MTV’s new season of Real World DC has cast a young man I think represents today’s refreshing attitude toward sexuality among his generation. Mike Manning, a twenty-two year old student from Thornton, Colorado is taking time off to be part of the show. He came out just before filming began. The following is an excerpt fr0m his interview with MetroWeekly.
Mike Manning (Photo by Todd Franson)
Interview by Will O’Bryan
MW: When you came out, that was as bisexual, right? You identify as bi, not gay?
MANNING: Yeah. I dated girls. I had my first serious girlfriend when I was 16 and lost my virginity to her. I dated girls all the way until my sophomore year of college. So I was straight.
MW: Were your parents okay with you liking guys too?
MANNING: In the beginning, they weren’t so much. They were nice, and they gave me the whole, “You’re our son and we love you anyway,” things like that.
The way I came out is I wrote my parents like a five-page letter. I tried to include everything. “I am telling you this because you are my parents. I love you.” We’ve always been very, very close. I’d played football with my dad, and we’d go fishing and shoot guns. I can stay in and watch TV with my mom and do whatever she does. My whole family, we’re very close. So I was like, “This isn’t a reflection on you. This is how I was born. I just want to include you in every aspect of my life. I don’t want to lie to you and tell you I’m going to the movies when I’m really going to a gay club.” I was just trying to be honest with them.
I sat them down, they read the letter, and then I was like, “Do you have any questions?” That was it. My dad was like, “Are you sure you’re gay or bi or whatever? Are you sure you like men?” Yes, Dad. “Are you sure it’s not a phase?” No, Dad.
I think the female body is very appealing. I enjoy seeing boobies and everything like that. [Laughs.] I feel the exact same way when I see a [male] Calvin Klein ad. I said, “This is how I was born and it’s taken me a long time to accept that. Believe me, Dad, I’ve thought about the whole ‘phase’ thing, and it’s definitely not a phase.”
My mom started crying. She said, “Does this mean I’m not going to have grandkids?”
“No, Mom, I’m still having kids. I’m still going to have a good job. I’m still going to work hard and do everything else.”
My mom was worried it will make my life harder. She was like, “Mike, you’re prom king. You have all these things going for you. You’re a jock. You get straight A’s. You’ve always been like the perfect child to me. I don’t want this to be your imperfection.” That hit me harder than anything else. She was putting me on this pedestal, holding me to a really, really high standard. Like everything else doesn’t matter because this is what she’s going to focus on, and she’s my mom. Is society going to focus on this? Are people going to judge me and overlook everything else that I’ve done just because of the gay thing? That’s what really made me upset about society in general.
A little bit after that, I talked to my brother. My brother and I are very close. We go to parties together. We play football together. He’s three years younger than I am. He said, “You wouldn’t be telling me this if you had a doubt about it.” The way he put it was awesome. I’ll never forget it. He goes, “It’s all right, Mike. Either you like the taste of pie or you don’t. I don’t want you to pretend to be somebody else around me just to make it okay.” He was the one I was most worried about, and he took it the best — even though it’s still kind of awkward sometimes.
MW: Did coming out affect your relationship with the church?
MANNING: The church that we go to now as a family is a little more conservative than my “come as you are” church. They don’t know about me. It’s not like I’m ashamed of it. I just go to church with my family, listen to the sermon, participate in the bake sale, sing at the old folks’ home and stuff. People don’t ask me, so I don’t broadcast. I don’t walk into church with the rainbow flag on.
If the pastor pointed me out in the middle of the sermon and said, “Hey, Mike, have you slept with a man?” I’d say, “Yes. Only God can judge me, but do what you want.” I’ve prayed about it for years and years. I have cried about this more than everything else.
MW: Many people struggle with their relationship with their church when they come out. It doesn’t seem that was a problem for you.
MANNING: It’s not about the church — it’s about the religion.
People get so caught up about some church saying all gay people are going to hell, so they hate all religion. It’s like getting mugged by an African American and judging all black people as being robbers — you just can’t do that. Those churches that preach hate and fire and brimstone, I don’t agree with. If you look at the core of the Bible, Christianity, of Judaism, of Islam, all the major religions of the world, if you’re going to worship Buddha or Jesus or a flying elephant, it’s all about love and being humble, loving your neighbor and treating other people how you want to be treated. It’s having respect for the Earth and for mankind and for the human condition. The core values are the same.
There are churches that use the Bible to oppress people that say “If you come into our church we’re going to judge you. We know the Bible. We think we are better than you. You’ve got to tithe this much and you can’t work on the Sabbath day.” They’re a little twisted. They’re so insecure that they feel like they need to use the Bible to judge people. I think it’s bullshit.
Church has been one of the best things in my life. When I was coming out and I felt I couldn’t tell a soul and I was really confused, I would read the Bible. I was like, if I lose everybody in my life, at least I have God, at least I have someone up there that loved me enough to die for me 2,000 years ago. If people that are coming out did turn to God and realize that God is about acceptance and love, they might be able to use that as a source of comfort instead of another obstacle to face.
MW: Norm Korpi, who was on the very first season of Real World, told me the show’s edits presented him as bi, although he’s gay. You can confirm that’s not happening with you, right?
MANNING: No, no. I hate America’s obsessive need to categorize everything. You’re either black or white. You’re either gay or straight. You’re either this or that. Even in the gay community, there’s like this biphobia. Everybody’s like, “You have to be gay or straight. You can’t be bi. You can’t like both. It’s not who you are. Blah, blah, blah.” Isn’t that committing the same crime they’re preaching against? They’re saying, “Don’t judge me, but I’m going to judge you within our own community.”
People should not give a shit. The question “What are you?” shouldn’t even exist. If you’re attracted to somebody, flirt with them. See where it goes. I like guys and girls. I’ve dated girls, had sex with girls and enjoyed it very much. I find females very attractive. I find males very attractive. If I want to date a guy, I’ll date a guy. If I want to date a girl, I’ll date a girl.
And I can tell you honestly that every gay guy so far, when we’ve actually gotten to know each other, they’re like, “Wow, I think you really are bi. You really do like girls.” A lot of older gay guys that I’ve talked to, they say, “Oh, you’re not bi. You’re just saying that. It’s a transitional phase.” Whatever.
MW: So you’ve gotten a dose of biphobia?
MANNING: Absolutely. A lot. For whatever reason, God hardwired my brain to be aroused with both and I’m not going to question it. I’m just going to live my life and be honest with people. I like who I like.
People should stop, take a second and think to themselves, “Hey, does this affect me?” Who they like, who they want to marry or sleep with or spend the rest of their life with, does that affect me? If the answer is no — and 99.9 percent of the time it’s going to be no — then keep walking.
If somebody doesn’t like me because I’m bi, then I’ll move on. I could give two shits. Get your nose out of my business.
MW: You’re also pretty casual about the terms “gay” and “bisexual.” You’ve used both to describe yourself.
MANNING: I am casual, because I think that’s the way it should be. Honestly, it doesn’t make a difference to me. For the sake of other people trying to understand me or whatever, I say “bisexual.” Right now, I am looking to date a guy, so if they want to call me “gay,” that’s fine. But I’m going to lunch with my ex-girlfriend next week. If we hit it off, start dating again, start sleeping together, I’m straight again?
I think “gay” and “bi” are interchangeable. I can say, “Yeah, I’m gay, but I still like girls.”
“Hey, I’m straight, but…” That doesn’t work so much.
Do what you want with the terms. I just want it understood that I hate categories and I hate being labeled. I’m “Mike-sexual.” That means if I want to date a 100-year-old Aborigine, I’m going to do it and I’m not going to give a shit what anybody else thinks.
