Category Archives: Discussion

Topics of interest to comment on.

Breast Feeding … The Time Magazine Cover

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We’ve all seen the cover of Time magazine this week, so I’ll show you a different picture. Breast feeding … I don’t get what all the controversy is about. It’s about the most natural, and one of the most beautiful visuals I can imagine. They say women shouldn’t flaunt it. What’s that all about? What’s flaunting it? Why have we sexualized female breasts to the extent they are considered indecent, even at a beach? Despite all the positive and beneficial qualities of most religions, this is a perfect example of one of the negative impacts religion has on society.

There were complaints the child was too old to breast feed. Many logical, thoughtful people see it this way. On the other hand, many psychologists believe there is nothing wrong with it, that breast feeding until age three or four nurtures the child emotionally, causing him to grow into adulthood better adjusted, more independent and better prepared the face the challenges of life. I’ll buy that.

Don’t forget to eat more Oreo Cookies.

Unintended Consequences

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The following is an email I received recently. At first it stunned me. Much of what Enlightened Male stands for was called into question, basically by the nature of the pols posted here and by casting focus on the commonly perceived flaws of the human body; for example, men grappling with their penis size. A significant percentage of men suffer too many occasions of inadequacy because they are convinced their penises are too small, yet I am hosting pols that reflect a narrow majority of men and women feel size matters. And it’s true, I do feature quite a few articles about body acceptance concerning issues like penis size, labia size, etc. Do these pols and articles, by their mere appearance on this site, simply focus attention on things guys and gals try not to think about, and negate the body acceptance mindset that I’m trying to promote?

Here is the email:

Dear Martin:

I am a female author writing about midlife men who are attracted to each other. For this project I have read widely – including one of your novels – and have visited your sites and read a number of your pieces. There is much there that has confirmed me in my endeavor.

I have to wonder why the The Enlightened Male OFTEN encourages a focus on things such as member size and fur thickness/distribution.

Supposedly your cause, if you will, is supporting men who are attracted to loving both men and women. Your novels and stories have this focus. You hope men will be self-accepting, all along the spectrum, but you also want to help them (or so I thought) to focus on what’s truly important in relationships: Love.

You applaud women who accept and love their special men. You gush how you wish there were more such women in the world. Do you really think the sort of woman who loves her man “no matter what” with respect to his sexuality is going to reject him for the “wrong” amount of body hair? I am confused by your frequent polls majoring on such minor B.S., Martin, when what matters is something far less tangible than preoccupations from which I would hope you would be aiming to liberate your site’s readers. There are plenty of “UN-Enlightened” Male websites out there, encouraging the frequent consideration of body hair thickness and penis size: Why run with that pack?

The characters in your novels are searingly relieved and thrilled to find brothers, kindred souls, with similar inner/lifelong needs. Are they then going to take out the ruler and measure conformity to fetishistic preferences, after lifetimes of closetedness? What a Disconnect! I think you’re opposing your authorial agenda here.

Most bisexual men, as most people, hunger deeply for unconditional acceptance. I would Continue reading →

Accommodating Women

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I don’t title this piece lightly.If you Google transsexual or transgender about all you get is escort services and porn, which is fine if that’s what you’re looking for. I’m more interested in the woman, the girl that wants a boyfriend and an everyday life. There is a good size community of these girls, some pre-op and others who have gone through sexual reassignment surgery. The girl I find intriguing is the one who has decided to keep her penis, though everything else about her is female. My question is: Is she the girl you would like to be in a serious relationship with?

The following questions and answers are from Michael at TS Girlfriend

Not all girls are born female. There is a special class of woman out there, with a different set of attributes than the “genetic girl,” or GG. It’s the transsexual woman, or “TS.” A woman who used to be a male. “Pre-Op” refers to the fact that she has not had sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), the sex-change surgery.

Definitions: A “pre-op transsexual” is a woman in the wrong body, one who has breasts (through taking female hormones and/or breast implants), and a cock. A TS is almost always living full time as a woman. A “non-op transsexual” means that the TS will not have SRS. Usually that is also the case with a pre-op TS.

1. Why would a guy want to date a pre-op transsexual?

A lot of guys who show interest in TS’s are, in fact, bisexual. Others are bi-curious. Still others are looking for cheap thrills. Some men find TS’s to be more feminine than GG’s. And then, of course, there are guys who seem to just plain connect better with a pre-op transsexual than a GG.

