Bisexuals Still Plagued by Misconception

From an article on kh-newstoday.blogspot

Survey finds different challenges for bisexuals

Yes: it really is different for bisexuals.

This is one of the findings from last week’s interim release of results from the Workplace Survey – possibly the largest of its kind – designed to investigate the work experiences of those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, many-gender-loving or fluid desire.

That is: it is not just that bisexuality is a genuine, distinct sexual orientation – as opposed to a phase that individuals pass through – but being bisexual leads individuals to face a number of challenges and pressures that are very different from those experienced by those who identify as lesbian, gay or even straight.

To begin with, the survey revealed that bisexuality is much more broadly defined than non-bi people know or understand, with almost one in five who identify as gay or straight also indicating clear bisexual behaviour or feelings. Some 53 per cent of those surveyed identified as female, 35 per cent as male and ten per cent as queer.

Most bisexuals come out to themselves between the ages of seven and 19, which according to the authors is similar to the age at which most of those who identify as lesbian or gay come out.

Two out of five bisexuals consider themselves to be polyamorous, which creates additional pressure. This is defined as having or wanting numerous intimate relationships with the consent of those involved.

Individuals were more likely to be out as bisexual where a company’s non-discrimination policy included both sexual orientation and gender identity and expression: in companies where there the non-discrimination policy covered just sexual orientation, respondents were no more likely to be out than if it was not in the policy.

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Bisexuality and Human Psychology

The author of the following article states ‘bisexuality is not genetic’ because research on the human genome has not identified a gene that decides a person’s sexuality.  The author states human sexuality is formed by a persons personality.  I agree that personality plays a roll; however, I also believe bisexuality is genetic, as is, in large part, our personality.  The fact that the gene hasn’t been specifically identified does not mean it doesn’t exist.  It simply hasn’t been identified.  We don’t choose to be gay, straight or bisexual.  We are who we are.  At the same time, the article offers an intriguing perspective.

From an article posted by PrefixAlex on Mibba Articles

… society tends to skip over bisexuality. Members of the heterosexual community tend to lump bisexuals in as gays or lesbians, and gays or lesbians tend to lump bisexuals in as fellow gays and lesbians who lack the chutzpah to fully “come out of the closet.”

This article aims to give true bisexualism the attention it deserves as a valid facet of human existence, and present it as the simplest form of human sexuality, that which is inherent to the human being from the time of its birth.

 

As with all things concerning our nature, we must start at the beginning. Rewind to about 2500 years ago, and you will find , Alexander the Great, turning the entirety of the middle east, southern Europe, north Africa, and west Asia in his personal playground.

It is theorized that Alexander had both male and female partners. Nobody said much of anything back then. In fact, in ancient Greek tradition, it was customary for a man to sleep with another man before he was considered an adult.

 

Fast-forward until about 100 AD, when St. Paul, captain of early Christianity, is writing his letters to the Corinthians. He touts heterosexuality as the only form of human sexuality, and 2000 years later, we’re still listening to him.

 

Prior to the development of Christianity and most monotheism, people had no problem with bisexuality, and it was an open part of the culture of the times. But as Christianity developed, a sense of “sex for the sake of babies” and virginal innocence was created, and homo- and bisexuality were viewed as morally wrong. A lot of people think the same way today, and I, personally, am fine with that.

 

Then along came the 20th Century, and a great homosexual awakening occurred. People began to “come out,” and weren’t burned at the stake, and the rest is history.

 

Bisexuality got lost in the mix, and people began to think in terms of magnetic polarity. You’re either one thing or the other. No exceptions, no grey area, no in-between.

 

People looked for causes of homosexuality, and the main school of thought turned out to be genetics. There are several holes in this theory.

 

Number 1: the “gay gene” has yet to be discovered. The Human Genome Project mapped 20,000 human genes and respective alleles, and not a single one will make you gay.

 

Number 2: transitively, people say that they are “born gay” or “born straight.” This is simply an impossibility. At birth, the human mind is incapable of understanding what being human is, let alone the intricacies of sexuality and courtship. Personality remains unformed until about age 8, as with morality, and prior to that, children are basically psychopaths. Prior to puberty, there’s very little distinction between a male and female child, so any development in sexuality cannot occur until about age 8.

 

So we’re at age 8, and by that time, most children have been indoctrinated into the Judeo-Christian beliefs regarding marriage and sexuality. Sociomorals have been firmly established: fighting is bad (as long as you are on the losing side), sharing is good (as long as you tell people when you do it), and men and women love each other very much (but not really; there’s a 50% divorce rate). But there is still room for doubt, and that is where Sigmund Freud comes in. The renowned psychologist, psychiatrist, and neurologist believed that all people go through a period of bisexuality. They experiment, see what appeals to their conscious, and ultimately make a decision. There is danger in this area for the human mind.

