Educating for a Brighter Future

By Garrett Jones, part fourteen

As we embark on the twenty first century, it would be nice to think the ’21′ could symbolise the coming-of-age of our Western society. Ours is not the only calendar, of course. There are civilisations much older than ours in India and China and other parts of the globe which reached their maturity long, long ago. We in the West are still young puppies, still full of restless energy, often unsure what to do with it all.

It cannot be denied Europe and its nearest offspring have achieved a New Age in a far more pervasive and total sense than any earlier civilisation. Neither can it be denied this New Age is thwart with all kinds of peril never before encountered. These perils are so great they threaten to undermine the very concept of a civilisation. It is as if we have climbed a very high mountain: so long as we keep a firm foothold, we are rewarded with a breathtaking view; if we lose our footing, our doom is assured.

Our first requirement is obviously peace; squaring with our bisexuality is the biggest contribution any of us can make toward the goal of building a world which has conquered violence.

There has been an obscene hypocrisy in our Western ideal of manliness. We talk and act as if our children, including our boys, mean more to us than any mere possession. We rear them, educate them, care for them as if they have supreme value in our eyes.

But, until very recently, when a lad reached his teens, it slowly dawned on him that his society, should it get itself involved in warfare – which it regularly did – expected him to have no qualms about chucking his life away when he got to be eighteen. He either had to be, or had to pretend to be, quite happy to do this or he knew he would be branded a coward. The lucky ones might escape death or serious injury, sometimes depending on their enthusiasm for shooting the other fellow first.

The slain are the ones we are taught to regard as heroes; they are awarded posthumous medals and have their names engraved on war memorials. They are also the people who, many of them, had scarcely begun their lives. However much fuss we made of them when they were children, we allowed them to become mere numbers with a terminal tag on them, pawns to be deployed and expended by generals whose lives were too important to be risked.

It is important to say these things when one is no longer of military age and when one’s country is not fighting a war since, if neither of those things were true, such talk would be regarded as defeatist, if not downright traitorous. It is centuries of conditioning which has made this the case.

Indeed, those centuries of conditioning have got into our genes in such a way there are still millions of boys who love nothing better than to play war games. These boys still tend to associate the idea of war with excitement and adventure, giving no thought to the way in which their naive belligerence plays into the hands of cynical politicians and power-crazed rulers who will not hesitate to sacrifice them to their ambitions.

In my view, one of the best things to have happened since the end of the cold war is, in spite of appalling acts of genocide in Africa, Bosnia, Chechenya and only slightly less appalling acts of terrorism and violence in innumerable other places, there has been, at long last, a gradual but swelling tide of opinion in favour of the rule of law and the safeguarding of human rights.

Nevertheless, even if it turns out to be true most of the major armies of the world will never again embark on a war of aggression but will henceforth be peacekeepers under international command, I for one can never forget the countless billions of young lives gobbled up by a monstrous war machine over the centuries. Apart from the personal tragedy of aborted life and the chain of bereavement it triggers, there is the totally unquantifiable loss of love, of inventiveness, of genius, of sheer human decency – all of it squandered on the battlefield.

However rosy, or otherwise, the prospect for this third millennium, we shall always be the poorer for the hideous waste and trauma of all those wars. The rest of us are to some extent brutalised and desensitised by this dreadful legacy. The best reparation we can make is to vow our own energies will be dedicated to constructive, creative, life-affirming ends and never allowed to be sucked into the vortex of destruction and slaughter and mutilation which is war.

To this end, we need to look at what is taught in schools, instilled by parents and disseminated by the media. In what follows, I shall concentrate on the first of these, not because it is more important or influential than the other two but because it is easier to regulate than the other two. If we get the classroom diet right, this will eventually affect the way in which parents, journalists, TV programmers, etc., conceive their role.

It is obviously for the specialists to decide at what age a child should learn what and to determine the best method of teaching the material. Our concern here is to identify the elements which must be incorporated into any self-respecting sex education programme fit for the twenty first century.

First, a word about priorities.

