Human Sexuality…Questions & Answers

Have a question about your or your significant others sexuality, or a question about me and my novels, send an e-mail to martinbrant@msn.com and I’ll post it here along with my thoughts.  And feel free to post your own thoughts about any of the entries … it may help someone.

Question from Madeline: My husband recently told me after being married for 7 years with two beautiful boys that he is bisexual. He claims it started when he was a young boy with a close friend and that he has acted out on his desires infrequently. He wants to stay together, I do too. Since his revelation, our sex life is even better as I am open to being with him or his experimenting on his own as long as he is careful, safe. However, I wonder if since he was in love in his first relationship with a man, if that is what he truly will seek out again, I worry about making the sacrifices to share him (I have no desire for men or women outside of marriage) and then one day he tells me he is leaving me for someone else…. how do I approach my anxiety with him?

Answer: Hi Madeline … you’ve given your husband an important reason to want to spend the rest of his life with you: your understanding. Provided your marriage is sound in the traditional ways, and provided your husband isn’t actually gay, you have nothing to worry about as long as he remains truthful and is careful. Bisexuality is far more common than most people think and even though your husband has chosen to marry a woman, his same sex urges can be quite compelling. Maintain good communications and don’t be afraid to ask him questions about your concerns point blank. After all, you are his wife and there should be no secrets or doubts.

The love your husband felt for a previous boyfriend doesn’t necessarily mean he would want to switch over to a gay lifestyle.  In fact it can work to your long-term advantage. If he develops a monogamous boyfriend relationship with someone you both know and trust, the intimacy between them will be much safer and more meaningful.  Preferably, this would be another married man who identifies with the love your husband feels for you, someone who will not try to pressure him to change his circumstances.

Question from Scott: You speak words of wisdom, I wish I could have the courage to identify as Bi. My wife knows that I am and that I have a sexual attraction to both sexes, I’m in a situation though that would really hurt me if I came out now.

I hear you about the frustration, I see all these cute guys all the time and I don’t have the heart to approach them. I will sit back and study them, (not stalk – dear god not that), and usually their actions will dictate if they have an interest in men. It’s very subtle, but they will do certain things that will clue me in on the fact that they are really comfortable with men. I’ve only met two other men that came out with me. One of them, I’ll never forget was my boyfriend during the time that he was working in the same area, I couldn’t follow him when he got fired for identifying as gay because I am held to this company by a contract and that there could be legal issues if I left. It broke my heart to see him go, he had the most wonderful personality, both of us loved to do the same things, slight variations here and there, but in all it was amazing. He was the most attractive man that I have ever laid eyes on and he was mine. It seriously broke my heart when he left and I have tried to keep in touch with him, but long distance is not doing us good. I met this other guy, Cameron who I flirted around with months after I was forced to break up with Brandon. He came out with me and I felt comfortable discussing my identity with him. We were great friends for the longest time and would cuddle and kiss. We never really went beyond that and I found out later on that he was bi-polar, he started having an attraction with another man and before I knew it, I am at where I am at, at the moment. My wife is fine with me having a boyfriend as she has a girlfriend herself. ;)

There are certain things that my wife and I hold dearly now that we are married and we wont do with our other partners. But all in all, I miss having Brandon hold me. I have dreams of being free of my job and feeling a warm autumn breeze pass between us out on a farm, looking up at his wonderful green eyes, with a strong, but pleasant musk. Just holding him, never wanting to let him go and then the dream is over again and I wake to harsh reality.

How do you guys deal with something like that? One thing that has come out of it, I am still attracted to my wife, but have a strong want to be with the same sex. No I am not going to leave her, or do things without her knowledge because trust and love fall in as top priority in the relationship. But I feel myself slipping into this void, not knowing where to go or what to do. I feel days slipping by and I still am separated from both of them. It drives me crazy.

