Category Archives: Bisexuality

I’m Particular

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A question from D- in South Africa:

Every now and again I have the urge to be touched by a man, but I’m very particular about the penis I touch. I’m shaven and average in size. I would like to experiment with anal sex, but again, as I’m very clean there, I would expect the same. I live in Gauteng, South Africa. Could you make any suggestions. D-

My Reply:

It sounds like you’re just a bit left of being a straight guy, which I believe where most men are concerning their sexuality. This is a group of men that are having the same kind of urges you are, most of whom will be equally particular, if they are willing to admit their attraction to men at all. The trick is connecting with one of them. Living in a metropolitan area as you do, it shouldn’t be too difficult.

Happenstance rarely brings two men like you together. The guy you want for a companion is not going to come up to you, offer his hand and tell you he’s bisexual. You will have to actively pursue your new friend.

Other than visiting places you are likely to meet like-minded men, such as bathhouses or gay bars, your best bet would be an online dating service. You’re not gay, but you might consider a gay dating site, openly but anonymously describing your circumstances. If that sounds like something you could do, take a look at a website called Top 10 Gay Dating Sites. Many traditional dating sites allow men seeking men members. Check out the top sites here: Top 10 Best Dating Sites. I would avoid using hook-up sites like Craigs List for what you’re looking for, not that Craig’s List isn’t a great place to sell your bicycle.

In trying one of these sites, you’re likely to meet guys that don’t work out. Nevertheless, just keep plugging away. When you ultimately meet the right guy, when the two of you are emotionally in sync and find each other attractive, all the effort will be beautifully rewarded. Just remember to stay particular in the meantime.

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The Male Psyche

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There is a common thread that runs through almost all men. It has to do with both the subtle and vibrant variations of masculinity. It puts us at one with other men, at one with our individual perceptions, at one with our bodies and our genitals. The broad spectrum of men includes characteristics like genuine decency, the desire to share, the need to fit in, the instinct to protect those weaker than ourselves.

The General Brotherhood of Men

Sadly, for reasons we may never understand, there are those deficient individuals outside the general brotherhood of man that live cowardly, misguided lives: wife beaters, child predators, rapists, criminals, bullies, racists … individuals that do not reflect or represent any of the wonderful human elements that comprise the majority of men.

Narrowing the field a little further, a group within the brotherhood could be isolated in a non-criminal but dreary group nonetheless: the selfish, the lazy, the slovenly, the autocratic, the self-righteous and the irresponsible, thus leaving a certain integrity in the remaining majority of men.

You may not think subtracting the deviants, the slovenly and the pitiful leaves a clear majority of men. I do. They are by nature usually a quieter group. They don’t make the evening news nearly as much. They don’t impose themselves on our consciousness by routinely annoying us. They simply carry on, trying to do what’s right, trying to provide a descent life for themselves and those they care for. They are the men that make you glad you are a man and a part of the general brotherhood. They are the men I love, that I watch from day to day in public places, the men about whom scenarios pass through my mind as I quietly admire them and fondly analyze what kind of personae they might have. They are the reason I’m here, the men I support and encourage and celebrate. They are men I write about in my novels.

This vast resource of men still hold doors open for women. They usually feel a little awkward holding a newborn baby. They feel good when they see their wives smile. They would make an extraordinary sacrifice for a friend. They value honesty and integrity. They feel guilty when they lie. Yet they are competitive, ambitious and get back up when they fail.

Of course men are sexual creatures. How many times do we think about sex each day? How often do we masturbate in the shower, or take a firm hold of our balls because it feels good? How often does the mere sight of an attractive man (or woman) empty our brains of all other thought? The fast paced careers, the bigger houses, the expensive watches and cars are merely material distractions that have nothing to do with the true essence of life. Some portion of the general brotherhood are utterly straight, some portion are irreproachably gay, but our greatest numbers fall somewhere in the middle. Continue reading →

Which Way Should I Turn?

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Hey Martin:

Thanks for this very interesting website. I am a guy that has always identified as straight – I’m 34, live in NY, grew up in a conservative town in TX. I’ve been attracted to men for my entire life, but found different ways of putting that out of my mind. Was married, ended badly, in part because I didn’t know how to deal with these feelings.

