Julian is not only a guest contributor to Enlightened Male, he is, in both mind and body, a beautiful man. His spirit lives in the hearts of all like-minded men. Perhaps you seen earlier features I have posted about him, perhaps you have read some of the poetic comments he has left on various feature articles, perhaps you’ve been touched or inspired by the things he has said.
It’s been a long road for Julian, girlfriends and a long marriage, and the blissful boyhood memory of a day he once spent with a friend, to the revelation that finally put the period at the end of the sentence, the sentence he has struggled to construct his entire life that defines his sexuality. Here he tells us about the journey in his own words.
‘Epiphany: any moment of great or sudden revelation.’ … Life is full of them, but we pay more attention to some than others. Late last night was such an occasion, for a epiphany or two…
It was well after midnight. I had gone to bed after a relaxing with part 3 of a fascinating TV documentary series on Ladyboys. A subject close to my heart. This episode was about an Englishman and his Thai fiancee, who was simply beautiful, incredibly feminine, and still with her penis and male genitalia. What was illuminating was his description of their sexual and sensual relationship, in and out of bed, how they related. He observed underneath her womanliness, which was without question, her subtle but very male traits added to their relationship to make it all the better, no barriers, complete understanding of each others needs.
While my epiphanies may not seem great to others, and not sudden, as in a light coming on, but much more graduated realizations, almost two years of visiting EM has no doubt had a nurturing effect. I note very recently the distinct change in how I react to seeing, or being in the presence of men, handsome men, cute men, sexy men, urbane and intelligent men. Probably, hopefully even, gay men. Radar seems to be automatic. You get a sense of who is and isn’t, which has lead to my epiphany: acceptance … I like that I like men, gay men, bi men, men that like and feel attracted to other men and masculinity. Epiphany: The acknowledged need for and enjoyment of like male company, an uninformed part of my psyche since school days. Glancing at the dictionary, a very straightforward and clear definition: ‘Homosexual: sexual attraction to the same sex.’ and for me like so many an attraction rooted in childhood, that began so many years ago, while largely pushed away, as I have spoken of here at EM before this, never far away, always near the surface. I was on the edge of puberty, and a friend and I would ride our bikes out to the back waters of the local lake, walk in a mile or so, strip off and play doctors and nurses, naked of course.
It was always so exciting to sit behind him, and with my hands part his cheeks, and he would then reach back and hold them open, while I would then investigate, poke, prod and tickle. Then we would swap places. Laughing and chatting away, erections coming and going. Later we experimented with kissing, laying naked in the long grass in the nearby paddock so no one could see us. I remember those times so fondly. They brought me here. Epiphany: The excitement of being turned on, knowing I’m feeling attracted, simply seeing a gorgeous man, a beautiful body. Longing to be me, free, an epiphany that prompted me to venture to some of the earlier posts on EM in the Eros category, where I found an image of two beautiful men making love in front of the fire. Some time back, for six intense months, my girlfriend and I shared our deepest, most erotic and forbidden fantasies, taking turns to set the scene, whispering the fantasy, then acting it out, swapping roles, nothing left out, and hearing the interplay of each other tell the story an integral part of the eroticism.
The images from Eros brought all that amazing time and nights in rapture flooding back, the pleasure and self understanding coming from being free to share and experience Continue reading