Bisexuality … One Woman’s Challenge

I often hear from women that are grappling with their husband’s or boyfriend’s bisexuality. Often their story touches my soul. Pam’s challenge for example. She has been going with her boyfriend for five years, basically a marriage when it comes to affairs of the heart. Three years in, she learned her boyfriend has had a quickie with another woman, which led to his confession about his bisexuality and his countless encounters with men.

Here are Pam’s own words:

“I stumbled on your website and signed up immediately after reading your pages on bisexuality. My boyfriend is bisexual and it took nearly 3 years before he told me about it. We have been together for five years.

His experiences in our relationship were frequent anonymous encounters with men and occasionally a female, but his attraction is mainly to men. When he told me about it, it came about after I discovered he has slept with another woman. Telling me that it was rare for him to be with another woman, left me extremely hurt because I didn’t believe him. But, when he told me about being with other men and that he had been with hundreds, I realized we had a more than his bisexuality to discuss. Continue reading

Copperas Cove … A Review on Amazon

***** – Copperas Cove – November 27, 2011

By R. A Rippy “rarippy” (Shelbyville, Tennessee United States)

This story takes place in 1954 during the segregated era. One man is on a journey to get away from his hometown and impending divorce to start a new life. His car breaks down near a small town in Mississippi (Copperas Cove) and he ends up staying there and his life takes a whole new turn. The racial divide is high and he ends up changing the way people think about Blacks by breaking down barriers and stereotypes that still lingered in the town despite it being the time of the demise of segregation. This book has it all that occurred during this era with lynching, beatings, murder and being falsely accused of a crime due to the color of your skin. There is romance and even a hint of homosexuality but as trademark of Martin Brant, it was tastefully done. I am Black and it hurt to read about the injustices done to my people during that time but it did happen and the sad part is that it is still happening today. Due to Martin’s outstanding writing style, while reading this book you will feel as if you are actually there while reading each page. Despite the subject matter, I really enjoyed this book and did not put it down until the last page. Some may be offended about the subject content of this book but it happened so it is what it is.

Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and most E-book devices

Accommodating Women

I don’t title this piece lightly.If you Google transsexual or transgender about all you get is escort services and porn, which is fine if that’s what you’re looking for. I’m more interested in the woman, the girl that wants a boyfriend and an everyday life. There is a good size community of these girls, some pre-op and others who have gone through sexual reassignment surgery. The girl I find intriguing is the one who has decided to keep her penis, though everything else about her is female. My question is: Is she the girl you would like to be in a serious relationship with?

The following questions and answers are from Michael at TS Girlfriend

Not all girls are born female. There is a special class of woman out there, with a different set of attributes than the “genetic girl,” or GG. It’s the transsexual woman, or “TS.” A woman who used to be a male. “Pre-Op” refers to the fact that she has not had sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), the sex-change surgery.

Definitions: A “pre-op transsexual” is a woman in the wrong body, one who has breasts (through taking female hormones and/or breast implants), and a cock. A TS is almost always living full time as a woman. A “non-op transsexual” means that the TS will not have SRS. Usually that is also the case with a pre-op TS.

1. Why would a guy want to date a pre-op transsexual?

A lot of guys who show interest in TS’s are, in fact, bisexual. Others are bi-curious. Still others are looking for cheap thrills. Some men find TS’s to be more feminine than GG’s. And then, of course, there are guys who seem to just plain connect better with a pre-op transsexual than a GG.

For the guys just seeking a sexual experience, there are plenty of shemale escorts available who will happily provide an exciting experience for a fee, without any danger of commitment. Don’t know any escorts? Use a search engine, search under keywords “shemale escorts (enter name of your city or state)” — odds are you will find what you need.

TS’s tell me that most of the guys who contact them are, in fact, bisexual or bi-curious. They say these men are often looking for a same-sex experience but packaged in such a way that they have deniability. They seek to deny (to themselves, probably) that sex with a person who has both tits and a dick is homosexual in nature, when the guy is sucking that dick or getting fucked by it.

Some men find today’s so-called independent woman to be not very feminine at all, overly assertive, argumentative, prone to characterizing a simple male advance as “harassment,” and a general pain in the ass to be around. One guy told me dating a so-called independent woman “is like dating your brother.” Who among the women of today delight in being extremely (and classically) feminine? The TS’s.