I was with a great girl until recently but felt like I was repressing a part of myself and there was an issue, loved her, was attracted to her physically, etc. So I opened up the box in my mind labeled “attraction to guys” and have been completely overwhelmed with confusion and acknowledgment of the truth of these feelings, that, I realized, aren’t going away.

So I broke up with the girl, and resigned myself to living the gay lifestyle, or at least seeing what happens. I think my feelings for guys, at least sexually,, are a little more, maybe? I certainly notice them mor enow. But I keep dreaming about sex with women and I’ve always (at least thought) I wanted a family, a wife, and the normal things that I felt are important.

How did you decide that you could do this? I think in the end of the day the lifestyle you are living is more normal, historically, for men attracted to other men that our modern world. Certainly for the ancient Greeks and other groups.

I am not sure what to do – I am dealing with the fallout of repressing these feelings for a long time but am finding it confusing about where to go with my life now… Whether I should even give up the idea of a wife and family or whether this is a way I should try and live my life.. I am still attracted to women, still think about sex with women, and still find myself attracted to men. Wonder whether my feelings towards women will go away, but not sure.

Any advice would be appreciated Martin, thanks!  …Nate

My Reply:

Thanks for the compliment, Nate.

You are contemplating giving up women to lead a gay lifestyle. Based on your heartfelt words, that would be a mistake. I say this because you are obviously the kind of man that wouldn’t want to live without the kind of love only a woman can give. You have a dream Continue reading →

Perplexed by Male Sexuality

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Here is a question I been asked recently. It’s not uncommon.

“I am over 50 and have always wondered if I was on the wrong path! I love the pic’s of men, but have never had an intimate relationship with another man! I’m interested in trying sex with a man and have fantasied about this kind of a relationship! I would love to suck another mans dick and not feel self-conscientious about it! How do I approach this situation! … I need more than a woman!!!!”

My reply:

There seems to be a hint of desperation in your unvarnished but heartfelt question. Fact is, many men do not confront their bisexuality until they reach their forties or fifties, sometimes even later. Then what you have is a lifetime of accumulated, but subconscious sexual tension. Families have been raised. Careers are long since established or winding down. At your age, a man has a lot of time to think, to appraise his life, to recognize what he has been missing.

Perhaps this man has recognized the signs early on, then chose to ignore or deny them. That’s the path many men follow in our homophobic world today. It’s a shame we’ve been indoctrinated by rigid religious mores and ancient autocratic morals, when the desire for affection with other men has been encoded on our genes. Men like to be with men, socially, affectionately and yes, even intimately. Some men simply like getting naked with other men. Others may see nothing wrong with mutual masturbation, though they will almost certainly suffer guilt. Others, based on their values, their perceptions of masculinity combined with guilt, periodically seek out strangers for a quickie, usually to get it out of their system, or because of their circumstances at home. Others (my personal preference) want a relationship, a boyfriend so to speak, a bond with another man complete with trust and respect. Then some men accept the fact they are gay and go on to lead a gay lifestyle. Continue reading →

Can a “Gay” Man Go Straight?

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The answer: Quite simply the answer is NO.

But some scientists and religious groups say it’s not only possible, it happens. Wrongly, they are arguing against human genetic codes, as if to say that men wake up one day and decide they want to be gay, then change their minds at sometime in the future. As I see it, a man can no more change his sexual orientation than he can change his skin color. We’re born the way we are. Gay men want nothing to do with women sexually, except for perhaps a certain curiosity that is usually settled with a regrettable tryst.

I think what’s confusing these scientists and religious organizations is they are applying their theories to bisexual men, not gays. Certainly many bisexual men grow up believing they are gay, simply because they interpret any attraction to their own gender as gay. Many of these men will eventually realize something is missing in their lives. They discover their natural attraction to women. They have a desire to father children in the traditional sense. They recognize the magical connection between a man and a woman, and they want the kind of emotional love only a woman can provide, not to discount the powerful bonds that are possible between two gay men.

So these men come to believe they want to “turn straight”. Fact is they are not converting from anything. They have only decided to choose the other of the two paths given to them by Mother Nature, which confuses a lot of scientists and religious organizations, not to mention the man himself and everyone who knows him. As complicated as human sexuality appears to be, it is really quite simple … we are born the way we are.

