A plea that could be repeated countless times by men around the world, rooted in an age-old conflict: A man has a great desire to be married, build a life and a family with a woman, yet his natural desire for a man is overwhelming.

From a support group for bisexual married men:

I’d like to start by saying that I love my wife, we are very happy, and our sex life is good. We have been married for about a year and are expecting a child in a few months, both of us are very excited about that. When I asked my wife to marry me I made a commitment to her that I would never be with anyone else and I plan on honoring that vow. I did not have very many sexual encounters in my teens or twenties just a few one night stands and short relationships all heterosexual. I told myself that I was waiting for the perfect girl which is now my wife.

With that being said I have always fantasized and masturbated about being with a man. I would say that about ninety percent of the time my sexual fantasies involve men, and sometimes I even think about it when I’m having sex with my wife. I don’t like having these thoughts, but I have always had them. I don’t think that I could ever be with a man emotionally, ordering pizza and snuggling on the couch with a man on a Friday night is not something that I think I would enjoy. Before I got married I did meet a man on the internet and we were going to meet up, but I chickened out. I think now that I’m married, the fact that I can’t do that any more or have that option is driving me crazy. I seem to think about it more and more, a lot more than I ever did before I got married.

I guess I would just like some help to minimize these thoughts, I know that they will most likely never go away and I have come to accept the fact the I am bisexual even though I have never been with a man. Like I said I don’t plan on experimenting with a man even though I’m sure I would like it (and that could be what I’m scared of) I made a promise to my wife and I plan on keeping it. I feel like I am being unfair to my wife by having these thoughts, but I do love her more than any one in the world as both a friend and a lover. I could not ever image loosing what we both have together.

Thanks

There are no easy answers.  One man, two distinctly different desires.  Society and the church defines what’s right and wrong in situations like this, but is that definition compatible with Mother Nature?  Who’s to say what’s right or wrong when instincts are so powerful?  I fully sympathize with this man, though I personally can’t understand why a guy would want a physical relationship with another man without an emotional connection.