About Me

I was born on the banks of the Amazon River and raised by a Kaiapo wet-nurse while my mother conducted medical research and taught the Kaiapo children how to play the violin.  After growing up with my fellow rain forest natives and a long bout of malaria, I went on to get my degree in rocket science at the University of Uganda (U of U).  To this day, I have not gotten a rocket off the ground.  Presently, I’m trying to raise money to return to the Amazon to show gratitude to my surrogate mother, whom I’ve not seen in all these years.  She had always wanted a car hood to use as an awning over the door to her hut.  I finally found one, on a 1973 Cadillac, in a wrecking yard on a two-lane highway just south of Knoxville, Tennessee.  Today, I take great satisfaction in spending time with my wife, in writing, and in telling lies.

My earliest memories, at least those that are still fairly clear, are of those initial stages of puberty, when a boy begins to notice things about himself that are changing, when all of a sudden he realizes there’s more to his body than a place to put Band-Aids.  I noticed these same things about the other boys in the village, as we ran and played and wrestled together and threw sticks at the monkeys.  Hmm, I thought . . . what had been a nondescript and easy-to-ignore anomaly had become the center of attention.  The other boys my age had these odd shaped, rather impractical danglings between their legs, too, whereas the girls did not!  Somewhere in the back of my youthful mind, I knew this curious centerpiece must be used for more than taking aim in a peeing contest.  Seems young boys have a way of figuring these things out, especially when one of the girls sits him down and gives him a lecture on the birds and bees.  (Why they always seem so far ahead of us, I haven’t determined).  Still, there were questions.

Why, for instance, when another boy approaches, now that hair has mysteriously appeared under his arms and down his legs, is one’s attention so magnetically drawn to that part of his body?  (Except for the occasional loincloth, most of us were usually naked.)  Why, concerning the workings of my own mind, all this curiosity?  Why this urge to look, to ponder, to compare?  And most importantly, why, beyond my curiosity about the other boys, this sudden preoccupation with my own body, especially at night when no one was looking?

As I proceeded into my teenage years, I began to notice the subtle things about the other boys, things I liked, things I wanted to be part of, the camaraderie and mischief.  It felt good to be one of the boys.  I wanted to throw a spear as far as they could, laugh at the same things, tell lies about deflowering virgins (by then I knew what that meant, sort of).  But along with this endeavor to be like the others, I wrestled with secrets I wasn’t about to confess, let alone try to act on or initiate.  So like the other boys, when we all slept out under the stars, I satisfied my adolescent fantasies by participating in . . . well, if you’re a man you probably remember what those games were called.  Sad commentary when you’d rather be involved in some serious exploring.

Then there was Kalo: bronze hairless body, fleshy round butt, strong legs and a smile that emptied my head of all other thought.  What about him, and why did I spend so much time looking at him?  I watched him fish, sharpen poison darts, flirt with girls, and I especially enjoyed watching him climb a tree.  Something was telling me there were more possibilities and I sensed it had everything to do with our bodies; along with the fact that it seemed there could be something really special about having a close friendship with another boy, which included certain understandings and sharing secrets no one else would ever know.  So during all those years of puberty and adolescence I developed a private perception of what must be a natural and quite wonderful kind of male bonding.

However, before I boarded that boat to Uganda, I had noticed something else that was common in the village: that remarkable union between a man and a woman, that closeness, that mutual trust.  At night, I would sit not far from the cook fire and watch the couples interact with each other as the evening wound down.  The innuendos and knowing glances were obvious.  I would watch fathers proudly pick up their children and bounce them on their knee.  During the night, long after the couples had disappeared into their huts, I would listen to the intriguing noises that wafted in the dark.  All of that, I decided, was for me.