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The following article written in 2001 is from the Washington Post. It is a perfect example of the confusion I am talking about. Continue reading →

A “Gay” Man’s Dilemma

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Do Gay Men Turn Straight?

The  following question came by email recently.

Hi Martin … Thank you for sharing your experiences and providing some interesting reading. I have had relationships with men since I was 16. During my teenage years I would have said that I was attracted to both sexes, but always seemed to go back to men because I felt comfortable with them. In my 20′s I identified as being gay and came out. I have been in several gay relationships and have never questioned my sexuality until I turned 30 and started to become sexually attracted to woman. I experimented with porn and I found myself excited watching straight sex. At the same time I was also thinking that I have always wanted to be a father and have a family, and I was getting to the age I would like to do this. I have never had a relationship with a woman, and I have only had a brief sexual encounter when I was younger that did not work for me.

So I decided to make sure that I could become sexually aroused and that all the bits and pieces worked. As I have never really approached a woman, and did not want to get into a relationship, nor would I know how to. Additionally I am in a relationship with a man. So I decided to visit a sex worker. It was a highly liberating experience. I could not describe the intensity. It felt natural and just right more so than being with a man. I walked away thinking I want to be with a woman, and in a relationship. My penis felt like it was in the right space, I had huge amounts of pre-cum, breasts were beautiful, and I think I could play with a vagina all day long. I have a serious dilemma now and don’t know how to feel, what to do. My friends think I am gay, my partner is a male, did I come out too quickly, why would this all be happening now, how many guys go from gay to straight, and if I was to change how do I tell a woman who I have been with in the past. Any thoughts? Continue reading →

Bisexuality … One Woman’s Challenge

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I often hear from women that are grappling with their husband’s or boyfriend’s bisexuality. Often their story touches my soul. Pam’s challenge for example. She has been going with her boyfriend for five years, basically a marriage when it comes to affairs of the heart. Three years in, she learned her boyfriend has had a quickie with another woman, which led to his confession about his bisexuality and his countless encounters with men.

Here are Pam’s own words:

“I stumbled on your website and signed up immediately after reading your pages on bisexuality. My boyfriend is bisexual and it took nearly 3 years before he told me about it. We have been together for five years.

His experiences in our relationship were frequent anonymous encounters with men and occasionally a female, but his attraction is mainly to men. When he told me about it, it came about after I discovered he has slept with another woman. Telling me that it was rare for him to be with another woman, left me extremely hurt because I didn’t believe him. But, when he told me about being with other men and that he had been with hundreds, I realized we had a more than his bisexuality to discuss. Continue reading →

Copperas Cove … A Review on Amazon

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***** – Copperas Cove – November 27, 2011

By R. A Rippy “rarippy” (Shelbyville, Tennessee United States)

This story takes place in 1954 during the segregated era. One man is on a journey to get away from his hometown and impending divorce to start a new life. His car breaks down near a small town in Mississippi (Copperas Cove) and he ends up staying there and his life takes a whole new turn. The racial divide is high and he ends up changing the way people think about Blacks by breaking down barriers and stereotypes that still lingered in the town despite it being the time of the demise of segregation. This book has it all that occurred during this era with lynching, beatings, murder and being falsely accused of a crime due to the color of your skin. There is romance and even a hint of homosexuality but as trademark of Martin Brant, it was tastefully done. I am Black and it hurt to read about the injustices done to my people during that time but it did happen and the sad part is that it is still happening today. Due to Martin’s outstanding writing style, while reading this book you will feel as if you are actually there while reading each page. Despite the subject matter, I really enjoyed this book and did not put it down until the last page. Some may be offended about the subject content of this book but it happened so it is what it is.

Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and most E-book devices

Accommodating Women

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I don’t title this piece lightly.If you Google transsexual or transgender about all you get is escort services and porn, which is fine if that’s what you’re looking for. I’m more interested in the woman, the girl that wants a boyfriend and an everyday life. There is a good size community of these girls, some pre-op and others who have gone through sexual reassignment surgery. The girl I find intriguing is the one who has decided to keep her penis, though everything else about her is female. My question is: Is she the girl you would like to be in a serious relationship with?

