Category Archives: Bisexuality

A Look at Over Sixty-five

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Now in his sixties, Richard has liberated his reflections, his perspectives and his body. Here he has chosen to share his thoughts, his biography and his physical beauty.

Born and raised in a working class neighborhood in Detroit, Richard’s father worked in the auto industry. The youngest in a large Polish,Catholic family, he is the last of the nine children that survived, five years younger than his next oldest brother.

Richard describes himself as an actor, with different parts to play as he made his way through life’s various chapters; no script and no director telling him what he was to do.

After graduating from High School, he worked several years full time and came to the realization that there was no place for him in the factory.   He went back to school (eventually full time) and got a degree in English, finding himself channeled into teaching by default.  After getting a teaching certificate and a Math minor, he landed a job in the Detroit School System and completed a Master’s degree in Middle School Mathematics, then went on to teach math in an inner city middle school for 30 years.

In his own words:

On the home front, as the youngest, I saw my parents through to the end of their lives.  All of this time, I was trying to figure out who I was as a person, spiritually and sexually.  I married and moved to Windsor, Ontario just before I was “50.”  I commuted across the border daily. It was easy because I drove the opposite way of rush hour traffic.  Easy till 911 when it became a nightmare.

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Bisexuality … the Blessing & the Curse

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The Messy Realities of Bisexuality

Bisexuality lacks clarity between attraction, behavior and identity.

Published on July 5, 2011 by Loren A. Olson, M.D. in Finally Out

When I searched Twitter for “bisexuality” I found this: “Bisexuality is the ability to reach down someone’s pants and be satisfied with whatever you find.” I once defined it (less colorfully) on my blog, MagneticFire. I wrote, “Bisexuality is being sexually attracted equally to both men and women.”

The response was swift and furious. “Am I defined accurately as bisexual only if I have one ejaculation with a woman for every ejaculation I have with a man?” I was accused of being a poor scientist and unfamiliar with the literature on bisexuality. My definition was considered far too restrictive. One bisexual man wrote that a bisexual could be any of the following:

• Straight-identified married men who have surreptitious sex with other men.

• Single men with steady girlfriends

• Divorced men who partner with another man but remain attracted to women

• Transgender persons and their transgender partners

• Men in polyamorous relationships.

That is a very large umbrella! I could cop out and say that labels are useless and this discussion is meaningless, but labels are essential for research and important for the development of a sense of belonging. Within the LGBT community, not only are the L, the G, the B and the T distinct from one another, but each can be divided into multiple sub-populations.

The term “bisexuality” lacks clarity about the differences between attraction, behavior or self-identity. Many scientists prefer a definition based exclusively on attraction because behavior and identity are more fluid. For some behavior and self-definitions may evolve over time. Lisa Diamond in Sexual Fluidity has suggested that a shifting of sexual intimacy is more common in women than in men; that is consistent with my clinical experience. As I described in, Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, I began life believing I was a heterosexual man, went through a brief period of believing I might be bisexual, and now am completely confident that I am a gay man. Once I aligned my sexual attraction, sexual behavior and my self-identity, the dissonance I had felt for much of my life disappeared.

I recently had a conversation with a married man who described himself as bisexual. I asked him if his attraction to men and women was equal. He affirmed that it was. I then asked, “How do you commit to one person if you must give up 50 percent of who you are?” He responded, “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I want to have kids and grandchildren.” I then asked him if he was sexually attracted to his wife or if his attraction was based on his attraction to the privileges of the traditional one man, one woman, and monogamy. He agreed that he was sexually attracted to men but socially attracted to his wife.

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Homophobic Men … Aroused by Penises

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Homophobic Men Most Aroused by Gay Male Porn

Homophobia Associated with Penis Arousal to Male on Male Sex

Published on June 9, 2011 by Nathan A. Heflick in The Big Question

Even a man who thought that women want to have sex with their fathers, and that women spend much of their lives distraught over their lack of a penis is right sometimes. This person, the legend that is Sigmund Freud, theorized that people often have the most hateful and negative attitudes towards things they secretly crave, but feel that they shouldn’t have.

If Freud is right, then perhaps men who are the most opposed to male homosexuality have particularly strong homosexual urges for other men.

Tne study asked heterosexal men how comfortable and anxious they are around gay men. Based on these scores, they then divided these men into two groups: men that are homophobic, and men who are not. These men were then shown three, four-minute videos. One video depicted straight sex, one depicted lesbian sex and one depicted gay male sex. While this was happening, a device was attached to each participant’s penis. This device has been found to be triggered by sexual arousal, but not other types of arousal (such as nervousness, or fear — arousal often has a very different meaning in psychology than in popular usage)

When viewing lesbian sex and straight sex, both the homophobic and the non-homophobic men showed increased penis circumference. For gay male sex, however, only the homophobic men showed heightened penis arousal.

