I Want To Be A Good Husband

I have no physical relations with my wife because of my sexuality. I had a relationship with a man before my wife and I married and now I feel alone and miss him very much. But I also want to be a good husband. How can I improve my marriage? (edited for clarity)

My Reply:

This is a heart breaker for both you and your wife. I suspect there are a good many marriages devoid of intimacy for any number of reasons. Often it’s because the husband realizes he is no longer attracted to his wife, but is attracted to men. In many cases he still loves her. Loving someone powerfully often has little or nothing to do with sexual attraction. Plus he may like the idea of being married and living a traditional life, even if sex in not part of the equation.

There is not a likely winning solution for you. You have three choices. You can go on living your life the way it is now in a state of quiet desperation, keeping your emotions bottled up inside. Or you can leave your wife and seek out a man, perhaps even the one you had the past relationship with. Or you can talk to your wife, tell her about the man in your past and your attraction to men. By talking to her, at least the two of you will hopefully have an understanding. And she’ll know your lack of interest in her body isn’t her fault. If she can’t abide being married to a gay or bisexual man, you’ll have to deal with your marriage ending. Very sad scenario. But if that were to happen, in the end the two of you will be better off.

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