August 23, 2010
August 22, 2010
Labiaplasty (What do “normal” labia look like?
Should you be concerned?
Many of us hold secrets about our bodies that we’re reluctant to share with anyone, yet they haunt us everyday, especially when we look at ourselves in the mirror. Many men think their penis is too small, or curves too much, or has an undesirable shape. For a woman, concerning her most private parts, it’s the size, shape and color of her labia.
And since this site is about body acceptance, the subject is clearly on-topic. My first post on the subject generated lots of interest, so I thought I’d revisit the subject, this time from a different slant.
Fact is, labia are like snowflakes … every one is different. As a girl goes through puberty, her genes deliver Mother Nature’s artistic creativity to various parts of her body: the curve of her hips, her breast size and shape, patterns of hair, the design and size of her labia. She has preconceived notions of what her body should look like, and she compares her body to other girls, all too often believing she comes up short. A little surfing on the Internet and the silent suffering often worsens. All those beautiful, perfect girls! Why does my labia stick out?
She wants to look like the other girls, and if she’s old enough to be sexually active, she worries about what her boyfriend thinks, or will think if she allows him to turn the light on.
Typical self-analysis:
“I think my vagina lips are not normal. My inner lips are way way bigger then my outer ones! It wasn’t like that when I was little! It really bugs me. I won’t even let my boyfriend touch me there, cause I’m afraid he will think I’m not normal or something. My boyfriend has asked me if I wanted to have sex but I turned him down because of this. Is my vagina normal?”
“My inner vaginal “lips” stick out, is this normal? I’m insecure about it, and embarrassed to let my boyfriend see.”
“I’ve read a lot of your articles on labia but I still can’t seem to get the thought of my own out of my head. Mine are big and noticeable which I know are normal but still bother me. I think it looks gross in certain underwear and I am very insecure about it. At times I even try to tuck them in so you can see them. I am 16 and started noticing this about a year or so ago. I am not sure if I was always like this or not. I’ve been with this guy for about 8 months and hes been down there with his hands and what not but I am a virgin and I was very skeptical about even letting him preform oral sex on me because of the reaction that he might have thinking it’s disgusting. About a week ago at his house things started to get serious but kept my hands covering my vagina because I was nervous. He was confused at why I would do that and told me he really want to give me oral sex and I really wanted to. I eventually let him and he did not say one thing bout my larger labia. I was very surprised and pleased but couldn’t shake the idea of what he really thought. I still consider surgery when I turn 18 for myself. I just cannot get the thought that I look gross out of my mind. I really need help on what I should do.”
“Being sexually active, I have become more conscious about my vagina. I am very concerned about the physical appearance of my vagina. It’s really embarrassing. There’s extra skin on the left side of my vagina that hangs down, it’s kind of wrinkly, and it’s stretchy. It did not appear out of nowhere, I’ve had it for a long time. Is it normal? or is something bad that I should have removed? Please help me. I’m very confused and embarrassed.”
A Short Reader Review
From Lucy
“I have read many books about or on this topic [bisexual men/husbands] but not one that makes you feel the pain of the characters, their hopes, their dreams, their raw passion for life and the people they love. Thank you for writing this.:)”
That’s what it’s all about for writers . . .
Gay, Straight or In Between?
You secretly enjoy looking at men, or maybe not so secretly. Certain men, that is. Men you find attractive, who define your idea of masculinity, sensuality and good company. You like the way they’re formed, the way they think, the way they play and the way hair grows on their bodies. You snatch glimpses in the gym shower, gaze at the countless photos on the Internet, or wish you could somehow get to know the guy three doors down the street. You think about how they smell, what it’s like to touch them, or what’s it like to do more. You may be married or have a girlfriend, or maybe you’re trying to decide which way to go–but you know you’re not entirely gay.
So where do you fit in?
Perhaps you’ve looked at the Kinsey Scale and have identified yourself with a number between 0 and 6. Want a different perspective, one from a different approach? You might be interested in the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
Here is what the site has to say:
Are you straight, gay, or bisexual? We tend to think of sexual orientation in rather black-and-white terms. In fact, though, few people are exclusively straight or exclusively gay, and there are a lot of shades in between.
The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid was introduced by a sex researcher and psychiatrist named Dr. Fritz Klein in 1978. Based on the Kinsey Scale, it measures a person’s sexual orientation on a continuum between “straight” and “gay”, giving a more nuanced assessment of sexual identity.
After you answer the questions, you’ll get a chart that looks like this:
August 19, 2010
August 18, 2010
Thinking About a Massage?