Heterosexual men with the most anti-gay attitudes, when asked, reported not being sexually aroused by gay male sex videos. But, their penises reported otherwise.

Homophobic men were the most sexually aroused by gay male sex acts.

 

 

Male Sexuality

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Male Sexuality

What does male sexuality have to do with Martin Brant Novels?

Within the general brotherhood of man, concerning male sexuality, a significant percentage of men live with a closely guarded secret.  More common than most people think, these men are dealing a same sex attraction.  Most people, other than those they may have shared their secret with, don’t realize how many men have some degree of sexual attraction to other men.  Contrary to most moral codes and various religious beliefs, these feelings are quite common and natural.  They are feelings that number among the human emotions I deal with through the characters in my novels.

A writer’s first priority, mine included, is to tell a good story.  Any writer worth his or her salt wants to create a thoughtfully written story and entertain those who read his or her work.  It could be a murder mystery like my latest novel, Copperas Cove, where Jonathon Scott, recently divorced, leaves Pittsburg to start a new life and finds himself entangled in the bigoted dramas of 1950s Mississippi; or a WWII action/adventure like The Partisans, where two men on an important mission in France stumple upon a bright new future; or a tale of romance like A Song in the Park, where two men at odds with their past cross paths and start facing life’s challenges together.  Good stories have characters and characters have personalities, personalities that are very much a part of the whole and make for a more intriguing book.  Often the character’s personality can be a story within a story, or it can be the story itself, as in books such as Catcher in the Rye, or my first novel Five Married Men.

Why the element of same sex attraction?

For me it’s a fascination with the vast diversity of human nature.  It’s a part of the human race that, for various reasons, many don’t understand.  Many of us have been indoctrinated to belief there is something wrong with being attracted to a member of our own sex, which includes the majority of those who are.  These are the men who keep secrets, who often feel guilty, who somehow believe there is something wrong with them.  Though you may not feel attracted to members of your own sex, you know someone who does.  It may be your bother or sister, your neighbor or a colleague at work, your cousin or best friend; it may even be your husband or wife.  And chances are you don’t know their secret exists.

Considered a blessing or a curse, or both, the degree of same sex attraction varies from one man to the next; from a mild curiosity that leaves him feeling either guilty or warm inside, to a full blown and exclusive attraction to one’s own sex.  Though the same holds true for both men and women, my focus and my novels are about men (and the women in their lives).  And for some reason, same sex attractions seem more prevalent in men, though it is also considered by many as more unnatural and less acceptable.

So why would an author that wants to write a compelling mainstream tale include characters with a same sex attraction?  Maybe I believe human sexuality in itself is compelling.  Maybe, through my novels, I would like to help broaden human understanding.  Maybe a part of me wants to say it’s okay.

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Some men open the door to self-discovery, as Julian attests to here: he has experienced an enlightenment few men allow themselves to explore, a completeness. From Julian, in response to this piece.

I love this article. It does feel like a gift. So well put.

It comes to the heart of the matter and shines a light on ones own capacity to feel with intimacy the beauty in male and female and know it is wonderful. It is freeing.

Writing about it openly for you to share is cathartic and restorative at the same time.

Knowing and being bi-sexual that you who is reader this is are likely bi-sexual as well, with a similar understanding, we have much in common, we are alike kinfolk.

It is as if we could lay next to each other without reservation.

Recognizing bi-sexuality in oneself becomes a catalyst for putting down so many views about having to be this way or that way, rather be both ways and neither at the same time.

There are all those ideas with their genesis in school yards and bedtime fantasies, over the years evolving to prompt thoughts like ‘what if I am gay, oh my god’. Now when the mood takes I can feel it as positively yummy.

But hang on I love women, surely I must be heterosexual. What about the qualities in each I so enjoy, that I relate too.

So maybe am I transsexual or transgender. Do I even know what that means. But I love my male body. Then comes, but how can I be both? What if, what could that mean?

Then bing, the light goes on. I’m really not this, I’m really not that, I’m all of them and none of them.

I’m so definitely bi-sexual, with lots thrown in. It is so nice to say.

But its much deeper than the label might suggest. Its meaning so much more than first understood. As one investigates ones own sexuality and masculinity or femininity, dare I say as a male my femininity, it becomes so much more. It is wonderful.

I can love a man and be fully with him as I can love a woman and be fully with her.

