Peonies and Epiphanies

Julian is not only a guest contributor to Enlightened Male, he is, in both mind and body, a beautiful man. His spirit lives in the hearts of all like-minded men. Perhaps you seen earlier features I have posted about him, perhaps you have read some of the poetic comments he has left on various feature articles, perhaps you’ve been touched or inspired by the things he has said.

It’s been a long road for Julian, girlfriends and a long marriage, and the blissful boyhood memory of a day he once spent with a friend, to the revelation that finally put the period at the end of the sentence, the sentence he has struggled to construct his entire life that defines his sexuality. Here he tells us about the journey in his own words.

‘Epiphany: any moment of great or sudden revelation.’  … Life is full of them, but we pay more attention to some than others. Late last night was such an occasion, for a epiphany or two…

 It was well after midnight. I had gone to bed after a relaxing with part 3 of a fascinating TV documentary series on Ladyboys. A subject close to my heart. This episode was about an Englishman and his Thai fiancee, who was simply beautiful, incredibly feminine, and still with her penis and male genitalia. What was illuminating was his description of their sexual and sensual relationship, in and out of bed, how they related. He observed underneath her womanliness, which was without question, her subtle but very male traits added to their relationship to make it all the better, no barriers, complete understanding of each others needs.

While my epiphanies may not seem great to others, and not sudden, as in a light coming on, but much more graduated realizations, almost two years of visiting EM has no doubt had a nurturing effect. I note very recently the distinct change in how I react to seeing, or being in the presence of men, handsome men, cute men, sexy men, urbane and intelligent men. Probably, hopefully even, gay men. Radar seems to be automatic. You get a sense of who is and isn’t, which has lead to my epiphany: acceptance … I like that I like men, gay men, bi men, men that like and feel attracted to other men and masculinity. Epiphany: The acknowledged need for and enjoyment of like male company, an uninformed part of my psyche since school days.  Glancing at the dictionary, a very straightforward and clear definition: ‘Homosexual: sexual attraction to the same sex.’ and for me like so many an attraction rooted in childhood, that began so many years ago, while largely pushed away, as I have spoken of here at EM before this, never far away, always near the surface. I was on the edge of puberty, and a friend and I would ride our bikes out to the back waters of the local lake, walk in a mile or so, strip off and play doctors and nurses, naked of course.

It was always so exciting to sit behind him, and with my hands part his cheeks, and he would then reach back and hold them open, while I would then investigate, poke, prod and tickle. Then we would swap places. Laughing and chatting away, erections coming and going. Later we experimented with kissing, laying naked in the long grass in the nearby paddock so no one could see us. I remember those times so fondly. They brought me here. Epiphany: The excitement of being turned on, knowing I’m feeling attracted, simply seeing a gorgeous man, a beautiful body. Longing to be me, free, an epiphany that prompted me to venture to some of the earlier posts on EM in the Eros category, where I found an image of two beautiful men making love in front of the fire. Some time back, for six intense months, my girlfriend and I shared our deepest, most erotic and forbidden fantasies, taking turns to set the scene, whispering the fantasy, then acting it out, swapping roles, nothing left out, and hearing the interplay of each other tell the story an integral part of the eroticism.

The images from Eros brought all that amazing time and nights in rapture flooding back, the pleasure and self understanding coming from being free to share and experience Continue reading

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Angst is what you feel when you have to keep your feelings about same-sex attractions a secret from everyone you know.

Angst is what you feel when you realize you can be arrested for swimming nude at over 99% of the public beaches in the United States.

Angst is what you feel when your love for women collides with your desire for an intimate relationship with another man.

Angst is what you feel when your sister walks in on you masturbating in the shower.


Angst is what you feel after dreaming you finally kissed your best friend only to wake up and remember he’s too homophobic to let it happen.

Angst is what you feel after your first month on high blood-pressure meds you realize you can no longer get an erection.


Angst is what you feel when realize everyone would tell you those feelings you have about your male colleague are wrong.

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An Aussie in His Youthful Fifties …

Here’s a man that cannot share his identity on the Internet, but he can share his heart, his creativity and his wonderful imagination. He can also share parts of his body that not everyone gets to see. The rest of this article is in his own words.

There is something very freeing about getting older, now in my mid fifties I am so happy in this no longer young or taut body, and likewise enjoy others who are slipping toward more gracious years.

[Mutual male attraction[ makes one want to stand naked on a hilltop and call out to the world, I feel beautiful, I feel alive, I feel your beauty, I am yours, I understand you, I want you, touch me, taste me, delight me, as I will touch, taste, delight you.

[Ejaculation] is surely a most amazing feeling, again and again till complete, then comes that deep relaxation, a peace that when allowed to flow heals our whole body as we feel each and every  muscle and sinew in our body let go and fall into deep and restorative rest and rejuvenation.

Though the qualities of feminine I adore, her touch, her voice, her nuances–I love them, but the nature of that attraction has changed. A lifelong fascination in ‘camp’, from behind a ‘hetero’ facade, bursting to join the Mardi Gras.

So where do I fit in? Moot point! A fresh take of the Klein Grid, you won’t be surprised. Continue reading

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The Male Psyche

Understanding the Male Psyche

Trying to comprehend the male psyche is like trying to comprehend the Universe, but possibly more of a challenge, though worthwhile when considering the particular male you may be interested in.

The first part is easy.  His looks.  To you he is beautiful.  You want someone that looks like him.  Done deal as far as that department is concerned.  The next part is also fairly easy: the chemistry that’s likely to develop quickly between the two of you, or not develop at all.  You like the way he smiles, the way he smells, the feelings you get when you are close.  Two bases are covered, chemistry and physical appeal, you’re ready to fall in love.  You’re ready, but you’re also facing the possible challenges of the male psyche.

Studies have defined the male psyche by seven categories: shame, emotional absence, insecurity, selfishness, aggression, self-destruction and sexual behavior.

Within these seven categories lies the answer as to whether the two of you are compatible or not.  In sync in all seven, great.  On the other hand being at odds with just one of them can damage or destroy a relationship, unless one of you are prepared to compromise for the rest of your life, or the other has the ability to recognize a character flaw within himself and is willing to change.

Sometimes, usually at the beginning of a relationship, the signs of a character flaw are subtle, or easily ignored because you are so head-over-heels crazy about him.  But eventually you realize that can of beer he never forgets to open after dinner is actually a case and a half over the weekend . . . and you don’t drink!

Seven Categories of the Male Psyche

All seven categories are influenced by the the indoctrination almost every male receives from the moment he is born; it’s either a positive and healthy indoctrination; or a negative one, typically where the boy is taught to be a man within the narrow framework of what so frequently defines masculinity in today’s world.  In other words, not enough input from his mother.

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