There is now a National Curriculum in Britain, as in many other parts of the world. This means it is the state rather than the individual school which largely determines the content of the school curriculum. There is a danger here economic or even political considerations could unduly colour this content.

For some years, PSE [Personal and Social Education] has been included somewhere in the timetable but its prominence and content has largely depended on the school. When the National Curriculum was first being hammered out, it looked for a time as if PSE would become one of its core subjects but it was eventually decided PSE was best regarded as an “interdisciplinary dimension” rather than as a subject in its own right. Teachers of almost all other subjects were urged to explore and develop the ‘PSE’ dimension of their subject, but, since it was not itself a subject, no teacher would have been appointed solely for qualifications in this field and no pupil would recognise it as a proper ‘subject’. With pressure on schools to meet economic demands (like more emphasis on information technology or management skills) from the commercial sector, to meet assessment standards set by the government, to satisfy the entrance requirements of universities and colleges, to allay parental anxieties about moral standards, there has been little time or space to consider what it all adds up to.

It needs to be realised education is compulsory for everybody but a great deal of what is currently taught in school is only likely to be regarded as useful or intrinsically interesting by those who are more academically inclined, hence the high rates of truancy and disaffection in some sectors of the community.

PSE, on the other hand, affects every single person and should therefore be placed right at the centre of the stage. Whether a child has academic ability and ambition or not, everybody has to confront the fact he or she is a sexual being and a social being and, at the same time, a unique individual.

We no longer live in a society which seeks to pre-determine our lifestyle by requiring us to fit into a rigid traditional order. There is no longer one accepted pattern of sexual conduct or one approved model for career advancement. This being the case, there is urgent need for as much thought and deliberation as possible about the issues, dilemmas, choices and personal decisions which have to be made. If we fail to meet this need we are failing our children, however well they do in the exams.

This is obviously thorny territory because, wrongly handled, it is open to the charge of political or moral indoctrination in a way the teaching of Maths or Geography or PE is not. This thorniness is not a justification for side-stepping the issue altogether or for consigning PSE to the rather vaporous status of an “interdisciplinary dimension”. On the contrary, it is the strongest possible argument for insisting teachers who teach this subject are properly trained to teach it, Universities and Colleges offer specialised courses in this area, PSE be examined as a ‘core’ subject, and a full range of teaching aids and textbooks be made available.

In order to avoid the charge of indoctrination, it is essential material to be ‘taught’ should be incontrovertibly factual whilst any material which is coloured by subjective factors like religious affiliation or political bias be kept open-ended. There is no harm in a teacher’s declaring a personal position from time to time so long as it is always made clear there are other possible positions.

A PSE student must never feel there is one correct answer to questions raised by such issues as solo parenthood or teenage pregnancy or contraception but have full confidence the examiner will look at [a] the factual material on which an opinion is based and [b] the merits of the arguments used to advance that opinion. The examiner’s personal view is irrelevant in the context of assessment.

It is important to notice, incidentally, this is one of the great merits of PSE as a school subject. There is far too little in the school curriculum at present which really calls for a great deal of thought. Programmes on television like University Challenge and Mastermind witness to the tremendous status we attach to accurately learned information. This is certainly not to be despised, but a good memory is only one aspect of ‘mind’ and not the most important. An ability to think through a complex body of fact, to weigh up the issues involved and to come to a wise evaluation of them is, most would agree, far more important than a mere capacity to absorb and store information. The word ‘education’ derives from a Latin root meaning ‘drawing out’; it is primarily concerned with coaxing out what lies latent within a person, as opposed to merely pumping information in.

Having cleared the ground a little, I shall now try to spell out the areas of sex education which need to be covered within the context of the PSE syllabus:

[1] LANGUAGE: Why do we need to use Latin words for sexual organs and their functions when we are quite happy to use short, Anglo-Saxon words for all other parts of our body and all other functions?

Why does the male organ have to be described by the Latin word for ‘tail’ when we don’t actually have tails and by a word which is awkward to put in the plural and which gives no indication whether the organ is flaccid or erect?