For the guys just seeking a sexual experience, there are plenty of shemale escorts available who will happily provide an exciting experience for a fee, without any danger of commitment. Don’t know any escorts? Use a search engine, search under keywords “shemale escorts (enter name of your city or state)” — odds are you will find what you need.

TS’s tell me that most of the guys who contact them are, in fact, bisexual or bi-curious. They say these men are often looking for a same-sex experience but packaged in such a way that they have deniability. They seek to deny (to themselves, probably) that sex with a person who has both tits and a dick is homosexual in nature, when the guy is sucking that dick or getting fucked by it.

Some men find today’s so-called independent woman to be not very feminine at all, overly assertive, argumentative, prone to characterizing a simple male advance as “harassment,” and a general pain in the ass to be around. One guy told me dating a so-called independent woman “is like dating your brother.” Who among the women of today delight in being extremely (and classically) feminine? The TS’s.

Others find solace with a pre-op transsexual because she used to be a male and has a far better understanding of what it means to be male than most GG’s ever will. Any guy who is chronically misunderstood by GG’s will be able to appreciate the viewpoint of the TS.

2. Sexual confusion and disorientation.

Guys ask me for advice. “I met this transsexual woman at a club and I am really attracted to her but I am concerned that it means I am gay or something. Am I?”

Some careful dialogue with the guy usually uncovers the fact that he was very attracted to the TS’s femininity. Her look, her voice, her movement, her laugh, her smile, her scent, and all those other feminine cues that trigger interest and a masculine response from a guy. Gay guys are not attracted to those attributes.

Therefore, if a straight man finds himself interested in a pre-op transsexual and is experiencing some confusion as a result, then he needs to consider exactly what it is about her that is attracting him. If it’s her femininity, then he’s not responding like a gay man would, and thus shouldn’t worry about whether he’s “turning gay.” If the guy can accept that he is attracted to a somewhat different kind of woman and still wants to pursue it, take it just one step at a time.

Take her out to dinner or a movie. Talk to her about whatever, listen to her words. Look into her eyes. Can he get lost in her eyes, as he can with a GG? Can he relax around her and just enjoy being with her, as if she were a GG? If so, take one more step. Hold hands, kiss her good-night. In other words, treat her like he would any GG date, at a pace that he can handle, given his concerns. Easy!

3. What does a transsexual woman look for in a guy? Continue reading →

Big Surprise

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Bisexuals Really Do Exist!

An article from the New York Times by David Tuller

The finding is not likely to surprise bisexuals, who have long asserted that attraction often is not limited to one sex. But for many years the question of bisexuality has bedeviled scientists. A widely publicized study published in 2005, also by researchers at Northwestern, reported that “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction, it remains to be shown that male bisexuality exists.”

That conclusion outraged bisexual men and women, who said it appeared to support a stereotype of bisexual men as closeted homosexuals.

In the new study, published online in the journal Biological Psychology, the researchers relied on more stringent criteria for selecting participants. To improve their chances of finding men aroused by women as well as men, the researchers recruited subjects from online venues specifically catering to bisexuals.

They also required participants to have had sexual experiences with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex.

Men in the 2005 study, on the other hand, were recruited through advertisements in gay-oriented and alternative publications and were identified as heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual based on responses to a standard questionnaire.

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San Francisco is Getting It Right

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We’re down to somewhere between 33% and 35% of cutting male infants in the United States. More parents are beginning to question this bizarre, antiquated practice. I’m not really wanting to advocate more laws, but I wish there had been one when I was born.

The following is an article in the guardian.co.uk, written by Neil Howard and Rebecca Steinfeld.

Time to ban male circumcision?

San Francisco voters will decide later this year whether, like its female counterpart, male infant circumcision should be outlawed. If passed, article 50 — the “Genital Cutting of Male Minors” — would make it unlawful to circumcise, cut, or mutilate the foreskin, testicles, or penis of another person aged under 18. The bill includes an exemption for cases of medical necessity, but not for custom or ritual, which has profound implications for the many Jews and Muslims who consider it an essential part of their religious or cultural practice.

Unsurprisingly, the bill has attracted considerable controversy. Some regard it as a modern manifestation of western antisemitism, while certain feminist groups consider the idea of comparing male and female genital cutting to be both offensive and unsubstantiated.

 Neither the World Health Organisation nor the UN oppose male circumcision, and given that the procedure is so unquestioned that 33% of American boys still undergo it, one might think that they have a point. But is it really so simple? And are the differences between male and female circumcision really so straightforward?

