Category Archives: Human Sexuality

The diversity of human sexuality

Penis Size and Circumcision

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A question from Yizreel:

Actually I have a question . Does circumcision have an effect on your penis size ? I’m 13 and want to be cut.

My reply:

Usually circumcision affects on your penis size no more than a haircut will make you look shorter. However, you are losing some skin, so of course your glans will appear to have a smaller diameter. Also, it depends on how much skin is cut off. If too much is cut, the lack of skin may restrict your erections, which may also cause discomfort; and some believe when infants are circumcised, and too much skin is removed, this restriction could inhibit penis growth. But at age thirteen, you may already be close to your full size.

This is an important decision for a guy your age to make. Think about it long and hard. If you’ve been teased in gym class or something like that, it would be tragic to give up your foreskin and then end up regretting it the rest of your life. And by the way, Yizreel, aren’t you supposed to be 18 to be on this site?

Side note:

Yizreel’s age points to an element of the human condition. This site is about human sexuality and the human body, presented in a frank and open manner, subjects we all are curious about once we reach puberty. If our society had it’s way, young people would be starved of this knowledge, picking up misguided scraps of information haphazardly. Our quest to protect young people from what has been labeled unsuitable for their age in effect jeopardizes an otherwise healthy lifelong perspective.

Consider the early American Indians, and various cultures around the world even today, families living in single room tents and huts. Nudity certainly isn’t an issue in these peoples lives, but what about the young people and even the children who wake up during the night and see their parents having sex? Or the ten-year-old that watches his mother breast feed a sibling? Are these young people detrimentally affected. Are they scarred for life? I happen to believe, as a whole, these young people growing up in these circumstances are far better adjusted to what should be the natural harmony of life.

Vicious Circles

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A plea from M:

i am glad i came across this website as it gives a very fluid description of human sexuality. i am not sure if i can identify myself as bisexual anymore. i have been alienated from my small community as a result of checking other guys out. i have only had sex once with a female prostitute which was awful. All the men in my area are scared of me and i cant help looking at mens crotch area in every social interaction.

this has resulted in me not leaving the house and i even send my mother to the door to pay the pizza guy. I explained to her these reasons for not answering the door.i have had to turn down job opportunities also as a result. i am also addicted to gay porn and masturbate to fucking guys up the ass. i feel as if i need that sexual release but i don’t want emotional attachment to another man.i have been attracted to women in the past but was afraid to take it further in case i couldn’t get a erection.

I am torn between fantasy fucking men and not been attracted to women anymore. i don’t want to fuck men as i am terrified of getting aids. my kinesiologist reckons i don’t love myself and it is pointless trying to love anyone else at this particular stage. i don’t know what to do and i cant keep living like this as it is not healthy. i would be grateful for any insight you would have to my situation

My reply:

You are questioning your sexuality, while at the same time living in a small town environment that compounds the problem. I’m not sure if you are suffering a case depression or not, but you need to find out. A good place to start would be trade your kinesiologists for a licensed psychologist. To simply tell you that you don’t love yourself, then say it would be pointless to love anyone else, seems like detrimental advice. Applied kinesociology, if that’s what you’re talking about, is considered pseudoscience and quackery by much of the medical world.

As to checking other men out, many of us do that, it’s human nature, but it can be done subtly and discreetly. If this is an obsession you are having difficulty controlling, all the more reason to see a therapist. Whether you are meant to be with a woman or another man, you first need to build your own foundation, identity your sexuality and be comfortable with it, set your insecurities aside, and put yourself out there so that you might have a chance to meet someone with whom to share your life. A good therapist can help you with all these issues. And stay away from the whores; what she has to offer you is far different than a girl that wants to get to know you can offer.

As to the small town environment: No place on earth will accept you until you accept yourself. If you have confidence in yourself and accept you are, others will come around. This, over time, can be accomplished in a small town. Get involved in helping old people or some other local charity; show people you’re a good guy despite their misgivings about your sexuality. If things like this aren’t the answer, perhaps you need a change. Lots of people leave small towns for reasons similar to yours.

Think about the vicious circle you’ve put yourself on. Then change your mindset. Get out of bed tomorrow determined to put your life on a new path, determined to recognize yourself as just like everyone else, just viewing life through you own personal prism. Your mind has the power to do this, just as it has had the power to convince you of all your insecurities and shortcomings.

My Husband Doesn’t Admit He’s Bisexual

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I don’t know where to turn . . .