It is also the special quality of monogamy, devotion to that person and relationship at the exclusion of all others, when no-one else exists.

Of women in my life, paraphrasing from the words of your article Martin, I recognize my overwhelming attraction to her, of her uniquely feminine perspective. Her softness, her exquisite shape and innate capacity, her strength, her insights and intuitions, her nurturing love, her playfulness with the toys of femininity, her laughter with others of her sex, she is simply gorgeous.

For the moment I am single, how positively enriching.

Enough. J-

Male Sexuality…The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater

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My novel, The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater, deals with primordial issue of male bisexuality. Happily married, believing he had consigned his attraction to other men to his days in college, Johnny crosses paths with Cassandra Mott. Once his departed grandmother’s lover, she has come back from the past for reasons of her own, using the irresistible beauty of her brother to reawaken the urges Johnny has long since ignored. The supernatural elements of this tale are the catalysts that propel him down a mystifying road of self-identity. You’ll feel his emotions as Johnny grapples with his sexuality, what he views as both a blessing and a curse. You’ll wonder about the direction he may go. And you might even identify with him.

 

From Logunede Jones on Amazon

I thoroughly enjoyed The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater. Savannah (Georgia) and Kenya come alive in author Martin Brant’s descriptions. The diverse cast of characters is compelling, and the suspense is built-in by the multi-sensorial descriptions of a haunted house filled with a range of unsettling beings, and by the question of what kind of intriguing “debauchery” Johnny will be coerced into next!

Johnny stumbles into a sticky web of relationships between his wife Marilee, the otherworldly siblings Julian and Cassandra, and his new friend Brian. Ultimately he realizes an important difference–love–between the nature of his relationship with Brian and that of his relationship with Julian. Marilee opens up to her body and its responses thanks to Johnny, and Johnny finally learns the reason for Cassandra’s revenge.

The ending is a terrific wham/bam whirl, with one surprise after another in the last few pages, including a main character’s deus-ex-machina solution, very nicely done.

The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater is a portentous and philosophical novel, not to be confused with barely-sketched characters ripping each others’ pants off. Sure there’s sex: the erotic massage scene is riveting, and the leather “heathen” sequence appropriately disgusting yet compelling! But beyond this, Brant’s writing expertly explores the “haunting” of bisexuality: a phantom sex hovering in the wings, an obsession never completely conquered in the heft and smell of remembered flesh. At times the novel seems to confirm the common perception that bisexuality is merely the mid-life crisis of married men who realize they’re gay. But at other times, we read and understand the circumstances of characters for whom bisexuality is not a transitional phase, but a way of life.

Highly recommended, suspenseful, beautiful writing.

Available on Kindle or paperback here.

From a Wife With a Bisexual Husband

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For some of us Mother Nature deals unusual cards when it comes to our genes. We’re born and the day comes we realize we’re attracted to both sexes. Call it an anomaly if you want, but for a surprisingly high percentage of us, it is very real. Bisexuality, no matter how a person chooses to deal with it, is an ever-present phantom in one’s life. If you happen to be a man and have chosen to spend your life with a woman, bisexuality can haunt you for your entire life, not that you don’t love and cherish her.  No matter how much you love her, something important is missing. If you’re the woman married to this man and love him dearly, you face a unique and difficult challenge, though it’s a challenge that can be overcome.

As a gift to Mr. Rob for this Christmas season, his wife wrote this piece for his blog: The Bi-married Mafia

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My journey has been filled with so many ups and downs, but what journey isn’t. The ups and downs are not just limited to unique relationships like ours. And I have come to realize ours is not the only “unique” relationship out there. You have to do what you need to do to make it work for you. I had to stop comparing things to others’ relationships or to what I had always believed to be “the norm”. “Normal” is such a subjective word anyway. What is “normal” for one isn’t for another. My journey….still an ongoing process. But I believe that any relationship that is growing is an ongoing process. The moment we stop growing is the time we need to worry.

Before we were married, my husband told me about his attractions to men. Both of us felt it was not something that we needed to worry about. We were young and very involved in a church which taught this was something that you could overcome. We were in love.

A few years ago, my husband brought it up again. He had an incredible void in his life which needed to be filled…a void which could not be filled by me. I could see the pain and struggle he was in. Not that I was lacking anything…no one person can fill everything in one person’s life. In my naiveté, I thought this could be filled with a “gay best friend” and I encouraged it. I have always given my husband every freedom to be. I try not to stand in his way of expressing himself and finding out who he was meant to be, knowing that is important to him. But I also had understood that we were in a monogamous relationship and not once did my mind wander to him being with a man physically. This was not something that I worried about. Neither of us was wired to cheat on the other. We had our ups and downs, but this just wasn’t something that would “happen to us”.