Answer: What a bittersweet story. Scott, for a happily married bisexual man, you have a perfect scenario, in that your wife knows who you are and not only understands, but feels the same emotions herself.  It does, however, seem to be an uphill climb to replace what you had with Brandon.  All you can do is remain optimistic and keep trying.  Maybe a search on the personals would help. I’ve always felt a married bi-guy is better off with another married man, someone who understands and shares the responsibilities of a married boyfriend.

Boyfriend lied about his sexuality…

Question from Debra: I just found out that my boyfriend is bisexual. the problem is he lied about it. First he told me that he had experimented with oral sex with other men. I told him I really didn’t care about the men and women in his past, as long as he could be faithful to me in the present and in our future together. Then a few hours later he said he just made that stuff up. I know this to be untrue. I just don’t know why he is lying to me. I might break up with him because of the lying. Can anyone tell me why an otherwise decent human being would lie about this to someone they profess to love???

Answer: It sounds like he started to worry about his confession and tried to retract it, possibly because it didn’t sit right in his mind after he thought about it. It’s likely he felt the confession detracted from his masculinity. If you care for him and don’t want to break-up, at the very least you will have to spend a lot of time getting to know him much better. At least he was honest before he had second thoughts, but you need to find out is he’s the type of guy that will lie because he has things to hide.

Secondly, learn all you can about bisexual men. Yes, like anyone else, bisexual men can be monogamous and I dare say most are, but some bisexual men don’t see fooling around with another guy as cheating, which it is if you see it that way. Again, pay attention and get to know him. Your intuition will eventually whisper the best possible advice in your ear.

Consumed with sexual desire…

Question: I’m married 42 year old with an appetite for sex.  Ssince turning 40 that has increased 10 fold, I masturbate 3-4 times a day. I like to watch a man masturbate and like to watch a man fuck another man. In fact I have been fucked and fucked another man and I love it. I especially liked being fucked. the feel of a hot cock swelling inside me. but I also love my pussy. what do I do? Is this just a phase? I don’t think so. please help.

Answer: Most men think about sex quite a lot and many fantasize about sex with other men. Too far beyond that it becomes a sexual addiction. You have two situations here: your increased sexual desire and your concern about a same-sex attraction, which is greatly complicated by your marriage. Unless your wife has granted consent for you to have an intimate male relationship, you’re also dealing with the guilt of infidelity. Plus, if you are having anal intercourse with men you don’t know very well, you are putting your and your wife’s health at risk. You need a therapist to help you sort all this out, someone that specializes in sexual addiction and has some understanding of same-sex attractions. At the same time, you have to decide what you want to do with your life, which may mean including your wife in the solution if you want to stay married. Otherwise stay exclusively with the masturbation until you have time to work it out on your own.

Question:

Hey martin,

i’m 14 and these are my pics. do u think the pics of my penis looks appealing? i have noticed one testicle hangs lower than the other. is this normal?

plz respond. i dont want to talk to my parents coz they are busy ppl. hope u enjoy them

p.s. could u put them on the website

Answer: You have a very appealing penis. Nice size and shape, and you are fortunate your parents chose to keep your foreskin intact. In the U.S. today, 33% of baby boys are still circumcised at birth. As for your testicles, it would be odd if one didn’t hang lower. It’s part of their personality. But since you’re still fourteen years old, I can’t post your pictures. Maybe you’ll think about it again when you’re eighteen.

As for you parents; most parents realize young men will have questions about their bodies. I would think they would want to be there for you when you’re wondering about these things, especially because it’s difficult to find someone else to turn to.

Question: I really enjoyed the various pictures of guys like me. However most of the guys either had the start of an erection or were “showers”. I am a grower and my flaccid penis is about 1,5 inches grows to a small 4,5 inches. My testicles are also very close to my body so it makes matters worse. I have NEVER gone naked in public as I am far to scared that I will be laughed at – even though I am 50! How about some photos of guys in the same sad state that I am in – it may realise I have nothing to be scared of. I have also only once tried to have sex with a woman and could not keep my erection. I am wondering whether I am perhaps gay (I do like to look at the naked male) and wanted to know whether n gay community penis size is always that important?