My husband is definitely @ least bi. I think he gets angry at me about it. He wants to watch gay porn and says it’s because I like it. (It actually freaked me out for a long time but now I do get turned on by it). He rubbed his male friend the other night in front of me (over his jeans) and said that was for me too… He is angry with me when I try to talk about it and denies any bi feelings. I am sad that he never seems pleased with me in bed and wish we could have an open and honest discussion about it. I am sad and lonely and don’t know where to turn.

Reply:

You have described an insecure man who has serious self-identity issues, a man that is trying to control you by switching on his anger to shut you up. Additionally, no thoughtful husband would express displeasure with his wife’s sexual performance. If the picture you have painted about your husband is objective, he needs psychological help if he is to become a whole man that is at peace with himself, and a worthwhile husband.

First, you need to take charge of your own life. Quit having sex with him until he has a conversation with you about why he isn’t satisfied with your performance. Perhaps he would like you to be more proactive, or more willing to try different things. Unless he is gay and doesn’t realize it, or unless you are simply in a bad marriage, your sexual relationship should be repairable.

Secondly, since he has introduced you to gay porn, and rubbing his male friend’s crotch, you have a right to discuss his sexuality, and a right to expect him to be responsive. Insist upon it. Tell him his anger is misplaced and let him know exactly how you feel, that your peace-of-mind has been affected, and that your future happiness is at risk. If you are indicating acceptance of his sexuality, it is his obligation to discuss it with you, to explain why he brings gay porn into your life if he himself is not aroused by it. If you succeed in getting him to participate in a conversation, and if he admits his attraction to men, then the two of you have to determine what the parameters of his sexuality will be in regards to your marriage. In other words, will he eventually want more than watching gay porn movies with you?

If your sincerest attempts to talk to him fail, you have no choice but to see a marriage counselor and/or reevaluate your marriage. These issues are not symptoms of a healthy relationship.

Eros … Suppose You Had Two Husbands

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Or supose you have one husband whose boyfriend you share. No, this isn’t a situation every woman could be comfortable with. But some are. Others have imagined or fantasized about it. For those women, it could very well make for some interesting evenings.

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YOU ARE A WOMAN MARRIED TO A BISEXUAL MAN. (check 0ne)

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Unintended Consequences

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The following is an email I received recently. At first it stunned me. Much of what Enlightened Male stands for was called into question, basically by the nature of the pols posted here and by casting focus on the commonly perceived flaws of the human body; for example, men grappling with their penis size. A significant percentage of men suffer too many occasions of inadequacy because they are convinced their penises are too small, yet I am hosting pols that reflect a narrow majority of men and women feel size matters. And it’s true, I do feature quite a few articles about body acceptance concerning issues like penis size, labia size, etc. Do these pols and articles, by their mere appearance on this site, simply focus attention on things guys and gals try not to think about, and negate the body acceptance mindset that I’m trying to promote?

Here is the email:

Dear Martin:

I am a female author writing about midlife men who are attracted to each other. For this project I have read widely – including one of your novels – and have visited your sites and read a number of your pieces. There is much there that has confirmed me in my endeavor.

I have to wonder why the The Enlightened Male OFTEN encourages a focus on things such as member size and fur thickness/distribution.

Supposedly your cause, if you will, is supporting men who are attracted to loving both men and women. Your novels and stories have this focus. You hope men will be self-accepting, all along the spectrum, but you also want to help them (or so I thought) to focus on what’s truly important in relationships: Love.

You applaud women who accept and love their special men. You gush how you wish there were more such women in the world. Do you really think the sort of woman who loves her man “no matter what” with respect to his sexuality is going to reject him for the “wrong” amount of body hair? I am confused by your frequent polls majoring on such minor B.S., Martin, when what matters is something far less tangible than preoccupations from which I would hope you would be aiming to liberate your site’s readers. There are plenty of “UN-Enlightened” Male websites out there, encouraging the frequent consideration of body hair thickness and penis size: Why run with that pack?

The characters in your novels are searingly relieved and thrilled to find brothers, kindred souls, with similar inner/lifelong needs. Are they then going to take out the ruler and measure conformity to fetishistic preferences, after lifetimes of closetedness? What a Disconnect! I think you’re opposing your authorial agenda here.

Most bisexual men, as most people, hunger deeply for unconditional acceptance. I would Continue reading →

Some Point Up, Some Down

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Michael wants to know …

Why do some men’s erect penis stick beautifully straight up, but in some pics; other men’s it hangs beautifully straight down? I can’t force mine to hang straight down.

Reply:

Call it penis personality, Michael. The downward hang could mean the penis isn’t fully erect, almost but not quite. Often, as men age, they don’t achieve the raging erections of their youth. They are still quite firm and functional, but some of the firmness has given way to time.