After a stint flying transport planes for the Somalian Air Force, I ended up  in the States, where it became a series of events with young women and romance; all of the wonderful and miserable experiences a young man finds himself involved in while trying to figure out his direction in life.  I started my career and immersed myself in the senseless routines of one that thinks he will live forever.  Somewhere in there, I started an auto parts manufacturing company.  Here was a quagmire that lasted fourteen years, another lesson in life.  It was during the Carter years—you may remember Jimmy Carter, and his Misery Index.  In case you don’t, the Misery Index was the sum total of inflation, unemployment and interest rates.  Now this was a real witches’ brew for someone trying to grow a business, or should I say trying to survive in the business world.  Along with the countless government agencies that manufacturers have to contend with, which is akin to being up to your ‘you know what’ in alligators, I learned I wasn’t cut out for it.  Looking back, maybe I should have instead moved into a trailer down by the river and started writing my novels.  Trust me, there are circumstances that make poverty awfully appealing.

One day a mutual friend arranged a blind dinner date.  Skeptical as I was, I’m
here today to testify on behalf of love at first sight.  She was a tall blond.  I wouldn’t include what transpired over the next six months in a novel because no one would believe it.  Here, all the familiar terms are appropriate: soul mate, best friend, confidant, lover.  I knew almost from the first minute that I wanted to grow old with this woman.  You’ve heard of thick and thin—this lady has stayed with me through it all.  Probably our most notable adventure was the time we sold everything and went west to New Mexico to open a small restaurant.  Neither one of us knew the first thing about it.  Not to be discouraged, we rented a location in a small resort town and set about building the tables and scrounging up the equipment we thought we’d need; then opened what became a vastly popular eatery.  After a few years, this delightful woman went along with my expansion idea, which led to relocating in a larger town.  Big mistake, for a number of reasons.  But that’s neither here nor there.  We had a beautiful stucco home that overlooked the Rio Grande Valley and Rocky Mountains, and we enjoyed the finest climate in the world in one of our most beautiful states, and it all came to a sudden end.  She lovingly trekked back to Texas with me, where we started over again.  Today, being the first to read my novels (usually those miserable first drafts), my wife is my biggest fan.

Where does all of this leave those early discoveries concerning special kinships between two men?  Am I tempted by things that, during the general course of my day-to-day life, remain unsaid?  Do I take notice of a pair of tight-fitting masculine jeans, or the pattern of hair on a forearm, or a sweat dampened t-shirt on a runner?  Am I swayed by a pair of broad shoulders and narrow hips, or the day old stubble across a strong jaw, or all of the other nuances that comprise a male?  I think on some level most men are.  So you decide.  As for myself . . . well, at some point we all have to choose the road we travel.  We can’t have it all, can we?

PS

Parts of this biography were written in the form of a metaphor to depict my early life.  Actually, I grew up in Wisconsin.

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27 thoughts on “About Me

  1. Thank you, for this site! From a young boy, I’ve always been interested in male and female bodies. I’m 40 now and divorced(my wife cheated on me twice, so i kicked her out) and i never have even kissed a man, but can’t take my eyes away when i see something walking me by in beaches etc. When i saw the drop your pants section, i couldn’t stop staring :)
    So, i made a big step and sent couple pics of me to your site, because all my life people have made fun of my weight, in school and even at my home. So, all my life i have been trying to accept myself and my body…as well as my…

    Thank you again for this site, i believe this helps a lot people like me.

  2. Indeed all of us we have a story to tell on not, or a parallel one at least… Mine is not very complicated: Married with the most great woman, beautiful, inteligent, hard worker, and the best, she love me… But, there is a parallel part of my life…