Answer: I’m delighted you enjoy the pictures of “small & average guys”. These are some of the most popular sets on the site, though some of the guys featured have closer to average size penises than what might be considered as small.

Your 1.5″ – 4.5″ penis is just slightly under average. It’s heartbreaking that you may have wanted to to experience social nudity and felt ashamed to give it a try. There is nothing quite like a sunny day on a nude beach. It’s equally heartbreaking that your fears have inhibited you with women, especially since so many women aren’t concerned about a man’s penis size. But it’s not too late; there is one out there for you. Seek her out and pursue her. Or, if you are attracted to men, that could be the answer for you. You’ll just have to get past your feelings of inadequacy and dive in. Try Internet dating sites. Advertise who you are. Talk about your fears anonymously and you might just meet a guy that thinks you’re perfect.

Judging by what I’ve seen so many times online, you get the impression most gay guys think a huge penis is God’s gift to mankind. I don’t believe this is true. I think a significant percentage of gay men are more interested in the guy as opposed to the size of his penis. Good luck my friend.

Question: I had 1 question why is that each time when i masturbate my sperm tends to shoot out to the left side?can u explain to me if u got the answer.thanks

Answer: This is nothing to be concerned about, other than your aim. As you can see in the picture, there are small formations of skin just inside your pee-hole. They will vary in shape and design from one man to the next. They are there to close off your urethra from germs and bacteria. Yours is most likely shaped in a way that they redirect the direction of your semen just as it squirts out.

Question: As far as my memory allows me to recall I have always fantasized about having an older man to be involved with and well when I was 25 my fantasy came true and we have shared about 11yrs together, more good times than bad. But what makes a person decide that he no longer wants to continue a relationship with you? With no reason or explanation? I really could use any advice because he was my first lover that I allowed to top me and that in itself does not help me because I do love him and would really like to find a way to mend what I have so royally fucked up! Thank You, Heart-Broken Bear in N.Nevada

Answer: This is a tough question. Obviously, the breakup has caused you tremendous grief. There are countless reasons relationships end and I do not have enough detail to hazard a reason your lover left you. However, it does sound like he has left you with no choice but to move on. Give yourself a little more time to heal, then open your heart and mind to a new adventure with someone else. If you are still attracted to older men, there are many out there that would be receptive and your “fantasy come true” would start all over again. Take a look at the Silver Daddies website and see if there’s a lucky guy in your area.

Question: My name is Rinzin and I’m 20 from NY. I moved here with my family when I was 15. I’m in a long distance relationship and we’ve known each other since 4th grade. We used to be best friends and it was nothing but friendship from my side. He sent me a letter telling me that he loves me and we were only 9. I ignored it and we stopped talking. I would try to talk to him but always blushed. But then years passed and when we both turned 13, he started flirting around with a bunch of other girls. And I recently went back and I saw him. He came to drop me off at a station. We talked a little and he was on his way and I was on mine. Days after, I had a convo with my best friend who is a mutual friend of ours. I told her that I thought he was little cute (I kinda did know he was in a relationship) He was with her for 1-2 years and he lost his virginity with her. But they were having issues and my bestfriend had told her to try me. He added me on skype and he asked right away. I was excited and I said Yes. Its been almost 3 months and ever since day 1, he said he knows for a fact that he wants to marry me. He calls me every so often but I don’t feel the same way about him anymore as always. We’ve not seen each other yet ever since we were “boyfriend-girlfriend”. I have to wait atleast till summer of 2013 to be able to see him again. I don’t know if I’m up for it. I don’t wanna lose him as well because I feel like he’s gonna treat me right.

