a few sit-ups before going to bed that night. Everything had changed. Oh, they made him feel good about himself, not only about being a man, but being a man whose soul, in part, lived in the shadows. He believed with all of his heart that they were sincere, that they were who they appeared to be and would accept his masculinity as like their own.

James had battled the nettlesome logic of his thoughts all day. Tripped up with concern over what they had gotten themselves into, he had warred with himself since dawn: the lies, the fear of getting caught, the setting himself apart from the general brotherhood of men-thoughts diluted by mental images of nude men and the heat that lived every minute of every day in the palms of his hands. Now uncertain of what to expect, he sat with his back to the glittering lights of the city, one among five nervous men who had gathered to shed light on their secrets and reveal their innermost thoughts. Now was the time, he realized, to relax and seek peace with his demons.

David sat in the chair between Jorge and James. Observing the body language in the room, he had not expected the conflicting and nearly overwhelming emotions of euphoria and doubt. Being hidden away with these men was more trying than he had expected. How different they were from each other: their backgrounds, their aspirations, even the color of their skin. Yet they were the same, in that the riddle of their genes compelled them to be here. Still, underneath the anxiousness and tension, forever struggling to hold its own against guilt, was the calm down deep inside. He looked at Tim, boyishly innocent and full of life; there was a gleam in his eyes and a curious smile as he surveyed his new companions. Resting against the chair back, David watched the young man, anticipating the notions he likely brought to the room.

Leaning against the dresser, Tim was the calmest of the five. Head tilted sideways, eyes shifting from man to man, he realized the group needed a leader. He had come prepared. He got to his feet and stepped from one man to the next, stroking each face, lending reassurance through his fingertips. He felt their eyes follow him to the center of the room, where he scanned their faces and stood with his weight on one leg. “If there’s no objections, I have a thought on how to proceed.”

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