He did find this best friend. They hung out and did things together. This man became very important to my husband and even became part of our family. We would vacation together and hang out on holidays. Their relationship was filled with ups and downs, but I assumed it was due to the fact they were both strong personalities. After about 3 years, the relationship ended. It was at that time that my husband confided in me the extent of their relationship.

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Bisexuals Still Plagued by Misconception

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From an article on kh-newstoday.blogspot

Survey finds different challenges for bisexuals

Yes: it really is different for bisexuals.

This is one of the findings from last week’s interim release of results from the Workplace Survey – possibly the largest of its kind – designed to investigate the work experiences of those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, many-gender-loving or fluid desire.

That is: it is not just that bisexuality is a genuine, distinct sexual orientation – as opposed to a phase that individuals pass through – but being bisexual leads individuals to face a number of challenges and pressures that are very different from those experienced by those who identify as lesbian, gay or even straight.

To begin with, the survey revealed that bisexuality is much more broadly defined than non-bi people know or understand, with almost one in five who identify as gay or straight also indicating clear bisexual behaviour or feelings. Some 53 per cent of those surveyed identified as female, 35 per cent as male and ten per cent as queer.

Most bisexuals come out to themselves between the ages of seven and 19, which according to the authors is similar to the age at which most of those who identify as lesbian or gay come out.

Two out of five bisexuals consider themselves to be polyamorous, which creates additional pressure. This is defined as having or wanting numerous intimate relationships with the consent of those involved.

Individuals were more likely to be out as bisexual where a company’s non-discrimination policy included both sexual orientation and gender identity and expression: in companies where there the non-discrimination policy covered just sexual orientation, respondents were no more likely to be out than if it was not in the policy.

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Bisexuality and Human Psychology

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The author of the following article states ‘bisexuality is not genetic’ because research on the human genome has not identified a gene that decides a person’s sexuality.  The author states human sexuality is formed by a persons personality.  I agree that personality plays a roll; however, I also believe bisexuality is genetic, as is, in large part, our personality.  The fact that the gene hasn’t been specifically identified does not mean it doesn’t exist.  It simply hasn’t been identified.  We don’t choose to be gay, straight or bisexual.  We are who we are.  At the same time, the article offers an intriguing perspective.

From an article posted by PrefixAlex on Mibba Articles

… society tends to skip over bisexuality. Members of the heterosexual community tend to lump bisexuals in as gays or lesbians, and gays or lesbians tend to lump bisexuals in as fellow gays and lesbians who lack the chutzpah to fully “come out of the closet.”

This article aims to give true bisexualism the attention it deserves as a valid facet of human existence, and present it as the simplest form of human sexuality, that which is inherent to the human being from the time of its birth.

 

As with all things concerning our nature, we must start at the beginning. Rewind to about 2500 years ago, and you will find , Alexander the Great, turning the entirety of the middle east, southern Europe, north Africa, and west Asia in his personal playground.

It is theorized that Alexander had both male and female partners. Nobody said much of anything back then. In fact, in ancient Greek tradition, it was customary for a man to sleep with another man before he was considered an adult.

 

Fast-forward until about 100 AD, when St. Paul, captain of early Christianity, is writing his letters to the Corinthians. He touts heterosexuality as the only form of human sexuality, and 2000 years later, we’re still listening to him.

 

Prior to the development of Christianity and most monotheism, people had no problem with bisexuality, and it was an open part of the culture of the times. But as Christianity developed, a sense of “sex for the sake of babies” and virginal innocence was created, and homo- and bisexuality were viewed as morally wrong. A lot of people think the same way today, and I, personally, am fine with that.

 

Then along came the 20th Century, and a great homosexual awakening occurred. People began to “come out,” and weren’t burned at the stake, and the rest is history.

 

Bisexuality got lost in the mix, and people began to think in terms of magnetic polarity. You’re either one thing or the other. No exceptions, no grey area, no in-between.

 

People looked for causes of homosexuality, and the main school of thought turned out to be genetics. There are several holes in this theory.

 

Number 1: the “gay gene” has yet to be discovered. The Human Genome Project mapped 20,000 human genes and respective alleles, and not a single one will make you gay.

 

Number 2: transitively, people say that they are “born gay” or “born straight.” This is simply an impossibility. At birth, the human mind is incapable of understanding what being human is, let alone the intricacies of sexuality and courtship. Personality remains unformed until about age 8, as with morality, and prior to that, children are basically psychopaths. Prior to puberty, there’s very little distinction between a male and female child, so any development in sexuality cannot occur until about age 8.