This is only one example: terms like ‘masturbation’ and ‘sexual intercourse’ are even more problematic. Whoever went to his room for a ‘quiet masturbate’ or said to his lover, ‘I’d love to sexually intercourse you’?

Why should certain words be thought dirty or disreputable?

What are the pros and cons of having two sexual languages, one for polite (educational or ‘serious’) discourse and the other for ‘under the counter’ – and a growing volume of modern fiction?

Doesn’t our attitude to sexual language reflect our attitude to sex itself?

[2] THE FACTS OF LIFE: the basic facts of reproductive anatomy, of how heterosexual acts operate, of conception, pregnancy and childbirth, of health risks and precautions, of population control, etc., are fairly well covered in most curricula, but there are some elements of sex education which are still almost entirely absent from many:

Non-reproductive sex (the kind most relevant to youngsters at school)

Very little human sexual activity is directed towards reproduction, even if some of it becomes reproductive by mistake!

In the Judaeo-Christian tradition, very little thought has been given to this aspect of sex and the general attitude to it has been hostile, hence the old slogan: chastity before marriage and fidelity within marriage. Notice this slogan implies everybody who is going to have sex is going to get married. Within this tradition, there has not, until relatively recently, been a willingness to even talk about the various kinds of non-marital sex – which does not mean, of course, they were not happening. But there were often dreadful penalties [which can be spelled out] for those who were caught having the kinds of sex which violated the slogan.

In actuality, human sexuality has many functions which have nothing to do with reproduction. Its reproductive aspect remains basic in the sense that none of us would be here without it, but, in purely quantitative terms, the huge majority of sex acts are non-reproductive,

So, why do they happen?

Some have felt – and a few still do – they shouldn’t! They are so fixated on the reproductive aspect of sex they forget all its other aspects, in spite of the fact these are the aspects which loom larger in our species than in any other.

What are these other aspects?

Pleasure: because most human beings have been endowed with a sex drive far stronger than would have been necessary for reproductive purposes, neither the male’s nor the female’s drive being restricted to a brief ‘mating season’, the satisfying of sexual urges can be extremely pleasurable.

Health: by the same token, the failure to satisfy these urges, especially when they are strongly and urgently felt, can affect mental and emotional, and sometimes physical, health very adversely. Satisfying those urges sets one free to concentrate on other things for a while and can confer a great sense of well-being, although this does partly depend on the way in which the urges are satisfied.

Communication: for very many people this is far and away the most important of all sex’s functions. For couples in a relationship who have had all the children they want or who know they can never have children or for gay couples, this is the dominant reason for having sex. Even for couples who are still wanting to have children, it remains a most important factor. For couples who are not in a steady relationship but feel strongly attracted to each other sexually, this aspect may again loom very large.

What is unique about sexual communicating is its directness. Other forms of communication require a verbal or symbolic language but sex uses body language and uses it in the most intimate way possible. It usually involves whole bodies, stripping away all adornments and bringing people nakedly together, nothing hidden, nothing held back. The body language covers the whole gamut of human emotion from the most wildly assertive to the most tenderly yielding.

These are the main reasons for engaging in non-reproductive sex. We can now take a look at the various possible ways in which this can happen.

Since this book is concerned with the male perspective, it restricts what follows to the male side of the picture. In a co-ed school, equal weight should be given to the feminine view. Even in a single-sex school it is important to have real insight into how the other gender tends to think about sex since many of our sexual failures and hang-ups grow out of one gender’s very ill-informed or distorted perception of its opposite.

I shall use Anglo-Saxon terms throughout and trust this will increasingly be the classroom practice, though it may be necessary for a time to use the latinate and the Anglo-Saxon terms interchangeably. What must never be done is to say or imply only the ‘correct’ terms are fit for serious or polite purposes.

Wanking:

a boy’s sex organ, unlike a girl’s, is often not a sex organ. When it is not, it hangs limp and is scarcely noticed, simply functioning as a tap, or cock, whenever urine is passed. There are times, however, especially from the age of puberty onwards, when the cock makes its presence emphatically felt by stiffening to become a prick (i.e. an organ which can penetrate and therefore a sex organ).

