Regarding one of the most controversial subjects in America society, same sex marriage, I found this piece to be eloquent, concise and thought-provoking. Whether you agree with the author or not, this is exactly how each side of the issue should be presented in order to maintain a constructive dialogue.
From AfterEllen.com
By KarenR
I know there have been a lot of topics set up on bisexuality and what bisexuals are into and all that but I believe this point of view has not been represented here before. I believe same sex couples should get the same legal and financial rights as heterosexual couples but I don’t believe LGBT are entitlted to the word “marriage.” I would prefer it if marriage was kept out of state issues and left to the Church, however, till that happens LGBT should be able to accept that compromise of civil unions which offer the same benefits. Maybe it’s because of my religious and cultural upbringing but I don’t see why gay people want the word marriage. As an out bisexual in a opposite sex relationship with a bi guy, but who has been in numerous same sex relationships I think the difference between opposite and same sex relationships couldn’t be greater. A same sex relationship can’t offer all that an opposite sex relationship can and vice versa. So why not have different words? Why the fixation on SSM when there are other issues of greater importance? Personally, I like fitting in, being the majority, and not being an outlier too much to make my primary relationship a same sex one. But that doesn’t mean i don’t like to engage in same sex play on the weekends by hanging out at gay bars. I like having a taste of both worlds but still I think it’s important to differentiate between both relationships.
To all the biphobic gay people out there your concerns are justified because i don’t know about other bisexuals but I tend to value heterosexual privilege and opposite sex relationships more than same sex ones, especially due to the biphobia in the gay community, and also because apart from personal satisfaction and enjoyment same sex relationships don’t have the same amount of societal value as opposite sex ones. Procreation is an important element of marriage and if two people cannot procreate they cannot offer the same amount back to society that they receive and they should not receive the title of “marriage.” To raise a child deliberately without a father and mother is unfair for a child. Sunday is father’s day in many countries and children without any story involving a father are prone to feel left out. Same with gay male couples having children and mother’s day. I don’t oppose LGBT couples having children but both a mother and father should be identified for the child, rather than replaced with parent 1 and parent 2. A lot of people who would otherwise be supportive of gay rights are not because of the belligerent nature of the gay rights movement that demands but does not compromise and because of changes they believe may affect them. I used to be really into the gay rights movement of same sex marriage but all the bi and hetero bashing made me re-evaluate things.
I respect LGBT relationships but I believe if same sex couples want the same benefits as opposite sex couples you should seek civil unions and not try to take over an institution because you want “respect and dignity.” I don’t see LGBT in the Eastern world or in developing countries attempting that and with the population growth in Western countries the way it is you’ll be overtaken by those who respect traditional marriage in no time. I think it is a fundamental mistake for us, or t he wider gay community, to take on religious institutions and ask them to change because that will never happen.
LGBT here should follow the steps of those in the UK who are happy with civil unions and not want marriage. Gay superstar Elton John also echoed similar words.
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It is truly a vexing question…of it’s resolution, whatever that may be, it must be one that harmonizes the inherent values and beliefs of all individuals, without threatening the fundamental human right right of any. Is that possible, well anything is possible, it just depends on how rigid we are about our views being right, for after all they are just views.
While I agree that a child would feel left out on certain days like mother’s/father’s day, it’s still because society views the rights of the LGBT community to be 2nd class; the very nature of the days. You could say the same thing about any child raised in a community with other religious views, they are going to feel left out on those special days when the whole country is celebrating their own cultural festivities, ie. Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, ect. That doesn’t mean they should have to give up their own cultural differences, nor should it make them any less important than the general population. The LGBT community is a fairly recent cultural development, and it is in no way a religion. But every culture has their own way of marriage, and since the only way of having our relationships regarded in the same, equal way as everyone else is using the term “Married” then I don’t see what the problem is. To use any other term is to regard us as 2nd class, and in a country where we are all supposed to be equal, I find it offensive.
Lest it be necessary to emphasize, this one bisexual does not speak for all bisexuals. Most bisexuals support equality for all LGBT in all aspects of life. And most regard their same-sex relationships with equality to opposite-sex relationships. I for one do not have much regard for a person who only goes into the LGBT community to “play” but does not respect the need for equal rights and responsibilities. If this particular bisexual only wants sex from women and nothing more, that is her preference and good luck to her. But many more bisexual, pansexual, and queer identified women have made long term commitments to women partners and, certainly, they deserve to have their relationships protected.
As for the old “civil unions” vs. “marriage” argument, for most it is a question of strategy or what they think can be achieved now vs. not wanting second class citizenship. I doubt that argument will be resolved here, but I am for full equal civil and human rights for everyone.
Regardless of what the contract is called, do you feel that same-sex couples should have the same legal protections provided by the state and federal government to those in a standard marriage contract?
I personally approve of same-sex marriages. However, since this is a democracy, all views must be considered and respected. If we are not to have same-sex marriage in the near future, certainly every American should have the same legal protections within a civil union as a married couple. I believe, at some point in the future, we will have generations who find it difficult to believe there was ever a question as to whether same-sex marriages should be legal or not.