The following questions and answers are from Michael at TS Girlfriend

Not all girls are born female. There is a special class of woman out there, with a different set of attributes than the “genetic girl,” or GG. It’s the transsexual woman, or “TS.” A woman who used to be a male. “Pre-Op” refers to the fact that she has not had sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), the sex-change surgery.

Definitions: A “pre-op transsexual” is a woman in the wrong body, one who has breasts (through taking female hormones and/or breast implants), and a cock. A TS is almost always living full time as a woman. A “non-op transsexual” means that the TS will not have SRS. Usually that is also the case with a pre-op TS.

1. Why would a guy want to date a pre-op transsexual?

A lot of guys who show interest in TS’s are, in fact, bisexual. Others are bi-curious. Still others are looking for cheap thrills. Some men find TS’s to be more feminine than GG’s. And then, of course, there are guys who seem to just plain connect better with a pre-op transsexual than a GG.

For the guys just seeking a sexual experience, there are plenty of shemale escorts available who will happily provide an exciting experience for a fee, without any danger of commitment. Don’t know any escorts? Use a search engine, search under keywords “shemale escorts (enter name of your city or state)” — odds are you will find what you need.

TS’s tell me that most of the guys who contact them are, in fact, bisexual or bi-curious. They say these men are often looking for a same-sex experience but packaged in such a way that they have deniability. They seek to deny (to themselves, probably) that sex with a person who has both tits and a dick is homosexual in nature, when the guy is sucking that dick or getting fucked by it.

Some men find today’s so-called independent woman to be not very feminine at all, overly assertive, argumentative, prone to characterizing a simple male advance as “harassment,” and a general pain in the ass to be around. One guy told me dating a so-called independent woman “is like dating your brother.” Who among the women of today delight in being extremely (and classically) feminine? The TS’s.

Others find solace with a pre-op transsexual because she used to be a male and has a far better understanding of what it means to be male than most GG’s ever will. Any guy who is chronically misunderstood by GG’s will be able to appreciate the viewpoint of the TS.

2. Sexual confusion and disorientation.

Guys ask me for advice. “I met this transsexual woman at a club and I am really attracted to her but I am concerned that it means I am gay or something. Am I?”

Some careful dialogue with the guy usually uncovers the fact that he was very attracted to the TS’s femininity. Her look, her voice, her movement, her laugh, her smile, her scent, and all those other feminine cues that trigger interest and a masculine response from a guy. Gay guys are not attracted to those attributes.

Therefore, if a straight man finds himself interested in a pre-op transsexual and is experiencing some confusion as a result, then he needs to consider exactly what it is about her that is attracting him. If it’s her femininity, then he’s not responding like a gay man would, and thus shouldn’t worry about whether he’s “turning gay.” If the guy can accept that he is attracted to a somewhat different kind of woman and still wants to pursue it, take it just one step at a time.

Take her out to dinner or a movie. Talk to her about whatever, listen to her words. Look into her eyes. Can he get lost in her eyes, as he can with a GG? Can he relax around her and just enjoy being with her, as if she were a GG? If so, take one more step. Hold hands, kiss her good-night. In other words, treat her like he would any GG date, at a pace that he can handle, given his concerns. Easy!

3. What does a transsexual woman look for in a guy? Continue reading →

Big Surprise

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Bisexuals Really Do Exist!

An article from the New York Times by David Tuller

The finding is not likely to surprise bisexuals, who have long asserted that attraction often is not limited to one sex. But for many years the question of bisexuality has bedeviled scientists. A widely publicized study published in 2005, also by researchers at Northwestern, reported that “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction, it remains to be shown that male bisexuality exists.”

That conclusion outraged bisexual men and women, who said it appeared to support a stereotype of bisexual men as closeted homosexuals.

In the new study, published online in the journal Biological Psychology, the researchers relied on more stringent criteria for selecting participants. To improve their chances of finding men aroused by women as well as men, the researchers recruited subjects from online venues specifically catering to bisexuals.

They also required participants to have had sexual experiences with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex.

Men in the 2005 study, on the other hand, were recruited through advertisements in gay-oriented and alternative publications and were identified as heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual based on responses to a standard questionnaire.

Continue reading →