July 2, 2010
It’s Complicated, Really Complicated
I came received this from a feed linked to an Internet community for gay and bisexual husbands, a collection of men of all ages and circumstances scattered around the United States. It’s a series of questions many gay and bisexual married men live with everyday. Despite your personal convictions, we have to make way for those who grapple in different ways with the genes they were born with .
1. Do we embrace our love of men with acceptance, even joy, instead of feeling bad about it?
2. Do we embrace the love of our wives as central, or is that lessened or weakened by our attractions to men (even if we do not act on those, but certainly if we do)
3. Do we tell our wives this is a part of who we are, or do we find we need to keep that part of ourselves hidden but diminish or eliminate the guilt we have in our pursuits
4. Can we find men for our particular needs of male sexual pleasure without that pursuit itself detracting from our other love and life responsibilities, or does that pursuit itself have a negative impact on us (obsessive use of pornography or search time, lack of positive results and so frustration, stealing time from family or work or friends in searching or acting out sex with men)
5. What is the honest sexual continuum we feel? Lots or little desire for our wives even if we love them? Lots or little need for male sexual action even if we say we love our wives primarily.
6. Are we really gay and if so what does that mean for the marriage? Can we stay in it because of our non-sexual love and history with her is so important for us, or does it cal into question the entire marriage?
7. If we do tell her, what kind of accommodation do we imagine or want? Acceptance but no on-going talk about it (don’t ask, don’t tell), sharing of some particulars in stories, participation by her in some of our sexual forays, permission and encouragement for her to have her own outside sexual liaisons? a wide open marriage that accepts one or both of you may find sexually and emotionally compelling others for stretches of time, yet you are able to stay together?
8. Who are we drawn to and can we attract them and what is that all about? Younger men, men our age, older men? Gay men? Dads? Short hot encounters or longer more casual friends with benefits? And then there is that whole issue of finding what positions and roles you want to be in and having the gumption to go after it.
9. How does sex with men fit into our other life issues? (a bigger issue the older we get) Retirement? Having good men friends of a non-sexual kind? Pursuit of professional or community or personal interests? Having fun? Working on our “spiritual” side or defining the larger meaning of our lives?
10. How widely do we want our real self to be known? Wife? Whole family? Circle of friends? Community?
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July 1, 2010
Creases and Shadows
A photograph comes along from time to time that stirs the imagination, an image apart from the untold thousands found in magazines, in museums and on the Internet. Do you see a picture like that in this set?
June 29, 2010
June 28, 2010
June 27, 2010
Sheela Na Gig’s Sensuous Photography
For Sheela Na Gig, a nude or semi-nude pose is just that, sensuous, unreserved, the essence feminine beauty defined by a photographer’s eye and the lens of a camera. See more of her work here.
June 24, 2010
June 23, 2010
The Setting for “A Song in the Park”
Almost as if it’s one of the characters, Big Bend country in far west Texas is the setting in my novel “A Song in the Park“. I’ve been there many times. To me it’s one of the most romantic places on earth with its high-country fresh dry air, crystalline skies and captivating sunsets. They say it’s where the desert and mountains meet the sky, not to mention the mysterious Rio Grande that flows through desert grasslands, breathtaking canyons and creates the border between Mexico and the United States.
This (above) is Farm to Market Road 170, west of the park, which passes through some of the country’s most incredible scenery as it winds it’s way to Presidio. Here you can see a glimpse of the Rio Grande to the left of the road.
It’s in country like this Michael Anderson, a California surgeon, and Justin Brooks, a park ranger, meet, form a friendship and ultimately build their future together.
This is the horizon (above), the view from behind Justin’s remote ranch house, where he and Michael spend many of their evenings sipping coffee and contemplating the small gifts in life.
This location (above) is similar to that just south of Justin’s house. The first day they spend skinny-dipping here is the day they realize there may be more than simple friendship between them.
A view like this (above) is typical of many seen when crossing through the park’s southern terrain on a rutted, sixty mile long goat-path called the River Road. It’s this road Justin patrols when he’s wearing his park service uniform.
Stanta Elena Canyon, (above) 2000 foot cliffs cut from the limestone over eons by the Rio Grande. Can you imagine what’s it like to canoe through here?
One of many cliffs along the Rio Grande (above).