[If this usage is carefully observed, it is much simpler and much less awkward than having to talk about a 'flaccid penis' and an 'erect penis'].

This stiffening may occur for no particular reason and at times when nothing can be done about it. It may happen during sleep, prompting a ‘nocturnal emission’ or wet dream, so called because, before the wetness, there has often been a disturbingly erotic dream. If this happens, it is your subconscious mind letting you know there is a physical and sexual need for release. If you have got into the habit of wanking before this happens, you may never experience a wet dream because you are averting this build-up of pressure.

It used to be thought wanking was a most undesirable and harmful practice, likely to cause anything from blindness to insanity. It is now recognised this is nonsense. Excessive wanking, like excessive eating, will not do you any good but there is no rule about what would be excessive, since each boy’s physical build and level of sex drive differs. It is best to let your body be your guide.

As well as providing an outlet for the semen, or cum, which has accumulated in your body, wanking provides a pleasurable sexual experience which, unlike a wet dream, you can control. It is also a good way of learning which forms of stimulation bring which kinds of sensation and of regulating the process so it lasts a sufficient length of time and is not over almost before it has started.

Wanking is most often done by hand or hands, but sometimes by lying down and pressing against a (suitably protected) pillow or cushion. There is scope for a good deal of variation.

Wanking also often introduces us to fantasising, another kind of non-reproductive sex which can also happen without wanking or even without becoming particularly aroused. Fantasies are often assisted by looking at erotic pictures or reading erotic stories, but they are often freely invented. Since actual people are not involved, the fantasies may sometimes go well beyond anything you would want to happen in actuality or even beyond anything which actually could happen. There is no harm in this so long as you do not start wanting to actualise your fantasies, simply making use of other people to act out your own private scenario.

If you are experiencing a lot of sexual feeling but are not wanting yet to get involved with another person, wanking is the ideal means of relieving the pressure in a way which can lead to an intensely satisfying climax with no health risk, no risk of causing a pregnancy, and no danger of getting into the kind of relationship you could later regret.

Mutual Wanking:

this is quite often something which happens right from the start because you first learned to wank with a friend, or friends. If this has been the case, wanking has, at least sometimes, been a social rather than a solitary practice, permitting you to get to know and to handle pricks other than your own. This is intensely pleasurable and can be useful as a means of sampling the range of possible pricks, since no two are exactly alike.

Some curve much more markedly than others when fully erect whilst some are much bigger than others. The glans, at its rim, may be broader or narrower than the shaft, the shaft may be thick or thin, the foreskin (if there is one; some boys are still circumcised, or cut), may be longer or shorter and may or may not retract easily; balls also come in widely varying shapes and sizes and hang differently at different times and temperatures.

Being able to compare notes like this can be very reassuring, especially if you are bothered about the way your equipment looks or functions. You may still feel you don’t compare very favourably with your friends but at least you know for certain there is no one standard model.

Another great gain of mutual wanking is it can be a wonderful way of becoming really intimate with a friend or friends you like. If you can share sex with a friend, you are likely to feel open and trusting with each other about everything else, the sex itself acting as a powerful bond between you. As your friendship matures, you may well feel you want to extend the range of the sex beyond the merely genital and go on to still more intimate forms of lovemaking like

Kissing:

it may sound strange – ‘queer’ in fact – to be kissing another fellow, but that may only be because, until relatively recently, anything associated with gay sex was strictly taboo. It all depends on how you really feel. If you have got to the point of knowing you really love another guy and are not satisfied merely to be with him, to talk intimately together, to have an occasional wank together, but want to express your feelings in a more direct and total way, then kissing is the natural next step. It has to be mutual of course; there is no joy in kissing somebody who doesn’t want to be kissed. If you are not sure, ask how the other person feels. When a feeling is mutual, a kiss can be a wonderful experience, paving the way to a new level of intimacy. Kissing also usually acts as the entry-point to full-bodied sexual involvement since it is almost invariably accompanied by hugging and stroking, which soon wants to get underneath clothes so there is flesh-to-flesh contact and, wherever possible, total nudity. This introduces a new dimension into the relationship. To be partially clothed and simply working away on each other’s pricks is one thing; to be nakedly embracing and kissing, body to body, prick to prick, lip to lip, is something quite different.