  3. Hi Martin,
    Well i’ve only just read about you, and yet as you know i just love your site, wow what an interesting life you have had.. More than what i can say about my own here in the UK… I suppose like so many guys i was married twice , when i was 17 we had a baby too, but sadly i lost my wife and child with in a year.. We lost our baby dew through being born too early, then 6 months on my wife had a brain tumor, we got married an hour before she died.. I lost both of them within a year.. marie knew i was gay, she wished me luck and farewell and told me to follow my heart and to find another partner , she said be true to yourself and find a guy that will love you as much as i do… Any way for me that did’nt quite happen like that for me i had a terrible time of my sexuality . To move on i got married again about 15 years later and still had this terrible feeling about being gay, with my second wife i was married to her for 5 years, in all that time i never slept with her no sex never happened between us… I only married my second wife to which to this day i am and still feel so ashamed to hide the fact that i’m gay way back then i struggled big time, i just didn’t want to admit that i was gay.. Any way to move on a bit further
    Going on now on and off for the past 20 years or so I too have kind off wrote a Novel I have called it TRUE FEELINGS, for the the title does sound right. I hope may be i can publish the book myself once i feel the time is ready to share it.
    The novel is about me off course and the way i dealt with by the fact that i was gay, i hope with in it after people has read it they may learn from it,,, Via not going down the same road as i did.. Over those years i tried several times of suicide, taken my life, i lost back then so much of my life things like my family , my friends, my conferdance , so so much of my life.. The worse for me was the lonelyness that i brought upon myself and all because back then i couldn’t admit that i was gay.. As i said i hope one day that some good will come out of my book and help others, i just don’t want to see or hear other guys and girls go down the same path that i did.. I lost so much of my life the happiness the love of a guy ,the sharing
    and caring that i should have had back then..
    So may be martin you can see a litttle why i think your site is so good , you never know may be this site is where my book story should end up on..
    You keep up the good work my man one last thing, you are a very sexy guy all of us on here wants to see you get naked my man hehehe..
    Kind regards Terry,,, PS Thankyou for showing more of my photos called one mans intimate celebration great work…

    • Thanks Terry,
      You’ve been on one heck of a roller coaster ride. I glad things so much better for you now. You are a thoughtful, beautiful man with a wonderful heart.

      • Kind regards to you Martin for your kind words..
        well we all have a story to tell..
        Mine was a long journey ok i’ve ended up still a single guy at the age of 47 so still trying to find a mr right.. i’ve left it a bit late now but never mind.. That’s life … Am i happy no i’d love someone to come into my life but i live in hope..
        terry

  4. I’ve found your website to be very interesting and engaging.

    I am also a bisexual male,more ‘heterosexual’ than ‘homosexual’,though I stick to men for relationships
    (like you,I also made judgements based on the relationships between men and women around me.Unlike you though,I’m largely anti-traditional,don’t want kids for myself,and realized I make stonger and more fulfilling bonds with slightly feminine men than with women or uber-macho guys.)

    We definitely needs more sites like yours which celebrate male-sexuality in all its diversity. :)

  5. What a really interesting website! I really look forward to exploring it all. I stumbled across it searching for, who knows what, and just couldn’t click off. I don’t think I’ve been this intrigued since reading ‘Sex at Dawn’.

  6. Just came across your site after doing an images search for ‘male pubic hair’. Great site and pics! I’ve just emailed you a couple of my pics for the drop your pants section. Keep up the good work!

  7. just recently discovered this site and i must say i love it. i am 43, divorced (because the wife couldn’t handle it) and still trying to figure things out – nice to know that there are others out there like me.

    james

  8. Martin! I have only recently discovered your site and am quickly becoming addicted and your #1 fan! Reading your bio was engaging….however, I must admit I had hoped to see some of your private pictures accompanying the article. Please consider posting some–I imagine you are as amazing as your bio and website!

    • Mark, thanks for the kind comments. Glad you are here. As you requested, the picture is up, though I don’t consider myself very photogenic.

      And by the way, if you like to read and like the kind a content I put on the Internet, you may also enjoy the novels I write.

      • My man Martin! I have to disagree with you…I think you are very photogenic! So much so, I think we should see more of you too! (Hint..hint…hint).

        As for your novels, you can be assured I will be checking them out. I like the way you think and I think there will be a few good books in my future that I will be curling up to over the winter! Stay tuned for my critiques!!!!

    • Many thanks for this site and your bio. You have a wonderful way with words and if this site sums up who and what you are I guess there isn’t any need to go any further into your private life.
      BUT – it would no doubt be a revelation and help for those who are trying to acknowledge their own sexuality and how to deal with it.