I was wondering what your take is on my situation.
Thanks
Rinzin
P.S : I’ve seen his penis and he’s seen my boobs

Answer: Hi Rinzin. You’re situation sounds complicated. It also sounds like you have doubts. He may be the perfect man for you, but if you are to consider marrying him, here is what I suggest: 1. Live together or at least live in the same city for three to six months. 2. Sleep with him. No one should marry someone with sleeping with them first. 3. After you’ve seen each other routinely for a period of time, listen closely to your instincts. Doubts turn into insurmountable problems during the first few years of marriage.

Question: Hello Martin. I have a bit of a issue, to start with I’m 19 years old and I have a girlfriend we have been together for five years, just saying that I like girls. But recently I started having weird feelings for my guy friend we have been friends for 10 years, he is straight as well, he is married. We do everything together just like normal guy friends do, even gotten naked in front of each other we never saw nothing wrong with that , we know each other for a long time. Before he got married, me and him will found one girl and both of us had sex with her at the same time and sometimes we will have a jerk off race to see who will come first. We are great friends and we have each others back. He is the only guy I see in a homo way, I dont see other guys in that way, I just really prefer girls. I dont like guys in that way, I just like to hang out and have fun. What should I do and what do you consider for me? I think I feel like this because I know him for a long time and we were always together.

Answer: Being intimately attracted to your friend doesn’t mean you aren’t straight. I believe the vast majority of men, given certain circumstances, can be sexually attracted to another man, even if they clearly prefer women. Such a close friendship can setup a special set of circumstances that not only affect you emotionally, but physically. You guys have already been intimate with each other in a hands-off way, which has left you feeling like there could be more. If you think he may feel the same way, you could suggest you masturbate each other next time you’re thinking about a ‘jerk-off race’. That would connect you in a more intimate way. A lot of men would love to have a friendship like yours.

Question (from a bisexual woman): I know your site is about bi men, but i have had an issue of fantasizing about being with women when I am with a man. It is to the point that without the fantasy I can’t orgasm. I was molested as a child and have only had a few brief encounters with a woman. I love my husband with all of my heart, sexually he turns me on but I have trouble “getting there”. Is there something wrong with me?

Answer: I like to think this site is about human diversity, which of course includes women. It’s slanted toward men because I am one, and bisexual men seem to have a little higher hill to climb than most bisexual women.

But that doesn’t answer your question. No, there is nothing wrong with you. Almost everyone fantasizes about something during sex, especially those who have been partnered for many years. Plus, many women have some degree of difficulty having a climax. These same women almost always have certain ‘triggers’ that help make it happen, such as, during intercourse, the man reaching behind and pushing his finger in the woman’s anus. Or a husband might bring his wife to climax manually before intercourse, thus insuring her climax, perhaps using a combination of oral and anal sex. I know it can be awkward, but perhaps you could talk to your husband and the two of you work on a technique together. But again, there is nothing wrong with you.

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25 thoughts on “Human Sexuality…Questions & Answers

  1. Two points: First, there are other ways to deal with a tight foreskin than circumcision; please search online. As a woman who has tried both, I would say that an intact man is something delightful, though I am sure circumcised men can be wonderful lovers. But I am not the only woman to say that orgasm while fucking is only possible with a man who has his foreskin.

    Second, no one should claim he is hung like a horse. As two men who were working on our house said, when seeing my horse after he had let his penis down, “Well, there’s no competing with that!”

