Comments on: Male Bisexuality & Marriage

By: martin

martin — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 22:17:47 +0000

Hugh, this is a tough situation for many married men. Since your wife enjoys gay porn, you may have one step going in the right direction. But entertainment and learning she has a bisexual husband are two different things. No one knows your wife as well as you do, so only you can decided whether to open that door or not. But once it’s open, it can never be closed again. You’ll have to put her emotions ahead of yours for a long time. You’ll have to assure her that nothing will ever be as important to you as your love for her. Only then will you be able to explore her parameters. Then, once her position is stated, if it is not what you wanted to hear, you’ll have to decide all over again how to proceed with your bisexuality.

A lot of guys are with you, my friend . . .

By: Hugh

Hugh — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:19:34 +0000

I have been attracted to men for some time now. I am happily married and have been for over 20 years. My wife and I watch porn movies sometimes when we have sex, some are decidedly gay. She knows it excites me and I have even mentioned having another man in bed with us. She seems to pass it all off. I have noticed she gets excited watching g/g sex on video but professes to have no interest in women. I doubt she would ever be receptive to me opening up although I would love to and I dreamthat she too would be bi-sexual. My gay friend advised me not to open up to her but I am at a loss. I have been with other men and like it. I feel frustrated and frozen as to what to do. I hate to be secretive but feel I must. I suspect I am not alone. I’ve read your commentaries but am scared to death to open up.

By: Sach

Sach — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 22:31:03 +0000

That you’ve decided to blogg about your experiences and that it has given you the opportunity to take ownership of what you is brilliant!
I’m in the same boat as you – married and ‘out’ only to myself. Over time I’ve learned to live with who and what I am and to a certain degree enjoy it.
There’s no way in the world that I could ever ‘come out’ to my wife and family, so the alternative for me is to effectively manage the two sides of my sexuality. Being bi-sexual for me has had it’s benefits in that it has made me a better lover with my wife which has always been sensual and erotic.
I’m convinced the secret is firstly to acknowledge to one’s self the bi-sexuality and enjoy sex with other men, and secondly learn to manage it, safely, cleanly and tell yourself it’s the greatest feeling in the world !
I do, and it works for me.

By: Sach

Sach — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 22:19:56 +0000

Very interesting article.
I’m a bi-sexual married man and I take on board what has been said here about HIV/AIDS etc.
It’s extremely unfortunate that one or two bi-sexual men haven’t taken the care they should have in their m2m relationships. However, I have to suggest that these guys are few and far between. Most bi-sexual men I’ve known are only ‘out’ to themselves and very careful that not only should their secret not be discovered by family and friends, but also very, very careful that their m2m relations stay clean.
For myself. I have no option but to remain in the closet. Over time I’ve learned to live with myself and my deceitfulness in order to live with others. The m2m relationships I’ve had have served me well in the relationship I have with my wife.
I am a tender, erotic lover with her, always ensuring she’s satisfied when we have sex. She tells me often, that I never fail to hit the [G] spot and our relationship continues to be kind and loving. And all this despite the fact that I enjoy the occassional tryst with another man.
It can be done, provided an individual first acknowledges to himself who and what he is. Then he will be mentally better equipped to deal with both sides of his
life.
Oscar Wilde said: “A men must live that which is within him, otherwise his life will be a lie.”
Many thanks for your excellent site,
Carpe diem (for tomorrow it will be gone).

By: martin

martin — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 13:06:02 +0000

Good luck, my friend.

By: I say

I say — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 05:07:04 +0000

To Martin:

I’m doing it now and contemplating coming out to my wife. We have known each other for a long time 10+ years. Since we have been married i haven’t messed around with another guy. It’s tough cause I crave the feeling of another man inside me. I don’t know what to do? I want to start this new year off right. I feel like i can trust her not to freak out too bad. See, I think it’s kinda obvious anyway.