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Bisexuality

Why are we questioned, and where are all the bi men?

From Creative Loafing.com

By Alexandra Caldwell

I wander through Google searches, trying to crack my writer’s block. I want to find something exciting and inspiring about bisexuality, but article after article disappoints or annoys me, at least at first glance. One of my first searches was “bisexuality articles.” My lips press together and my eyebrows furrow involuntarily. The very first hit is a New York Times article from 2005 called “Straight, Gay or Lying? Bisexuality revisited.” Already I was feeling a bubble of anger in my stomach. Another article was from msnbc.com entitled “More women experimenting with bisexuality.” One from Psychology Today was titled “Why are so many girls lesbian or bisexual?” From the titles, my first reaction is to get angry and defensive. I feel personally attacked as I visualize invisible fingers pointing, accusative voices crying, “Liar…Fake…Confused!”

It seems as though bisexuals always have to justify their sexuality, that no one understands it and people are trying to figure out why it’s so “popular” all of a sudden. We don’t fit into either the “straight” or “gay” box, and many of us don’t even fit into the likes-men-and-women-equally box many non-bisexuals have drawn up for us. There are so many of us who don’t fit neatly into a simple label or category, and that tends to make the mainstream uncomfortable. Throughout history it’s been easier for bisexuality to be discounted for either confusion or a phase or a hedge for someone who hasn’t come to terms with his or her homosexuality.

There has been a societal shift lately where bisexual women have become more public and accepted, so now everyone is asking where all these bisexual women are coming from and, furthermore, where are all the bisexual men? As these articles illustrate, there’s lots of chatter and theories about it. I’m no scientist, psychologist or sociologist, and I don’t have my own studies to back up my theory, but I think it’s pretty simple: It’s safer for women to publicly embrace their bisexuality now than in the past. Conversely, it still isn’t as safe for men to admit that they like men. However, this isn’t always what the mainstream thinks. It seems that people often follow the following reasoning:

1.) Bisexuality is less reported by men

2.) Reports of bisexuality are growing in women

3.) Therefore simply fewer men are bi or it doesn’t exist in men

4.) Therefore this is some sort of popularity trend in women and we should figure out why so many women are “turning” bi

I pushed through my sensitive feelings over the titles of these articles and read them all. I struggled through the first page of the New York Times article as it said “a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men.” This study was done by psychologists in Chicago and Toronto “who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and sexual orientation.” Although I am not a man, I am bisexual and was offended by this on behalf of bi men. Then the article went on to say:

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My Best Novel?

When I’m asked which of my novels is my favorite, I’m hard pressed to give an answer.  In one way or another, I’m attached to all of them.  I’m sure most writers are.  I can, however, talk about the one I think is best.  Though it sells the fewest copies, it’s The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater.

There are a number of reasons for this; primarily it’s the unconventional way this story is told.  Like countless men in the world today, Johnny Feelwater comes to a point in his life he has to face the powerful laws of genetics, the laws that concern his sexuality.  The reason I use the term unconventional is because of the catalyst involved that puts him in this predicament, i.e. his so-called haunting; which I think may be the reason this novel doesn’t sell as well as the others.  Readers looking for an emotional human drama might, based on the title, pass on this story thinking it is more typical of books written in the supernatural genre.  Setting the record straight, though a supernatural element does exist in this novel, it merely exists to serve the aforementioned catalyst.  And, I might add, an intriguing twist.

The story deals with the complexities of human sexuality, the internal struggle a man faces in a society that tries to block the path he may have taken had he known it should have been open to him.  An inexplicable event in Johnny’s life exposes him to the most basic carnal instincts inherent in all of us, which point him toward the direction his sexuality would have led him had that door been open.  How all of this can affect a man’s life is the gristle and marrow of the story.

So if you’re looking for something to read, something about the drama of human emotion and sexuality, I hope you consider The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater.  It’s a tale you won’t soon forget.

The Long Road of Self-Discovery

From a husband in India; a story that sounds familiar.

I’m a 32 yr old Indian guy, from quite a conservative background with 3 small children. I’ve been married for 5 years now, and am quite close to my wife.

I’m bi, and would say that I am more attracted to guys than women. However, I have been lucky to feel attracted to my wife and kids-allowing, have a satisfactory sex life.