      • My bio states it pretty clearly; but to put it in other words, I’m a happily married man that finds both men and women to be beautiful creatures. Had I met the right man instead of my wife, it might have gone the other way. Most of us are bisexual to some degree or another. Some don’t realize that because of a myriad of circumstances. Others can’t or will not admit it, but it’s there. Thanks Sach.

        • How right you are when you say: “Others can’t or will not admit it, but it’s there”. Your honesty is refreshing.
          I am a firm believer that irrespective of the fact that an individual may not be able to ‘come out’ to family and friends, it is still possible to be relatively happy in the bi-sexual world if the individual at least acknowledges to him/herself who and what they are. (Seems to be a different kettle of fish for women, whom it appears to me, are greater embracers of bisexuality).
          For me, coming out to my family would be a disaster (except for my youngest, 35 year-old son, who would probably find it a hoot!)
          Living who and what I am has given me a new lease of life and I’m one of the fortunate ones who dares to think that when I’m with friends “if only you knew!”

  9. From an enlightened visitor:

    Just wanted to say that I discovered your site only tonight and love it. I was browsing for male images in art, just out of interest and curiosity, when enlightenedmale2000 popped up in my google search. I feel as though I’m taken back to my sexual awakening with what I’m reading and seeing, and am examining my feelings without fear or embarrassment. Just beautiful. Thank you.

  10. I thank you so much for your honesty… and will always be grateful for my staying with the often unreal and /or ugly research I sought on the subjects of LOVE and SINCERE ADMIRATION… my own intuition keeping me going until I finally found your pages.
    I would like to find (again and again) the very beautiful story that was written from your wife’s perspective… it was what initially made me bookmark this site (the only one I did bookmark)… and what will probably keep me able to focus on the beauty of my man as the entire human being that he is (and not what the rest of the world might want me to think of our ever evolving relationship.
    Please send me the link to this writing as I cannot seem to find it again.
    Merci
    terrien

  11. I am not a writer but I’ll do my best to write what thoughts are going on in my mind as I looked at your website and your bio. First, I just wanted say thank you for this opportunity to see male as they are. It allowed me to go through the emotion that is so fluid with both aweness and repulseness and then back to the melting joy of happiness that male can enjoy their bodies and sexualities just as much as female should also enjoy their bodies and sexualities. These emotions are so tied to my past, yet the emotions is in the present and I think the melting part is that I am surrendering to it, accepting it and then changing it as if I am seeing it in a new light all at the same time. The thing that is so neat is how one feel about their bodies is so uniquely individual. I knew it was unique for women as I am one but men are too.
    If I go any further I would have to pour out my gut wrenching soul about how I was brought up around shame, drugs and alcohol, suicide, and pure dread of living in fear. That’s no way to live. Today, I am much more better and I am more open…open to allow others to live as truthfully or as lovingly mysterious in nuances ( I like that word) as I try to be to myself.
    Whoa have I said enough…I’ll stop here. Thanks
    Dawn
    Ps: I also want to thank Robert S for sharing his art.

  12. I can relate to your story and how you grew up as a boy among the Kayapo. That’s the part I envy you on; I had that experince only for a few months with the Xavante, but I qas already 30 then. Obbserving the boys and comparing I did at primary in PE.

  13. I happened to open your site, and found its interesting (well, thought it is pure porn site). I must say it’s a great and sincere introduction. I guess that’s what we call life, to face it, not to hide it.

  14. I have just read a well written deeply introspective personal essay that facinates me greatly. The remarks you have written here my friend are the reflections of a thinker who is able to reflect on the events of his own life in view of the passing of time and still wonder about certain characteristics of himself. Your facinating blog reflects the characteristics of a very complex male with androgenous interests and an appreciation for the arts and the beauty of both male and female.
    Thankyou very much for your blog and the works of art you bring to it. It is much appreciated and enjoyed.
    I only wish I could know you!
    Neil

    • I feel drawn to this description of you as if the writer was unwittingly describing me too, as he wrote: ‘the characteristics of a very complex male with androgenous interests and an appreciation for the arts and the beauty of both male and female.’ How sweet. J

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