 

So we’re at age 8, and by that time, most children have been indoctrinated into the Judeo-Christian beliefs regarding marriage and sexuality. Sociomorals have been firmly established: fighting is bad (as long as you are on the losing side), sharing is good (as long as you tell people when you do it), and men and women love each other very much (but not really; there’s a 50% divorce rate). But there is still room for doubt, and that is where Sigmund Freud comes in. The renowned psychologist, psychiatrist, and neurologist believed that all people go through a period of bisexuality. They experiment, see what appeals to their conscious, and ultimately make a decision. There is danger in this area for the human mind.

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Bisexuality

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Why are we questioned, and where are all the bi men?

From Creative Loafing.com

By Alexandra Caldwell

I wander through Google searches, trying to crack my writer’s block. I want to find something exciting and inspiring about bisexuality, but article after article disappoints or annoys me, at least at first glance. One of my first searches was “bisexuality articles.” My lips press together and my eyebrows furrow involuntarily. The very first hit is a New York Times article from 2005 called “Straight, Gay or Lying? Bisexuality revisited.” Already I was feeling a bubble of anger in my stomach. Another article was from msnbc.com entitled “More women experimenting with bisexuality.” One from Psychology Today was titled “Why are so many girls lesbian or bisexual?” From the titles, my first reaction is to get angry and defensive. I feel personally attacked as I visualize invisible fingers pointing, accusative voices crying, “Liar…Fake…Confused!”

It seems as though bisexuals always have to justify their sexuality, that no one understands it and people are trying to figure out why it’s so “popular” all of a sudden. We don’t fit into either the “straight” or “gay” box, and many of us don’t even fit into the likes-men-and-women-equally box many non-bisexuals have drawn up for us. There are so many of us who don’t fit neatly into a simple label or category, and that tends to make the mainstream uncomfortable. Throughout history it’s been easier for bisexuality to be discounted for either confusion or a phase or a hedge for someone who hasn’t come to terms with his or her homosexuality.

There has been a societal shift lately where bisexual women have become more public and accepted, so now everyone is asking where all these bisexual women are coming from and, furthermore, where are all the bisexual men? As these articles illustrate, there’s lots of chatter and theories about it. I’m no scientist, psychologist or sociologist, and I don’t have my own studies to back up my theory, but I think it’s pretty simple: It’s safer for women to publicly embrace their bisexuality now than in the past. Conversely, it still isn’t as safe for men to admit that they like men. However, this isn’t always what the mainstream thinks. It seems that people often follow the following reasoning:

1.) Bisexuality is less reported by men

2.) Reports of bisexuality are growing in women

3.) Therefore simply fewer men are bi or it doesn’t exist in men

4.) Therefore this is some sort of popularity trend in women and we should figure out why so many women are “turning” bi

I pushed through my sensitive feelings over the titles of these articles and read them all. I struggled through the first page of the New York Times article as it said “a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men.” This study was done by psychologists in Chicago and Toronto “who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and sexual orientation.” Although I am not a man, I am bisexual and was offended by this on behalf of bi men. Then the article went on to say:

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My Best Novel?

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When I’m asked which of my novels is my favorite, I’m hard pressed to give an answer.  In one way or another, I’m attached to all of them.  I’m sure most writers are.  I can, however, talk about the one I think is best.  Though it sells the fewest copies, it’s The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater.

There are a number of reasons for this; primarily it’s the unconventional way this story is told.  Like countless men in the world today, Johnny Feelwater comes to a point in his life he has to face the powerful laws of genetics, the laws that concern his sexuality.  The reason I use the term unconventional is because of the catalyst involved that puts him in this predicament, i.e. his so-called haunting; which I think may be the reason this novel doesn’t sell as well as the others.  Readers looking for an emotional human drama might, based on the title, pass on this story thinking it is more typical of books written in the supernatural genre.  Setting the record straight, though a supernatural element does exist in this novel, it merely exists to serve the aforementioned catalyst.  And, I might add, an intriguing twist.

The story deals with the complexities of human sexuality, the internal struggle a man faces in a society that tries to block the path he may have taken had he known it should have been open to him.  An inexplicable event in Johnny’s life exposes him to the most basic carnal instincts inherent in all of us, which point him toward the direction his sexuality would have led him had that door been open.  How all of this can affect a man’s life is the gristle and marrow of the story.

So if you’re looking for something to read, something about the drama of human emotion and sexuality, I hope you consider The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater.  It’s a tale you won’t soon forget.