Opinions differ about the importance of these two modes of sex. Some feel it is not important at all and are quite capable of enjoying the full range of sex with virtually anybody they take a fancy to and who is similarly attracted. Some others make quite a sharp distinction and, whilst they can enjoy strictly genital sex with virtually anybody who feels likewise, they would want to reserve the full-bodied kind of intimacy for those with whom they want to establish a particularly close and lasting bond.

Kissing may begin just with lip contact but usually progresses quite quickly to involve exploring tongues. If this is mutually desired and if circumstances permit, this may lead to a full-scale sex act which goes a good deal beyond just mutual wanking and kissing.

Oral sex:

once kissing begins to move away from lips, it tends to be a different kind of experience, one person being the kisser and the other the kissed, one lying back whilst the other kisses various parts of his body. Eventually the kisser will arrive at the genitals, kissing the prick and, again if this is mutually desired, taking it into his mouth. He will then administer what is often referred to as a blow job, presumably because, once the glans has been moistened in the partner’s mouth, it can receive subtle sensations by being blown on. Sucking is a more accurate description of what more usually takes place, although even this is a bit misleading since, whilst some sucking may be involved, oral sex is often mainly a matter of the active partner taking the other guy’s prick in his mouth, moving his lips up and down the shaft and using his tongue in various ways to enhance sensation, especially around the glans.

If positions are reversed so each partner can get his mouth to the other’s prick, it is possible for oral sex to be administered and received by each simultaneously – what is commonly known as sixty-nineing because a 6 and a 9 are the reverse of each other and can be fitted together to make a whole.

Fellows are often better at giving and receiving this kind of sex than mixed couples.

If one or both comes to climax this way, it is better not to swallow the cum unless you are each absolutely certain there is no risk of transmitting an infection. The cum itself can be swallowed with impunity and some tribes in New Guinea have considered boys can only grow to maturity if they swallow it! In our kind of society, in its present state, a great deal of caution is necessary if one is to stay healthy.

If oral sex is not continued to the point of climax, or if it is not on the agenda at all, and if something more is desired than mutual wanking, the likely outcome will be some form of

Same-sex fucking:

the male has an in-built desire to thrust more or less vigorously when he has sex with a female and may well feel a similar desire when he is with a male. Oral sex permits a little gentle thrusting but something more energetic may be desired by both parties for the finale. Since one partner is now going to be more active than the other, they can either take it in turns to be in each role, or, if preferred, they can each adopt the role they find most congenial.

The most usual kind of fucking between males – and much the safest – is when the fellow on top thrusts against some part of the other’s anatomy, prick-to-prick being a hot favourite because it is the most mutual; the fellow underneath can do quite a bit of thrusting to meet the thrusts of his lover on top and, if he does not come to climax like this, can reverse roles as soon as his partner has come.

If the lovers remain standing, one can put his prick between the other’s legs, just below his balls or, if from behind, just below his bum, and the other can clasp the prick as tightly as possible by putting his legs together with one foot behind the other. By fucking in this position the thruster can give a good deal of stimulation to his partner: if from the front, by his thrusting pubic region against the other’s prick or, if from behind, by fondling or wanking his partner’s prick as he thrusts.

It is very important to notice everything we have described until now concerns what happens when a male has sex on his own or with another male and it has all involved his own or the other guy’s sex organs. If it is not solo sex, what we have been describing comes under the heading of homosexual or gay sex but is of a kind which is very widely desired and experienced and which is perfectly consistent with heterosexual, or straight sex.