  2. I am 23 years old and have a small penis, around 3.5-4″ when erect. I had one long-term relationship between the ages of 16 and 19 but haven’t been with a girl since then. I am worried about putting myself out there because of my size. What advice can you give me to help with this anxiety? Thanks

    • Did someone answer this already? Can’t see the answers… just wanted to say that I had in a bad relationship that lasted… uuuh… 2-3 years. His dick was amazing! Big (would say standard size), straight, nicely shaped etc etc. However, it always was too big for me ( I am quite small). The sensation of stretching made it impossible to feel anything else. So. Then after that, I had a short (4 week) thing with a guy with a small penis. The sex was much more enjoyable, but the guy was completely nuts. So I left him as fast as I could. Now I am dating someone who was really embarrassed when we got intimate, he told me so, which I found super cute. Only a few mins after I realized why, his penis is really small. And the nervousness made the sex a bit… awkward, but he was so cute about it. I am sure we’re going to practice for a bit longer, and I will just have to know him better. Cause I date the person, not the dick. And he seems just to be that amazing, funny guy.
      For me a small penis just works. It’s more elegant than those pythons. A bigger penis can turn me on, yes. But the biggest turnoff is an asshole. The lesson is: It is never about the penis! And women who have not understood that… very doubtful!!! And maybe a sign of bad character…

      • Oh yes, and of course, an advice:
        So a thing that helps with anxiety is exposure techniques. When you need help, consult a psychologist. U just have to get used to the reactions of others to your penis… go, for example, to saunas. Yeah, they will stare, or might even laugh, but you can go there until it doesn’t bother u anymore. Did you know there are some tribes where the guy with the smallest dick has the highest status??? I don’t know why, maybe they just can’t rely on penetration when it comes to satisfying a woman. Ha!
        You need to be just comfortable with your penis.
        If you meet a girl, tell her about the size before you get intimate… just tell her that you’re insecure about your small penis, and ask her if she would be bothered. She might be, sometimes a girl just has to get used to the idea! But when she says, she’ll give it a try… cool woman! If she says no, she’s not bothered: excellent! If she says yes, she’s bothered: Haha! Turn around an go!

  3. Hi mate,

    When I masturbate, I’ve found it harder to reach orgasm, and when I ejaculate, hardly a drop usually comes out. Also, orgasm is sometimes very weak. I’m 16.

    Any thoughts?

    • Certain medications may cause difficulty in reaching orgasm. In the human male reproductive system, retrograde ejaculation (dry or very little ajaculate) occurs when semen, which would normally be ejaculated via the urethra, is redirected to the urinary bladder. Normally, the sphincter of the bladder contracts before ejaculation forcing the semen to exit via the urethra, the path of least pressure. When the bladder sphincter does not function properly, retrograde ejaculation may occur.

    • You’re 16, so you’re jerking off, what, like 4 times a day? Or more? You’re probably just draining too much juice! It’s not limitless- it can take a while for your balls to reload. You can also lose sensitivity when you pull on it so much. So just take a break for a few days, and you’ll probably be back to normal. You also might want to try taking zinc supplements, as semen contains high zinc levels, so that might help you reload quicker.

  4. why is my penis very small, but when it’s erect,its very big! what can I do to make permanently big? Answer please

  5. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz my penis is small in size of 4.5 does this penis makes my wife pergant whn i insert in her pussy hole????????????

  6. i have a same penis of 4.5 inches is it ok 2 make my wife pregnant?or how should i increase my penis naturally plz reply plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

      • plzzzzzzz my frinds saw my dick and said its small iam 20 years old plzzzzzzz say that if i get marrid does my dick give peasure 2 my wife?

        • Not the size of the tool that matters mate, but how well you handle it.

          I haven’t got the biggest, nor the smallest penis size, but I’m perfectly average. 5.7 inches. Had an ex, with 3 kids… And never heard her complain, though I got bored of the sex, twice a day!

  7. once i trim my pubic hair then i bleach it after a while it turns white then i dye my pubic hair with hair dye red color and it work i thought i was just doing it for fun untill i get the result

  8. Just curious why do sometime sperm tend to shoot out like firemen hose and or sometime its just drip slowly only all over the penis during or after having sex or masturbate,to me i like it just shoot out like a firemen water hose

  9. i had 1 question why is that each time when i masturbate my sperm tends to shoot out to the left side?can u explain to me if u got the answer.thanks

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