From RealJock.com
The art of massage … By David Toussaint
We’ve all been there. You get a free massage session as a gift. Excited to see what it’s all about, you get to the spa room and take off all your clothes to the smell of incense and the tinkling melody of what sounds like the MTV-Unplugged version of “Tubular Bells.” Finally, a tiny woman enters the room, asks if you’re relaxed, and voila! You’re done, feeling like a greasy, smelly mess and knowing the therapist could have jumped up and down on you without so much as causing a tickle in your ribs. It’s at this point you realize that massage is just another expensive guilty pleasure, like seaweed body wraps or champagne enemas.
(Also see Tantric Massage)
Right? Not exactly. While spa massages have boomed over the years, and with them the inevitable onslaught of bigger and better treatments all guaranteed to purge icky toxins from you body, basic massages are an important, if not vital, part of your exercise program. Massages not only prevent injuries, they also help your body to recover from physical mismanagement.
“Massage puts you in touch with specific areas of stress that you might not even be aware of,” says Christopher Kornreish, a massage therapist at New York Sports Clubs in Manhattan. “For instance, a client may complain of sore biceps, but not realize it’s his core body muscles that are causing the pain. By manipulating the correct muscle tissue, you reduce the risk of injury as well as the recovery time in between injuries.”
The same technique applies to injury recovery. “While a runner could have terrible shin splints,” says Kornreish, “to properly heal the area, you have to free all the muscles. Because of his ankle, his left leg might be screwed up, which makes his back tense, all resulting in the client walking like Quasimodo.”
Put another way, your body is like an automobile. Whether it’s a Humvee or a Mini-Cooper, the parts are all connected and the basic structure is the same. And like a top-quality car, tune-ups are a necessary part of maintenance. Anyone who works out on a regular basis should get a massage every couple of weeks. If you’re in training for, say, a marathon, make it once a week.
Don’t Just Hop on Any Table
August 16, 2010
Are Bi-married Men Normal?
From the poll taken at The Bi-Married Mafia
The results of our online Poll for bi/gay men married to a woman.
In my initial posting we asked “whether you were normal?” Whether there actually is some measureable semblance of “normal” is to be debated. Whether these responses give us an idea of the normal gay/bi married men is also up for debate. Still we have just over 1280 bi/gay married men respond to the poll. Below are their responses and a few conclusions drawn from those responses.
So first WHO are the men that responded to our survey? They are men that are married to women (or common-law). 68% of our respondents were American another 24% are Canadian with the remaining 9% coming from Europe and Australia.
90% of our respondents are currently married (common-law 84% married, 6% common-law) with 8% now divorced and 2% widowed. The average age of our respondents was 45 years old with 25% being between 20 and 39 years of age and 35% in their 40’s and the remaining 39% being above 50.
83% grew up in a conservative or traditional home and 50% of them grew up under an active religious tradition. Now that they are married only 24% have remained religious with the majority living in liberal homes.
ORIENTATION
We asked, “What do you consider your orientation to be at this time?” 77% of our respondents self identified as “bisexual.”
Straight 1%
Straight but Curious 5%
Bisexual but inclined Heterosexual 16%
Bisexual (Equal Desires for Men & Women) 21%
Bisexual but incline Homosexual 40%
Homosexual but in Hiding 10%
Homosexual 7%
Of these respondents less than half (47%), had actually engaged in same sex activity with another male BEFORE they married. A further 35% were aware of their interest or were curious about sex with another male. It would seem that the majority of men went into their marriages realizing that there was an interest in same sex activity within their personhood (with 82% coming to a realization of their same sex orientation before marriage.)
So now married… what do wives really know of their husband’s orientation? Surprisingly, of the men surveyed, 31% of the wives actually know that their husbands are bi/gay. Not surprisingly 37% of the men conclude that their wives have absolutely no idea of their husband’s orientation. The remaining belongs to spouses that “may wonder” or “perhaps know.”
We asked if these men were at peace with their orientation.
19% answered negatively
19% answered “sometimes”
61% answered positively
We asked does a wife have a right to know about a husband’s orientation? 35% of respondents answered with an adamant “yes”, 13% answered an adamant “no.” The majority (52%) simply did “not know how to answer that question.”
SEXUAL PRACTICES AND ACTIVITIES
I have learned when discussing sexual activity with men, one has to clearly define WHAT sex is. It seems that men have incredibly different understandings of what denotes sex. Some do not consider mutual masturbation as sex; some do not consider oral sex as “sex.” Some conclude that it is only sex when there is anal sex happening. For the purposes of this survey we have chosen to label ALL of the above as “sexual activity.” In other words, “sex” is when one respondent actually touched the genitals of another male.
Of the actual sex practices of gay/bi married men… a full 78% of men HAVE stepped out on their marriages and participated in sex with another male.
Let the Long Journey Begin
Youth. The first stages of adulthood. Do you remember those precious few years? I do, vaguely … I remember it was perplexing, intimidating and wonderful. Here are a few images of young men enjoying their age and their bodies.