I’ve never been with a guy in my life, though I have used lots of gay porn on the internet, have met a few guys socially from gay personals site ( and now having a few close gay friends I am out to), and have done webcam sex twice with strangers on the net (mixed feelings :-) ).

I haven’t been with a guy but it is not out of lack of opportunity (most of my gay friends tell me I am quite attractive, and have even expressed desire in exploring with me if I am willing). There are a few reasons that I haven’t but one of the main has been that it is important to me to remain honest and keep my wife’s trust in my marriage. I see myself as a bad liar, and wouldn’t be able to hide it for long if I did cheat.

After 5 years of marriage, and at a stage where we are both settling down career-wise and family life is becoming stable, I have felt that the time is right, and have outed myself to her voluntarily. I think my worst nightmare is that she finds out from someone else. I don’t know if this makes sense to any of you (as my gay friends don’t get this concept) but it is important to me that I am authentic in my marriage, both in the sense that i can be me as I am, and also that I am not keeping secrets from my wife, irrespective of how dark and horrible they are (I’d say this is quite high up that ranking of darkness).

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Gay, Straight or In Between?

You secretly enjoy looking at men, or maybe not so secretly.  Certain men, that is.  Men you find attractive, who define your idea of  masculinity, sensuality and good company.  You like the way they’re formed, the way they think, the way they play and the way hair grows on their bodies.  You snatch glimpses in the gym shower, gaze at the countless photos on the Internet, or wish you could somehow get to know the guy three doors down the street.  You think about how they smell, what it’s like to touch them, or what’s it like to do more.  You may be married or have a girlfriend, or maybe you’re trying to decide which way to go–but you know you’re not entirely gay.

So where do you fit in?

Perhaps you’ve looked at the Kinsey Scale and have identified yourself with a number between 0 and 6.  Want a different perspective, one from a different approach?  You might be interested in the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.

Here is what the site has to say:

Are you straight, gay, or bisexual? We tend to think of sexual orientation in rather black-and-white terms. In fact, though, few people are exclusively straight or exclusively gay, and there are a lot of shades in between.

The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid was introduced by a sex researcher and psychiatrist named Dr. Fritz Klein in 1978. Based on the Kinsey Scale, it measures a person’s sexual orientation on a continuum between “straight” and “gay”, giving a more nuanced assessment of sexual identity.

After you answer the questions, you’ll get a chart that looks like this:

Are Bi-married Men Normal?

From the poll taken at The Bi-Married Mafia

The results of our online Poll for bi/gay men married to a woman.

In my initial posting we asked “whether you were normal?” Whether there actually is some measureable semblance of “normal” is to be debated. Whether these responses give us an idea of the normal gay/bi married men is also up for debate. Still we have just over 1280 bi/gay married men respond to the poll. Below are their responses and a few conclusions drawn from those responses.

So first WHO are the men that responded to our survey? They are men that are married to women (or common-law). 68% of our respondents were American another 24% are Canadian with the remaining 9% coming from Europe and Australia.

90% of our respondents are currently married (common-law 84% married, 6% common-law) with 8% now divorced and 2% widowed. The average age of our respondents was 45 years old with 25% being between 20 and 39 years of age and 35% in their 40’s and the remaining 39% being above 50.

83% grew up in a conservative or traditional home and 50% of them grew up under an active religious tradition. Now that they are married only 24% have remained religious with the majority living in liberal homes.

ORIENTATION

We asked, “What do you consider your orientation to be at this time?” 77% of our respondents self identified as “bisexual.”

Straight 1%

Straight but Curious 5%

Bisexual but inclined Heterosexual 16%

Bisexual (Equal Desires for Men & Women) 21%

Bisexual but incline Homosexual 40%

Homosexual but in Hiding 10%

Homosexual 7%

Of these respondents less than half (47%), had actually engaged in same sex activity with another male BEFORE they married. A further 35% were aware of their interest or were curious about sex with another male. It would seem that the majority of men went into their marriages realizing that there was an interest in same sex activity within their personhood (with 82% coming to a realization of their same sex orientation before marriage.)

So now married… what do wives really know of their husband’s orientation? Surprisingly, of the men surveyed, 31% of the wives actually know that their husbands are bi/gay. Not surprisingly 37% of the men conclude that their wives have absolutely no idea of their husband’s orientation. The remaining belongs to spouses that “may wonder” or “perhaps know.”

We asked if these men were at peace with their orientation.