Others find solace with a pre-op transsexual because she used to be a male and has a far better understanding of what it means to be male than most GG’s ever will. Any guy who is chronically misunderstood by GG’s will be able to appreciate the viewpoint of the TS.

2. Sexual confusion and disorientation.

Guys ask me for advice. “I met this transsexual woman at a club and I am really attracted to her but I am concerned that it means I am gay or something. Am I?”

Some careful dialogue with the guy usually uncovers the fact that he was very attracted to the TS’s femininity. Her look, her voice, her movement, her laugh, her smile, her scent, and all those other feminine cues that trigger interest and a masculine response from a guy. Gay guys are not attracted to those attributes.

Therefore, if a straight man finds himself interested in a pre-op transsexual and is experiencing some confusion as a result, then he needs to consider exactly what it is about her that is attracting him. If it’s her femininity, then he’s not responding like a gay man would, and thus shouldn’t worry about whether he’s “turning gay.” If the guy can accept that he is attracted to a somewhat different kind of woman and still wants to pursue it, take it just one step at a time.

Take her out to dinner or a movie. Talk to her about whatever, listen to her words. Look into her eyes. Can he get lost in her eyes, as he can with a GG? Can he relax around her and just enjoy being with her, as if she were a GG? If so, take one more step. Hold hands, kiss her good-night. In other words, treat her like he would any GG date, at a pace that he can handle, given his concerns. Easy!

3. What does a transsexual woman look for in a guy? Continue reading

Big Surprise

Bisexuals Really Do Exist!

An article from the New York Times by David Tuller

The finding is not likely to surprise bisexuals, who have long asserted that attraction often is not limited to one sex. But for many years the question of bisexuality has bedeviled scientists. A widely publicized study published in 2005, also by researchers at Northwestern, reported that “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction, it remains to be shown that male bisexuality exists.”

That conclusion outraged bisexual men and women, who said it appeared to support a stereotype of bisexual men as closeted homosexuals.

In the new study, published online in the journal Biological Psychology, the researchers relied on more stringent criteria for selecting participants. To improve their chances of finding men aroused by women as well as men, the researchers recruited subjects from online venues specifically catering to bisexuals.

They also required participants to have had sexual experiences with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex.

Men in the 2005 study, on the other hand, were recruited through advertisements in gay-oriented and alternative publications and were identified as heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual based on responses to a standard questionnaire.

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A Look at Over Sixty-five

Now in his sixties, Richard has liberated his reflections, his perspectives and his body. Here he has chosen to share his thoughts, his biography and his physical beauty.

Born and raised in a working class neighborhood in Detroit, Richard’s father worked in the auto industry. The youngest in a large Polish,Catholic family, he is the last of the nine children that survived, five years younger than his next oldest brother.

Richard describes himself as an actor, with different parts to play as he made his way through life’s various chapters; no script and no director telling him what he was to do.

After graduating from High School, he worked several years full time and came to the realization that there was no place for him in the factory.   He went back to school (eventually full time) and got a degree in English, finding himself channeled into teaching by default.  After getting a teaching certificate and a Math minor, he landed a job in the Detroit School System and completed a Master’s degree in Middle School Mathematics, then went on to teach math in an inner city middle school for 30 years.

In his own words:

On the home front, as the youngest, I saw my parents through to the end of their lives.  All of this time, I was trying to figure out who I was as a person, spiritually and sexually.  I married and moved to Windsor, Ontario just before I was “50.”  I commuted across the border daily. It was easy because I drove the opposite way of rush hour traffic.  Easy till 911 when it became a nightmare.

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Bisexuality … the Blessing & the Curse

The Messy Realities of Bisexuality

Bisexuality lacks clarity between attraction, behavior and identity.

Published on July 5, 2011 by Loren A. Olson, M.D. in Finally Out

When I searched Twitter for “bisexuality” I found this: “Bisexuality is the ability to reach down someone’s pants and be satisfied with whatever you find.” I once defined it (less colorfully) on my blog, MagneticFire. I wrote, “Bisexuality is being sexually attracted equally to both men and women.”