There is another kind of sex which can happen between males which is very much less common and very much more problematic. This is anal sex. You sometimes hear people talk as if this is the typical kind of gay sex, but a moment’s thought will make it clear it is not and cannot possibly be. Both genders are endowed with an anus, so anal sex can happen between same-sex or between mixed couples. Furthermore, the anus is not a sex organ, although it is capable of being eroticised, which may partly be a throw-back to early childhood when, at one stage in our development, having a motion was a fascinating and pleasurable business. When one man seeks to penetrate another man anally, he is seeing him, not as another man, but as a surrogate woman and seeking a quasi-heterosexual, not a homosexual, experience. The person on the receiving end is having an experience analogous to a woman’s and one which does not necessarily involve his own sex organs at all. In other words, he is having a transsexual, not a homosexual, experience.

Note from Martin: In this section the author delivers a rather negative slant toward anal sex. I take issue with this point-of-view. It’s true that many gay and bisexual men have a dislike or outright aversion for anal sex, but many others find it a rewarding and integral part of their sexual lives. I see it as simply a matter of preference, that receiving anal sex does not necessarily emasculate a willing partner. I do respect Garrett’s opinion, which many will also find agreeable, and I also agree with him that anal sex does not have to part of a rewarding relationship and that it is inherently dangerous if practiced carelessly outside of a monogamous, loving relationship.

Boys and youths should be aware they can be seen as very attractive by older men, not because they are male, but because they still resemble girls. Their voices have not broken, they have not started to grow beards or develop heavy muscles. A young fellow may feel flattered by this sort of attention and not be too bothered if he starts being fondled, hugged, stroked, kissed and, eventually, made to feel his bum, not his genitals, are the natural focus of attention.

Some boys instinctively recoil if and when things reach this stage and extricate themselves as quickly as they can. Some just want to know where all this will lead and are curious to know what it would feel like to be penetrated by another man. Some who decide to give it a go are repelled by experience and know they will never repeat it. Some have no very strong feelings about it but know it does nothing for them sexually. A few feel they have discovered the truth about themselves and thoroughly enjoy relating to another man in this feminine way.

Three things need to be said: [1] anal sex is in a quite different category from the homosexual interest of one fellow in another and should never be confused with it; [2] anal sex involves life-threatening health hazards unless it is protected by a condom and managed with great care; [3] if a fellow begins to feel the passive role in anal sex is the only sexual experience he can want or enjoy, he is at war with his biological gender, may eventually seek a sex change, but needs to think things through very carefully and get the best advice he can.

After this detour about anal sex, which will only ever involve a small minority of males, we can return to the main track. So far, we have dealt with solo wanking, mutual wanking and more advanced same-sex lovemaking. This is the path along which most fellows progress, but there are no hard and fast rules of course. How it works out for a particular person will partly depend on circumstances.

If a boy has grown up in a mainly male environment, things are likely to have gone much in the way we have indicated. If he has spent a good deal of time with girls, sometimes in erotic play, or been approached by an older woman, or if his natural inclination is to be with girls rather than boys right from early childhood, things may happen almost in the reverse way.

However, the most common situation is for a boy to graduate from solo sex to varying degrees of sexual involvement with other boys before getting seriously interested in girls.

Two things, both important, need to be said at this point: [1] if, as a boy matures, he finds he, unlike his pals, is not getting more interested in girls than boys but, on the contrary, is becoming more interested in boys than before, this indicates a dominant sex drive which is homosexual and is likely to remain so; [2] if a maturing boy finds his sexual interest is turning exclusively towards girls, possibly towards one girl in particular, he will know his dominant drive is going to be heterosexual and is likely to remain so.

As things are, boys in category [1] will be encouraged to ‘come out’ and declare themselves to be gay, whilst boys in category [2] will be encouraged to regard any prior homosexual experience they have had as a passing phase and to feel they have now emerged as completely straight.

Be very much on your guard against these pressures.

It may be true boys in both these categories will, for a time, be wholly absorbed by their new identity, the first group by their deepened interest in other fellows and the second by their new preoccupation with girls.

