Perplexed by Male Sexuality

Here is a question I been asked recently. It’s not uncommon.

“I am over 50 and have always wondered if I was on the wrong path! I love the pic’s of men, but have never had an intimate relationship with another man! I’m interested in trying sex with a man and have fantasied about this kind of a relationship! I would love to suck another mans dick and not feel self-conscientious about it! How do I approach this situation! … I need more than a woman!!!!”

My reply:

There seems to be a hint of desperation in your unvarnished but heartfelt question. Fact is, many men do not confront their bisexuality until they reach their forties or fifties, sometimes even later. Then what you have is a lifetime of accumulated, but subconscious sexual tension. Families have been raised. Careers are long since established or winding down. At your age, a man has a lot of time to think, to appraise his life, to recognize what he has been missing.

Perhaps this man has recognized the signs early on, then chose to ignore or deny them. That’s the path many men follow in our homophobic world today. It’s a shame we’ve been indoctrinated by rigid religious mores and ancient autocratic morals, when the desire for affection with other men has been encoded on our genes. Men like to be with men, socially, affectionately and yes, even intimately. Some men simply like getting naked with other men. Others may see nothing wrong with mutual masturbation, though they will almost certainly suffer guilt. Others, based on their values, their perceptions of masculinity combined with guilt, periodically seek out strangers for a quickie, usually to get it out of their system, or because of their circumstances at home. Others (my personal preference) want a relationship, a boyfriend so to speak, a bond with another man complete with trust and respect. Then some men accept the fact they are gay and go on to lead a gay lifestyle. Continue reading

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Can a “Gay” Man Go Straight?

The answer: Quite simply the answer is NO.

But some scientists and religious groups say it’s not only possible, it happens. Wrongly, they are arguing against human genetic codes, as if to say that men wake up one day and decide they want to be gay, then change their minds at sometime in the future. As I see it, a man can no more change his sexual orientation than he can change his skin color. We’re born the way we are. Gay men want nothing to do with women sexually, except for perhaps a certain curiosity that is usually settled with a regrettable tryst.

I think what’s confusing these scientists and religious organizations is they are applying their theories to bisexual men, not gays. Certainly many bisexual men grow up believing they are gay, simply because they interpret any attraction to their own gender as gay. Many of these men will eventually realize something is missing in their lives. They discover their natural attraction to women. They have a desire to father children in the traditional sense. They recognize the magical connection between a man and a woman, and they want the kind of emotional love only a woman can provide, not to discount the powerful bonds that are possible between two gay men.

So these men come to believe they want to “turn straight”. Fact is they are not converting from anything. They have only decided to choose the other of the two paths given to them by Mother Nature, which confuses a lot of scientists and religious organizations, not to mention the man himself and everyone who knows him. As complicated as human sexuality appears to be, it is really quite simple … we are born the way we are.

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The following article written in 2001 is from the Washington Post. It is a perfect example of the confusion I am talking about. Continue reading

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A “Gay” Man’s Dilemma

Do Gay Men Turn Straight?

The  following question came by email recently.

Hi Martin … Thank you for sharing your experiences and providing some interesting reading. I have had relationships with men since I was 16. During my teenage years I would have said that I was attracted to both sexes, but always seemed to go back to men because I felt comfortable with them. In my 20′s I identified as being gay and came out. I have been in several gay relationships and have never questioned my sexuality until I turned 30 and started to become sexually attracted to woman. I experimented with porn and I found myself excited watching straight sex. At the same time I was also thinking that I have always wanted to be a father and have a family, and I was getting to the age I would like to do this. I have never had a relationship with a woman, and I have only had a brief sexual encounter when I was younger that did not work for me.

So I decided to make sure that I could become sexually aroused and that all the bits and pieces worked. As I have never really approached a woman, and did not want to get into a relationship, nor would I know how to. Additionally I am in a relationship with a man. So I decided to visit a sex worker. It was a highly liberating experience. I could not describe the intensity. It felt natural and just right more so than being with a man. I walked away thinking I want to be with a woman, and in a relationship. My penis felt like it was in the right space, I had huge amounts of pre-cum, breasts were beautiful, and I think I could play with a vagina all day long. I have a serious dilemma now and don’t know how to feel, what to do. My friends think I am gay, my partner is a male, did I come out too quickly, why would this all be happening now, how many guys go from gay to straight, and if I was to change how do I tell a woman who I have been with in the past. Any thoughts? Continue reading

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Small Game Hunters

From The Telegraph, United Kingdom

Zimbabwe ‘sperm hunters’ picking up male travellers

Gangs of women in Zimbabwe have been picking up male travellers to have sexual intercourse and harvest their sperm, according to reports.

Gangs of women in Zimbabwe have been picking up male travellers to have sexual intercourse and harvest their sperm, according to reports.

Susan Dhliwayo claims she pulled her car over recently to pick up a group of male hitchhikers and they refused to get in, because they feared they were going to be raped.

“Now, men fear women. They said: ‘we can’t go with you because we don’t trust you’,” 19-year-old Miss Dhliwayo recounted.

Local media have reported victims of the highway prowlers being drugged, subdued at gun or knife point – even with a live snake in one case – given a sexual stimulant and forced into repeated sex before being dumped on the roadside.

The sperm hunters first surfaced in the local press in 2009 but police have only arrested three women, found with a plastic bag of 31 used condoms in October. The attacks have continued since they were nabbed for allegedly violating 17 men. Continue reading

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