The response was swift and furious. “Am I defined accurately as bisexual only if I have one ejaculation with a woman for every ejaculation I have with a man?” I was accused of being a poor scientist and unfamiliar with the literature on bisexuality. My definition was considered far too restrictive. One bisexual man wrote that a bisexual could be any of the following:

• Straight-identified married men who have surreptitious sex with other men.

• Single men with steady girlfriends

• Divorced men who partner with another man but remain attracted to women

• Transgender persons and their transgender partners

• Men in polyamorous relationships.

That is a very large umbrella! I could cop out and say that labels are useless and this discussion is meaningless, but labels are essential for research and important for the development of a sense of belonging. Within the LGBT community, not only are the L, the G, the B and the T distinct from one another, but each can be divided into multiple sub-populations.

The term “bisexuality” lacks clarity about the differences between attraction, behavior or self-identity. Many scientists prefer a definition based exclusively on attraction because behavior and identity are more fluid. For some behavior and self-definitions may evolve over time. Lisa Diamond in Sexual Fluidity has suggested that a shifting of sexual intimacy is more common in women than in men; that is consistent with my clinical experience. As I described in, Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, I began life believing I was a heterosexual man, went through a brief period of believing I might be bisexual, and now am completely confident that I am a gay man. Once I aligned my sexual attraction, sexual behavior and my self-identity, the dissonance I had felt for much of my life disappeared.

I recently had a conversation with a married man who described himself as bisexual. I asked him if his attraction to men and women was equal. He affirmed that it was. I then asked, “How do you commit to one person if you must give up 50 percent of who you are?” He responded, “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I want to have kids and grandchildren.” I then asked him if he was sexually attracted to his wife or if his attraction was based on his attraction to the privileges of the traditional one man, one woman, and monogamy. He agreed that he was sexually attracted to men but socially attracted to his wife.

Continue reading

Homophobic Men … Aroused by Penises

Homophobic Men Most Aroused by Gay Male Porn

Homophobia Associated with Penis Arousal to Male on Male Sex

Published on June 9, 2011 by Nathan A. Heflick in The Big Question

Even a man who thought that women want to have sex with their fathers, and that women spend much of their lives distraught over their lack of a penis is right sometimes. This person, the legend that is Sigmund Freud, theorized that people often have the most hateful and negative attitudes towards things they secretly crave, but feel that they shouldn’t have.

If Freud is right, then perhaps men who are the most opposed to male homosexuality have particularly strong homosexual urges for other men.

Tne study asked heterosexal men how comfortable and anxious they are around gay men. Based on these scores, they then divided these men into two groups: men that are homophobic, and men who are not. These men were then shown three, four-minute videos. One video depicted straight sex, one depicted lesbian sex and one depicted gay male sex. While this was happening, a device was attached to each participant’s penis. This device has been found to be triggered by sexual arousal, but not other types of arousal (such as nervousness, or fear — arousal often has a very different meaning in psychology than in popular usage)

When viewing lesbian sex and straight sex, both the homophobic and the non-homophobic men showed increased penis circumference. For gay male sex, however, only the homophobic men showed heightened penis arousal.

Heterosexual men with the most anti-gay attitudes, when asked, reported not being sexually aroused by gay male sex videos. But, their penises reported otherwise.

Homophobic men were the most sexually aroused by gay male sex acts.

 

 

Male Sexuality

Male Sexuality

What does male sexuality have to do with Martin Brant Novels?

Within the general brotherhood of man, concerning male sexuality, a significant percentage of men live with a closely guarded secret.  More common than most people think, these men are dealing a same sex attraction.  Most people, other than those they may have shared their secret with, don’t realize how many men have some degree of sexual attraction to other men.  Contrary to most moral codes and various religious beliefs, these feelings are quite common and natural.  They are feelings that number among the human emotions I deal with through the characters in my novels.