By: John

John — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 15:36:12 +0000

I have been surprised over many years to discover how many apparently successful marriages there are when the wife knew the man was gay even before they were married. Three such couples I know have actually had children – though in each case they decided to keep the husband’s sexuality a secret, which is no joke when the children are adult. In each case the wife seems to be perfectly happy about her husband’s independent sexual life, even arranging to leave him alone in the house on evenings when he wants to have his men friends around. All three men are senior episcopalian priests (indeed, one is a bishop), which tells its own story! As far as I can tell, the wives enjoy the security of having a husband and now find it a relief that they’re not the ones who have to cater to the sexual urges of middle aged men no longer in their physical prime. How they thought about it 30 years ago I frankly find difficult to imagine, though.

By: SMK

SMK — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 17:25:32 +0000

This is a reply to Jack Scott’s post, dated July 25, 2011. Jack, you say in outing yourself, your wife requested that you, “Be careful and not bring anything home to her in the form of an STD.” — WAIT — that doesn’t mean she’s leaving her personal safety entirely in your hands, does it? It doesn’t mean she’s forsaking measures to keep HERSELF safe in the hope that you will somehow “keep it clean,” right? And by the way, what the hell does that mean, anyway? Are you going to put a condom on every man you blow? Keep you mouth away from his rectum? Insist on “safe and dry” engagement at all times? I seriously doubt it. The point is, ANY woman that sleeps with a bisexual/gay man is risking her life. And no woman should ever put “safety” in the hands of a man when it comes to matters of the flesh.

OK. Let’s say she accepts her new life as a slave to plastic — the male/female condom kind. Remember, she’s coming in contact with DNA she’s never even met. I don’t care how well you wash or brush, you won’t kill it all. So if your wife is serious about protecting her life, she will use a female condom as long as she sleeps with you. POST-MENOPAUSAL AS WELL. Additionally, there’ll be no more french kissing – that’s out. No oral genital contact without a condom, and no other “high-risk” behavior in the marital bed that could compromise the strength of her blood cells. Is this the picture we have in mind when we marry?

The fact is, women run away from men like you because you present a liability on all fronts. In addressing the health safety angle, we’ve only skimmed the surface. But what really gets me is when men talk about disclosure as if it were an optional thing, as if ONLY YOU should have a say-so about what women are exposed to, when, where and how. “Do whatever’s right for you, dude. As long as you’re protecting your own interests.”

The fact is, EVERY person has a right to know what kind of relationship they’re in, so they can make an informed choice about where they want to be, or SHOULD be. Take away their ability to choose and you take away their personal power. But then again, maybe that’s the point…..

By: martin

martin — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 12:36:09 +0000

Angela, you are a charmer. I hope the man you fall in love with is bisexual, because he will understand your feelings and you guys will be able to explore life together.

By: Angela

Angela — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 12:12:44 +0000

Hi, i just found your blog and i need to say i am very impress, and happy wit it.

I have group in a Catholic country, wish i no need to say been sexually different is a huge problem, I since my childhood understood that i am very different, tomboy, love play with boy and girl, i remember my first play i was about 7 year old, was with my best friend, she and i hide under the bed, and i was in her top, and using my fingers in her, i for forget this for many years, also i am strongly attract to man, if i am bisexual, well i guess i am, but i no looking for have anything with any woman, i have opportunity to do it, but i never go ahead, i guess because i never meet a woman how can make me feel save, and interested to go ahead, or maybe is because i repress it, or maybe all of them, Yes i love to see nice body, and beautiful girls, and yes when i touch myself sometime i fantasy about it, and is great, to be honest i dont know if one day is going to happen, but for now i am very happy with my relationship with my men, sometime i make kind of joke, about be with him and other woman, but obviously for men can be like a dream come true, if i tell him about my desired? No, i dont feel i need to, also he is quite homophobic, wish have been change a lot about it, even in my hard i feel he is like me, or is just i want to feel he is bisexual too? I definitely clear about my sexuality and i enjoy, also i am clear if i meat the right woman ill let myself go.

Thank you for you blog, and thank you for give me the opportunity for speak about this, wish i feel happy for, taking in consideration is the first time i can speak about it. XXX