 According to research, the sexual damage caused by female and male genital cutting can be extensive. Female genital cutting, which can involve removal of the clitoris, may reduce the likelihood of orgasm and cause complications during childbirth. Similarly, male circumcision can result in excruciating pain, nerve destruction, infection, disfigurement and sometimes death. Like the clitoris, the foreskin serves a sexual purpose, and it protects the “head” of the penis from outside elements.

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Circumcision … A Jewish Perspective

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From the Jewish Daily Forward

By Jay Michaelson

For several decades, opposition to circumcision has been building in the United States and within the American Jewish community. This year, the people of San Francisco will see on their ballots a proposed ordinance banning circumcision entirely, with no exception for religious Jews or Muslims. As others have written in these pages already, this measure is offensive and overbroad, and at least some of its proponents are clearly guilty of anti-Semitism. (It is also, in my view, unconstitutional.) Civil liberties groups and Jewish organizations have roundly condemned it, and defeat seems likely.

But San Francisco is a harbinger of things to come, and critiques of circumcision are not limited to the lunatic fringe. Opponents say that circumcision is a brutal, nonconsensual mutilation of a child that results in a permanent loss of sensitivity. Our society doesn’t allow parents to abuse their children, this argument runs, so why should we allow this particular form of violence, which is irrevocable and damaging? Proponents counter that circumcision reduces the risk of HIV transmission and of some STDs, that the “mutilation” in question is relatively minor, and that, in the case of religious communities, it is time honored and religiously mandated.

Personally, were it not for my Jewish heritage, I would never circumcise a child of my own. (I do not have children, though my partner and I are considering it.) There is no question that circumcision reduces sexual pleasure, which I find philosophically repugnant. In fact, whether or not this was the original purpose of the mitzvah, the power of circumcision to reduce pleasure was well known to Jewish sages; Maimonides, for example, praises circumcision for just that reason. In addition, it is an unnecessary form of surgery, and it is indeed permanent; your son cannot change his mind about it later, even if he were to discontinue Jewish religious observance. And all of us who have been to a circumcision ceremony know that — for some babies, at least — it does seem to hurt. Finally, while there may be marginal health benefits to circumcision, I’d rather invest the time teaching my son about safer sex than slice into the body that God and nature have formed.

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Does Circumcision Make It Safer

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In male human anatomy, the foreskin (1) is a generally retractable double-layered fold of skin and mucous membrane that covers the glans penis (3) and protects the urinary meatus (2) when the penis is not erect.

The outside of the foreskin is a continuation of the skin on the shaft of the penis, but the inner foreskin is a mucous membrane (5) like the inside of the eyelid or the mouth. The mucocutaneous zone occurs where the outer and inner foreskin meet. Like the eyelid, the foreskin is free to move after it separates from the glans, usually by puberty. Smooth muscle fibers keep it close to the glans but make it highly elastic.  The foreskin is attached to the glans with a frenulum (4), which helps return the foreskin over the glans. At the end of the foreskin, there is a band of tissue called the ridged band, (6) which, according to some researchers, contains nerve endings called Meissner’s corpuscles. According to a study by Sorrells et al. (2007), the five most sensitive areas of the penis are on the foreskin.

Like the penis itself, foreskins come in all shapes and sizes.

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Some doctors and researchers believe there are medical and practical reasons to circumcise men.

From MedicalDude.com

Gay Men Undergoing Circumcision Would Have Limited

Impact On Preventing HIV

Adult circumcision has been proposed as a possible HIV prevention strategy for gay men, but a new study by the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health presented at the XVIII International AIDS Conference suggests it would have a very small effect on reducing HIV incidence in the United States.

Circumcision is thought to reduce the risk of HIV transmission by removing cells in the foreskin that are most susceptible to infection by the virus. Clinical trials conducted in Africa have found it reduces the risk of HIV in heterosexual men, yet there is little evidence that it can reduce transmission among American gay men.

The study was based on surveys of 521 gay and bisexual men in San Francisco. Findings indicated that 115 men (21 percent) were HIV-positive and 327 (63 percent) had been circumcised. Of the remaining 69 men (13 percent), only three (0.5 percent) said they would be willing to participate in a clinical trial of circumcision and HIV prevention, and only four (0.7 percent) were willing to get circumcised if it was proven safe and effective in preventing HIV.

Continue reading →

What would you change about your genitals?