A writer’s first priority, mine included, is to tell a good story.  Any writer worth his or her salt wants to create a thoughtfully written story and entertain those who read his or her work.  It could be a murder mystery like my latest novel, Copperas Cove, where Jonathon Scott, recently divorced, leaves Pittsburg to start a new life and finds himself entangled in the bigoted dramas of 1950s Mississippi; or a WWII action/adventure like The Partisans, where two men on an important mission in France stumple upon a bright new future; or a tale of romance like A Song in the Park, where two men at odds with their past cross paths and start facing life’s challenges together.  Good stories have characters and characters have personalities, personalities that are very much a part of the whole and make for a more intriguing book.  Often the character’s personality can be a story within a story, or it can be the story itself, as in books such as Catcher in the Rye, or my first novel Five Married Men.

Why the element of same sex attraction?

For me it’s a fascination with the vast diversity of human nature.  It’s a part of the human race that, for various reasons, many don’t understand.  Many of us have been indoctrinated to belief there is something wrong with being attracted to a member of our own sex, which includes the majority of those who are.  These are the men who keep secrets, who often feel guilty, who somehow believe there is something wrong with them.  Though you may not feel attracted to members of your own sex, you know someone who does.  It may be your bother or sister, your neighbor or a colleague at work, your cousin or best friend; it may even be your husband or wife.  And chances are you don’t know their secret exists.

Considered a blessing or a curse, or both, the degree of same sex attraction varies from one man to the next; from a mild curiosity that leaves him feeling either guilty or warm inside, to a full blown and exclusive attraction to one’s own sex.  Though the same holds true for both men and women, my focus and my novels are about men (and the women in their lives).  And for some reason, same sex attractions seem more prevalent in men, though it is also considered by many as more unnatural and less acceptable.

So why would an author that wants to write a compelling mainstream tale include characters with a same sex attraction?  Maybe I believe human sexuality in itself is compelling.  Maybe, through my novels, I would like to help broaden human understanding.  Maybe a part of me wants to say it’s okay.

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Some men open the door to self-discovery, as Julian attests to here: he has experienced an enlightenment few men allow themselves to explore, a completeness. From Julian, in response to this piece.

I love this article. It does feel like a gift. So well put.

It comes to the heart of the matter and shines a light on ones own capacity to feel with intimacy the beauty in male and female and know it is wonderful. It is freeing.

Writing about it openly for you to share is cathartic and restorative at the same time.

Knowing and being bi-sexual that you who is reader this is are likely bi-sexual as well, with a similar understanding, we have much in common, we are alike kinfolk.

It is as if we could lay next to each other without reservation.

Recognizing bi-sexuality in oneself becomes a catalyst for putting down so many views about having to be this way or that way, rather be both ways and neither at the same time.

There are all those ideas with their genesis in school yards and bedtime fantasies, over the years evolving to prompt thoughts like ‘what if I am gay, oh my god’. Now when the mood takes I can feel it as positively yummy.

But hang on I love women, surely I must be heterosexual. What about the qualities in each I so enjoy, that I relate too.

So maybe am I transsexual or transgender. Do I even know what that means. But I love my male body. Then comes, but how can I be both? What if, what could that mean?

Then bing, the light goes on. I’m really not this, I’m really not that, I’m all of them and none of them.

I’m so definitely bi-sexual, with lots thrown in. It is so nice to say.

But its much deeper than the label might suggest. Its meaning so much more than first understood. As one investigates ones own sexuality and masculinity or femininity, dare I say as a male my femininity, it becomes so much more. It is wonderful.

I can love a man and be fully with him as I can love a woman and be fully with her.

It is also the special quality of monogamy, devotion to that person and relationship at the exclusion of all others, when no-one else exists.

Of women in my life, paraphrasing from the words of your article Martin, I recognize my overwhelming attraction to her, of her uniquely feminine perspective. Her softness, her exquisite shape and innate capacity, her strength, her insights and intuitions, her nurturing love, her playfulness with the toys of femininity, her laughter with others of her sex, she is simply gorgeous.

For the moment I am single, how positively enriching.

Enough. J-

Male Sexuality…The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater

My novel, The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater, deals with primordial issue of male bisexuality. Happily married, believing he had consigned his attraction to other men to his days in college, Johnny crosses paths with Cassandra Mott. Once his departed grandmother’s lover, she has come back from the past for reasons of her own, using the irresistible beauty of her brother to reawaken the urges Johnny has long since ignored. The supernatural elements of this tale are the catalysts that propel him down a mystifying road of self-identity. You’ll feel his emotions as Johnny grapples with his sexuality, what he views as both a blessing and a curse. You’ll wonder about the direction he may go. And you might even identify with him.