19% answered negatively

19% answered “sometimes”

61% answered positively

We asked does a wife have a right to know about a husband’s orientation? 35% of respondents answered with an adamant “yes”, 13% answered an adamant “no.” The majority (52%) simply did “not know how to answer that question.”

SEXUAL PRACTICES AND ACTIVITIES

I have learned when discussing sexual activity with men, one has to clearly define WHAT sex is. It seems that men have incredibly different understandings of what denotes sex. Some do not consider mutual masturbation as sex; some do not consider oral sex as “sex.” Some conclude that it is only sex when there is anal sex happening. For the purposes of this survey we have chosen to label ALL of the above as “sexual activity.” In other words, “sex” is when one respondent actually touched the genitals of another male.

Of the actual sex practices of gay/bi married men… a full 78% of men HAVE stepped out on their marriages and participated in sex with another male.

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What is Bisexuality?

From Psychology Today, By Dr. Brian Mustanski

Skepticism about the existence of people attracted to both men  and women has come from heterosexuals as well as gays and lesbians. Even within the scientific community there has been debate about the existence and meaning of bisexuality. No one seems to argue with the reality that some people have sex with both men and women. The skepticism has centered on if that behavior is motivated by a strong sexual attraction to both sexes.

This debate recently flared up around the publication of an article by Rieger, Chivers, and Bailey that compared the genital and self-reported sexual arousal patterns of men who identified as heterosexual, bisexual, and gay. Men came into a private room in a lab and were shown several films that either included two men having sex with each other or two women having sex with each other. Genital arousal patterns were measured using a gauge that measures changes in the circumference of the penis as it becomes erect. This is also called a penile plethysmograph. Participants also self-reported their sexual arousal by moving a lever backwards and forwards to show increasing or decreasing arousal.

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A Friend Called Secret

I live in Michigan in a house where SECRET has lived for many many years in a secluded closet. The door to this closet is not opened very often very often for standing guard outside the door are a number of strong sentinels that keep watch over Secret to make sure he remains in the closet with the door securely locked. These sentinels are really very kind and seek only what they believe is best for me. There is -love of God and wife,faithfulness, obedience,truth vows; fear and disaster are also standing guard. But despite these wonderful sentinels there is one fellow that keeps trying to sneak past them all to pay Secret a visit. His name is desire; but he comes alone and ends up leaving Secret in the closet.

There have been a few times though when desire brought a friend-Opportunity. Opportunity does not come often and even when he does, most opportunities have ended abruptly because one or two sentinels show up and return Secret to the closet. A new sentinel has been added to the ranks, he is called Aging, he is very good at keeping Opportunity away.

I don’t know if Secret will ever be able to share himself with anyone but it is a comfort to [have my support group] and am grateful to talk from the closet to others who also may have a secret. Respectfully Yours,

Author Unknown

Last Outlaw On Love’s Frontier: The Bisexual Male

From www.CrabbyGoLightly.com

EARLIER THIS WEEK (In July 2010)  CNN EXPLORED A PROVOCATIVE TOPIC IN AN ARTICLE ENTITLED, “The last person out of the closet? The bisexual male.”

While straight people are considered “normal,” homosexuals are increasingly accepted, and bi women are tolerated with a sparkly wink, bisexual men continue to be viewed suspiciously.

Bisexuals of both genders often face the stereotypes that they are promiscuous, unable to commit, of wanting to “have our cake and eat it too.” Bisexuals certainly want to indulge in the best of both worlds (and why not you’re so inclined?), but I also know that I am more than willing and perfectly able to commit to the right person, should the question of monogamy ever come up.

Many of us are also told that we are going through a phase, and that this too, young grasshopper, shall pass. My thoughts? If you enjoy fucking a member of your gender now, you’re probably going to enjoy it later, too.

But bisexual men have more to deal with and are constantly battling the perception that they’re really are gay but don’t want to admit to it. And how sad is that! Can you imagine finally mustering the courage to “come out” as a bisexual, only to have someone tell you that you are, azza matter’a fact, just gay?

CNN featured couple Robert and Christine Winn – who have been married almost 18 years. The funk factor? Robert is openly bisexual and his wife accepts his orientation and supports him fully.

It’s just a part of him like any other husband who loses their socks on the floor or doesn’t take the trash out,” Christine said.

Another interviewee, 22-year-old Ben Pierce, likens bisexuality today to being biracial in the 1960s. He spoke about the difficulty in finding a sense of belonging with either camp — gay or straight. For Pierce, and the rest of us who feel that sexual and romantic attraction is “fluid,” there is no black or white. It’s all shades of gray, baby.

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