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As a writer, I enjoy penning tales that celebrate male beauty, mind, body and soul.  As doctors and researchers, the folks in the psychology department at McGill University are concerned with how men evaluate certain features of their genitals.

In fact they are conducting research on this very subject in the form of an Internet survey, which I found to be an interesting piece of research in this era of size matters.

Enlightenedmale2000 currently gets around four thousand hits a day, most of which, I assume, are from men. And since men, gay straight, bisexual or otherwise, are critically conscientious of their genitals, this survey sparked my curiosity about what you would change about yours.

The following image is my perception of perfection.  Not too much pubic hair or too little.   The penis is not too big or too small and is accompanied by a nice low hanging scrotum, nearly hairless and weighted with a pair of well-defined testicles, all of which has appealing shape and color.  I would trade with this guy.

penis

So, given a chance to change something about your genitals, what would it be?  A longer or thicker penis? More or less pubic hair?  A straighter erection?  A harder erection?  Want your foreskin back, or get rid of the one you have?  Larger or smaller glans?  A mole or wart in the wrong place?  Or maybe you’re among the fortunate few who are completely satisfied by how everything is hanging down there.

PENIS SIZE IS: (check one)

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PENIS SIZE, Part Two (check 2)

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PENIS SIZE, Part three (check up to 3)

View Results

Would You Want to be 100% Straight?

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So you’ve recognized the fact you’re attracted to men.  Is that something you regret?  If you walked into a French Quarter voodoo shop in New Orleans and found, among the spider eggs, fly wings, and toad stools, a magic potion that would make you 100% straight, would you grab it up and drink it as fast as you could?

emotion1

How many gay or bisexual men have asked themselves this question?  I bet 99% of them.  What if a pill would do it, would you swallow two or three  and then stare at yourself in the mirror, waiting for the change, wondering what you will look like straight?  Or perhaps you find out about a tribal dance practiced by young warriors in Kenya that makes real men out of boys; would you put on a loincloth, take up a spear and give it hell around a backyard bonfire come the next full moon?  Given the circumstances gay and bisexual men face in our misguided society, it’s little wonder if some of them would.

man_thinking2

But when you get under the surface, below the lifetime of negative self-images and male identity questions, all that history that has glommed together to comprise your uniqueness, would you really want to give up one of the most vivid colors in your rainbow?  You’ve finally gotten past all those gender-identity issues and have learned how to let your thoughts blossom without self-imposed limits–would you really want to force all that  vital roundness back into such a small square hole?

in-thought

Your liberated sexuality defines far more than the shape of the human body that attracts you, it’s interrelated with other facets of your persona.  It’s likely to make people perceive you as interesting, whether they know about your sexuality or not.  It plays a role in the books you chose to read, the movies you choose to see, the places you choose to travel to, the friends you choose.  Without it, you may not even be interested in books, or you may find yourself lined up with the masses at the next college coed exploitation movie.  You might even identify with those guys in TV beer commercials, heaven forbid.

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A New American Trend?

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Apparently going topless is a revelation.  It shouldn’t be.  Why we’re so freaky about the human body in America is a puzzle to me.  Maybe it’s because so many of us have given our bodies over to Twinkies and donuts.  People like being naked because it feels good.  They like the sense of freedom, the feel of sunlight and fresh air on their skin.  They like the joy and magic of being human.  There should be more breaches, walking trails and swimming holes, etc. for adults who understand this sensual sense of freedom.  The following article about women who are bold enough to protest our archaic nudity laws reflects a step in this direction.

From The Daily News, New York

By Joe Jackson

Some were shocked. Others disgusted. But for some, it was the breast day ever!

topless

Dozens of semi-nude women gave the city a Double-D eyeful Sunday when they bared their boobs in Central Park and then marched through the streets.

The daring display was part of “National Go-Topless Day” – indeed, there is such a thing – and stunned jaded New Yorkers and wide-eyed tourists alike.

“This is unbelievable – and super,” said Dalvin Jan, 21, who rents bicycles for a living on Central Park South. “I’m going to tell my wife to join in.”

With Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman” blaring from speakers and chants of “free your breasts, free your mind,” the troupe of bare-breasted women – and their enthusiastic male supporters – paraded their way along Central Park South.

“We’re all here for the same reason – to allow women to be free in the park like men,” organizer Sylvie Chabot, 54, of Montreal, told the crowd at a midday rally at Columbus Circle.

Motorists honked their horns in support while bemused tourists took photos from passing tour buses.

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