 

From Logunede Jones on Amazon

I thoroughly enjoyed The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater. Savannah (Georgia) and Kenya come alive in author Martin Brant’s descriptions. The diverse cast of characters is compelling, and the suspense is built-in by the multi-sensorial descriptions of a haunted house filled with a range of unsettling beings, and by the question of what kind of intriguing “debauchery” Johnny will be coerced into next!

Johnny stumbles into a sticky web of relationships between his wife Marilee, the otherworldly siblings Julian and Cassandra, and his new friend Brian. Ultimately he realizes an important difference–love–between the nature of his relationship with Brian and that of his relationship with Julian. Marilee opens up to her body and its responses thanks to Johnny, and Johnny finally learns the reason for Cassandra’s revenge.

The ending is a terrific wham/bam whirl, with one surprise after another in the last few pages, including a main character’s deus-ex-machina solution, very nicely done.

The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater is a portentous and philosophical novel, not to be confused with barely-sketched characters ripping each others’ pants off. Sure there’s sex: the erotic massage scene is riveting, and the leather “heathen” sequence appropriately disgusting yet compelling! But beyond this, Brant’s writing expertly explores the “haunting” of bisexuality: a phantom sex hovering in the wings, an obsession never completely conquered in the heft and smell of remembered flesh. At times the novel seems to confirm the common perception that bisexuality is merely the mid-life crisis of married men who realize they’re gay. But at other times, we read and understand the circumstances of characters for whom bisexuality is not a transitional phase, but a way of life.

Highly recommended, suspenseful, beautiful writing.

Available on Kindle or paperback here.

From a Wife With a Bisexual Husband

For some of us Mother Nature deals unusual cards when it comes to our genes. We’re born and the day comes we realize we’re attracted to both sexes. Call it an anomaly if you want, but for a surprisingly high percentage of us, it is very real. Bisexuality, no matter how a person chooses to deal with it, is an ever-present phantom in one’s life. If you happen to be a man and have chosen to spend your life with a woman, bisexuality can haunt you for your entire life, not that you don’t love and cherish her.  No matter how much you love her, something important is missing. If you’re the woman married to this man and love him dearly, you face a unique and difficult challenge, though it’s a challenge that can be overcome.

As a gift to Mr. Rob for this Christmas season, his wife wrote this piece for his blog: The Bi-married Mafia

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My journey has been filled with so many ups and downs, but what journey isn’t. The ups and downs are not just limited to unique relationships like ours. And I have come to realize ours is not the only “unique” relationship out there. You have to do what you need to do to make it work for you. I had to stop comparing things to others’ relationships or to what I had always believed to be “the norm”. “Normal” is such a subjective word anyway. What is “normal” for one isn’t for another. My journey….still an ongoing process. But I believe that any relationship that is growing is an ongoing process. The moment we stop growing is the time we need to worry.

Before we were married, my husband told me about his attractions to men. Both of us felt it was not something that we needed to worry about. We were young and very involved in a church which taught this was something that you could overcome. We were in love.

A few years ago, my husband brought it up again. He had an incredible void in his life which needed to be filled…a void which could not be filled by me. I could see the pain and struggle he was in. Not that I was lacking anything…no one person can fill everything in one person’s life. In my naiveté, I thought this could be filled with a “gay best friend” and I encouraged it. I have always given my husband every freedom to be. I try not to stand in his way of expressing himself and finding out who he was meant to be, knowing that is important to him. But I also had understood that we were in a monogamous relationship and not once did my mind wander to him being with a man physically. This was not something that I worried about. Neither of us was wired to cheat on the other. We had our ups and downs, but this just wasn’t something that would “happen to us”.

He did find this best friend. They hung out and did things together. This man became very important to my husband and even became part of our family. We would vacation together and hang out on holidays. Their relationship was filled with ups and downs, but I assumed it was due to the fact they were both strong personalities. After about 3 years, the relationship ended. It was at that time that my husband confided in me the extent of their relationship.

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