It may be a few years before they begin to chafe against the rigidity of the roles they have adopted but they should not try to suppress this feeling if and when it comes. It is entirely likely they will come to a growing realisation that their dominant sex drive is not by any means the only factor, may not even be the main factor, in working out a satisfying sexual and emotional life. The most likely indicators of dissatisfaction with the status quo, taking each category in turn, are:

[1] a feeling of being shut off from intimacy with women, of feeling trapped within the gay scene, of having ‘lost out’ because of not having had sex with a woman, of being deprived of children and all that fatherhood entails;

[2] a feeling of having lost the old sense of intimacy with other fellows, of feeling trapped in the role of ‘family man’, of being somehow incomplete because of never having really loved another guy, of feeling distorted by having become too domesticated and too much taken for granted.

It is worth filing away in your memory, if and when these feelings begin to nag, there is no need to shy away from them. They are probably early indications the time is approaching when you will need to work out the kind of bisexual lifestyle which best suits you and the people closest to you.

This is becoming increasingly easy. There are, in fact, quite a number of people, both male and female, who have kept their bisexual options open right from the word go, never allowing themselves to be pushed into one exclusive camp.

Returning to the period just after puberty, this is the time when the majority of boys begin to explore the feminine world in real earnest.

Their first discovery is likely to be, in spite of our modern rejection of the old, rigid gender stereotypes and the adoption of unisex clothing and hairstyles, there are still some fundamental differences in the way the two genders operate sexually, differences which are based on biology.

[a] Every time a male ‘comes’, he parts with millions of sperms. Over a lifetime, if all his sperms fertilised an egg, he could easily populate the planet. A female, by contrast, has only a few eggs and usually parts with just one a month. This means a woman is likely to be much more cautious than a man before she embarks on sex, especially if a pregnancy may possibly ensue. In such situations, she will naturally be concerned about such factors as his suitability to be a father for her child and a long-term partner for herself.

[b] Male genitals are out in the open and, when sexually aroused, they make this very apparent. Female genitals are internal and give no clearly visible signs of sexual arousal.

[c] Because a mother bears, gives birth to and often suckles her babies, she is in a closer relation to them than a father. This gives her an emotional and erotic dimension which a man does not have in the same degree and also makes physical demands which can affect her enthusiasm for sex with her partner.

These underlying differences are not likely to be much in evidence in the early days of a relationship, although a boy will quickly sense that relating to a woman is a different experience from relating to another fellow.

However, as sexual intimacy develops, he discovers there are some striking similarities between the kinds of sex he has had with other fellows and what he is now experiencing:

a similar kind of sexual excitement develops; he has an erection and, if he fondles her breasts, her nipples become erect and, if he strokes between her legs, her clit (clitoris), also stiffens (which isn’t surprising since this is actually an embryonic cock/prick, its only function in the female being to yield erotic pleasure); just as his prick tends to emit oil when the excitement intensifies, so her cunt also tends to emit a similar oil; his manipulation of her nipples and clit and hers of his prick and balls produce very much the same kind of feelings as same-sex manipulation and in fact may result in mutual climax in much the same way as mutual same-sex wanking.

Full-scale fucking, however, is a very different experience, particularly if he has never got beyond mutual wanking with other fellows. Even if a youth has got emotionally, as well as sexually, close to another fellow, kissing, sucking, hugging, stroking, prick-to-prick or prick-to-body fucking, there is still something quite distinctively different about heterosexual fucking. This stems from the matching of organs which are purpose-built for each other and from the relational warmth and ease which this physical matching tends to generate.

Coupled with the physical matching of opposite gender, is the equally satisfying way in which mixed-sex partners complement each other mentally and emotionally. It would be rare for same-sex partners to do this to the same extent. This is certainly not a reason for disparaging same-sex relationships, which have their own distinctive value and importance, but it is a reminder some of the factors which operate in sex have much more to do with basic biology than with what happens to be a person’s dominant drive.

The aim of the kind of sex education programme we have outlined (which is, of course, only one major ingredient in a much wider course of personal and social education) is to encourage children and young adults to regard sex as a central ingredient in their lives and one which has many subtle facets. Taken together, they can help to make us more interesting, more contented and more constructively oriented persons who have the strongest possible motivation for wanting the best of all possible worlds.

 

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