Also, your penis is internally attached to the cartilage between your pelvic bones by a suspensory ligament, which causes high angle erections. The ligament can stretch or vary naturally from one man to the next, which creates the differently angled erections. Some men have the ligament surgically cut, which allows the penis to hang lower when it’s flaccid, thereby making it look longer.

Self-Conscious About My Small Size

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This is a comment written yesterday by a man named Jay. Since many of us are walking the same path, I thought I would call it to your attention . . .

Since puberty I have been more or less self-conscious about the small size of my penis. This has not however kept me from enjoying many happy sexual moments with men whose penises have usually been larger than mine. I am now in my sixties, and a new factor has entered my life. I was diagnosed with an enlarged prostate and put on a prostate-shrinking drug. The drug relieves my symptoms (frequent urination) but also seems to have caused my penis to shrink, even though it can sometimes reach the size it had when erect in the past. I realize that some shrinking of penis size is normal as men age. But now when I look in the mirror naked, I see a really small penis and this depresses me (and makes me self-conscious in the shower room).

In short, I pretty well accepted having a small endowment, but now that endowment seems to be becoming even shorter! Groan. I feel that many older men, particularly those on prostate meds, may be experiencing this phenomenon. Sorry to say it, but it does affect one’s self-esteem at least somewhat.

Having thought about this for the past year, I have come to the conclusion that the great advice on this site also applies to me and men like me. Be happy with what I’ve got, appreciate my penis as a beautiful part of me, and pay no attention to anybody who might turn a disapproving eye on it. But let’s be honest: it’s hard to stay positive about this. A loving partner can be very helpful. And I think it’s also helpful to be upfront with any partner, to let him know that “Hey, I’m still in here, still the same sexy guy I always was.” I plan to visit several old friends this summer (who have been sex partners of mine in the past), and I intend to be very honest with them and be proud of who I am and what I still have to offer. We might even have a good chuckle about it, and then get on with all the intimacy we can muster.

And it should go without saying, good sex is far more than penis size. The whole body is capable of amazing sensations and pleasures. The “blessing” in this may be that it de-emphasizes the focus on the penis during sex and leads us to new vistas. Like so much in life—as we grow more mature, we can become more mindful and sensitive towards ourselves and our partner. Good wishes to all who find themselves on this path.

If Jay’s message impacted you the way it has me, your heart has gone out to a thoughtful man. A man in his sixties, based on the all to familiar size matters comments, the jokes and teasing, has endured an unwarranted emotional dilemma by simply seeing his penis in a mirror. The emotional pangs are even present by being with or seeing larger size men. Jay is a man many of us can identity with.

Jay is also a man that has gone beyond the superficial mores of human intimacy so common in those who are basically out for no more than a piece of ass. He has discovered the essence of life’s most valued gift, that sex is so much more than being penetrated by an enormous penis, that human intimacy does not begin and end with a man’s dick.

Reread Jay’s last paragraph. It reflects a profound and basic truth.

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My Body Is Hairy

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A question from Anonymous:

I was wondering about an insecurity of mine. I’m still a young guy, but I have a hairy body. It’s just my back that basically isn’t hairy. Do guys find guys attractive that have a hairy body? My ass is also pretty hairy (I’m talking cheeks too…) and shaving or using creams really hurts when it grows back, because I guess the hair is too course and dark.

Do you have any suggestions?

My reply:

The beautiful thing about the male body is the dynamic variations from one man to the next. Body hair is just one of the variations A man can be very hairy to practically hairless, and everything in between. Hair patterns and colors are part of the mix, as varied as snowflakes. All of this influences your potential mate or companion. No matter how hairy your are, there is someone out there that will be wild about you just the way you are. And as far as hairy men are concerned, judging by the pol below, they are very popular and seen as masculine, attractive and desirable men.

Then again, if you are concerned, if you feel you have too much hair and feel insecure about it, there are excellent remedies to consider that address this issue. Laser hair removal for one. Most guys aren’t concerned about having a hairy ass … many of us think hairy asses are extremely sexy, but you might not want hair on your shoulders, for example. Schedule an appointment with a technician that specializes in laser hair removal (waxing is just a temporary fix I wouldn’t recommend with your circumstances), get their analysis, determine if you want to spend the money, then go for it if it will make you feel better about yourself.

But to answer your question directly; yes, many guys find male body hair irresistibly attractive.

MALE BODY HAIR

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Me & My Body

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This is a hard-won perspective written by a man named Tom, a perspective developed against the odds during the course of his lifetime. Tom thought Enlightened Male would be a good place to tell the world his story, and for that I am grateful.   -Martin

ME & MY BODY

I grew up with definite feelings of shame about my body, especially those parts between the navel and the knees that didn’t even really have names in my family. I didn’t talk about my penis or my anus even when I had medical problems or a curiosity about what was happening to me during puberty. Anything going on ‘down there’ was a taboo subject in our household so nudity was never even considered an option.

The lack of information about sex and sexuality left me in the dark to find my own way around. Information and misinformation was gleaned from my peer group many of whom were equally in the dark. Thus like a huge majority of mankind I grew up thinking that the sensual, sexual and even aesthetic appeal of bodies was something to be ashamed of and to hide.

I am now in my middle sixties and for the past twenty years I have begun to celebrate my own unique body that gives me huge pleasure as well as some pain and I have come to the realisation that I am not ugly because I’m fat, not disgusting because I’m getting older and my skin is not as smooth and unblemished as it once was, not unlovable because it takes me longer to get an erection and sometimes I can’t sustain it. I’m not alone in having the feelings and fantasies about others, not unique in finding bodies endlessly fascinating and that there are many people who love to be naked and uninhibited and have, hopefully, lost much of the shame that family and society have planted in us.

I now celebrate my body through being naked and enjoying the air on my skin, I am uninhibited about being photographed without my clothes and sharing these images with those in the world who aren’t shocked by the sight of a male body and the erect penis.

I am fascinated by my fellow man and the beauty of his body and endeavour to capture these wonderful creatures on camera and hopefully, together with my models, I can find a new way of representing us and our sensibilities to the rest of the world. We are not just the stereotypes that the media and advertising promote but we come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. We also have our own particular racial characteristics and are informed by our sexuality. Many of us have physical and psychological differences and, most importantly we are all born, grow old and die and at every stage of that journey we are equally valid.

Some say our bodies are ravaged by time. Maybe, in our extreme old age, they are. But a better term for our bodies prior to our extreme old age would simply be aged. Time changes our bodies like a splash of water changes a fine painting done in water colors. It’s in the cards for all of us, and it happens so much quicker than we think possible. This is why Enlightened Male exists, to celebrate our bodies and ourselves, to illustrate the beauty of life beyond material and theological clutter, to focus on the basic and important things Mother Nature has given us. Maybe Tom has helped us learn to accept and enjoy who we are, and have fun simply appreciating it.

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I’m Anxious About My Penis Size

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Alex wrote:

I am a male in his twenties and I have been searching for a site that gives an accurate portrayal of the male penis. For over a year now I have been anxious about my penis size, despite the fact I have been in healthy relationships with women. I am a little over 6 inches in length and exactly 5 inches in girth when erect. I know these measurement are considered average, yet I have found it increasingly hard to accept what I have. No women has ever said she was unsatisfied by it, yet I still feel a great sense of inadequacy. If men are reading this who are smaller than I and who are equally concerned about their dimensions then I don’t mean to cause offense, we all have insecurities and this happens to be my greatest one. Are there any guys on here who are content with the average size? I feel like my penis size should be larger as I am 6ft 1,even tho I know height plays no role in penile length. Thank you.

My Reply:

God only knows how many men feel the same way, whether their penises are average size or smaller. Porn is rife with men sporting weighty fire-hoses. Everywhere you turn you’re hearing size matters. Many guys guys have suffered embarrassment in their high school locker rooms. You see pictures of attractive men with their handsome swinging dicks, and you can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to be like them. Is it any wonder? Try as I might, I can’t seem to find the words to put this issue to rest in the minds of many men who feel they are too small, myself included. Alex is a bit bigger than I am … I can see why he feels the way her does.

But then I think about it. What about the pictures of smaller men? Are they not equally attractive? A good many people think so. In fact, many of the hung men I’ve seen are too hung, to dis-proportioned. And I also think about my own personal preference. Though size matters hardly a whit compared to a guy’s persona, had I choose to live my life with a man instead of the beautiful woman I married, I would have preferred a man with a smaller penis. Then, if he saw things the same way, we would be perfect for each other. And consider the countless keywords used on Google that bring visitors to this website; by far the most common are two words, small penis (three times more common than the second most popular). Not average, small. Getting right down to it, the hype has little basis in fact. Intercourse for both men and women is the emotional experience of feeling a man’s penis inside you, knowing what you and your body are doing for him, the connection; not necessarily the means of having your anus or vagina stretched to its limit.

True, some men and women prefer larger penises. But that’s the point. For many others, penis size simple doesn’t matter, or they prefer smaller ones. Just take a look at the following pol. So Alex, if you have a mindset, if you simply can’t look in the mirror and be happy with what you see, if knowing there are countless men and women out there that would prefer you just the way you are, there isn’t much I can say that will change your perspective. But work on it, buddy, things could be much worse.

PENIS SIZE IS: (check one)

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