Two Wives and Two Husbands

Married shortly after college, the two couples had been best friends for ten years. They had given birth to their children and had established their careers. The wives shopped together and took theirs kids to soccer games. The husbands worked out together three times a week at the gym. All four of them vacationed together every summer. All these years later, their marriages could be described with a yawn.

Can the monotony of her daily routines bring a wife to wits end? Can a husband’s desperation for adventure take him over the edge? As they walked into the rented beach house on the Florida coast to begin their summer vacation, it was Brad that had come to a breaking point. Overwhelmed by a sudden impulse, he decided the four of them needed a little excitement, to do something daring and different, to risk his marriage by doing something so shocking that his wife and two best friends would be forced to deal with their secrets.

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This story is available at Amazon for $1.49

 

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A Man on an Adventure

We spend our lives working at careers that will seemingly never end, yet they do, which is when some of us set off on new adventures with a new frame of mind. Ric’s career in education ended in 2007, which is when he embarked on figure and portrait modeling. Qite ambitious of a 69 year old man you might say. Never-mind … Ric has both the body and the wherewithal to produce some very eye-pleasing results.

Here Ric is modeling socks, with a rather unusual twist. Originally from Ohio, now residing on the east coast, he is also introducing a novel idea for a tie rack. Along with his handsome good looks and sense of adventure, virility is another of Ric’s masculine characteristics.

During a few of his original shoots, the photographers played with him, something he found enjoyable, and life-changing. During his first same-sex encounter, the photographer put pressure on his perineum, something that was new to him, which produced fantastic sensations. With his new found sexuality, Ric joined a few male social sites, where he got some attention. This lead to meeting a guy he has grown fond of and now they are in an exclusive friendship to the extent Ric that has abandoned the social sites.

Happily married for 45 years, Ric must live a discreet/secret m2m life, as he doesn’t want to upset his marriage. He doesn’t see his same-sex activity as a breach of vows … he would never have an affair with another woman. Ric sees his m2m activity as an extension of puberty experimentation, crazy and irrational as that might seem to others. Men are just wired differently than women. Moreover, he believes sharing his love for his wife and his friend parallels sharing one’s love equally between two children.

Ric is motivated to pose for nude and erotic pictures because he says he is an exhibitionist and a bit narcissistic. He shares his photographs with modeling applications, friends and selected web sites, such as Enlightened Male. Ric believes all bodies are beautiful; though some more than others. He has a taste for slim, fit males. Like most of us, he is tempted to look at other men in places like a locker room. He sees himself as combination of spiritual beliefs, both religious and agnostic.

When Ric is horny, he likes to look at various kinds of porn and practice using his aneros* … he has yet to have a hands-free orgasm using it. He also likes doing an enema then using a motorized dildo.

*If you are in the dark on what an aneros is, this is what one looks like, and of course they are Continue reading

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The Impact of a Bisexual Husband on a Marriage.

The bisexual husband: his perspective is different from his wife’s.

The men in my novel Five Married Men not only recognize their bisexuality, they give in to their urges and act on them. Since their wives have typical perspectives on this issue, the men set up secret lives camouflaged by a system of lies. Though their wives would see their secret rendezvous as betrayal and infidelity, the men fully believe their physical intimacy with each other is apart from their marriages, and is no reflection on how much they cherish the women they married. But they know their wives would never it this way.

What begins as largely a physical attraction, soon becomes a deep emotional bond, something that fills a void in their lives, which is in addition to the love they have for their women. All of the factors in Five Married Men are not necessarily typical of married bisexual men. They are, however, things married bisexual men think about, even fantasize about, just not things they would necessarily do. In a strong loving marriage built on a foundation of time and honesty, most bisexual married men would not consider lying to their wives, let alone get involved with another man. Still, for him, something will always be missing. That’s the nature of this beast.

Therein lies a lifetime of conflicts, conflicts that often intensify as a man grows older. As the years go by, countless notions and scenarios pass through a bisexual man’s mind. While many bisexual married men can and will live out their lives scarcely impacted by their secret, more than a few find themselves wrestling with a relentless phantom. Many will contemplate talking to their wives about their bisexuality. But how would she take it? What would it do to our marriage? They think about how nice it would be to have a like-minded friend, someone to talk to, maybe even touch and participate with in some mutual exploring. They reason it all out: it wouldn’t hurt anything if she didn’t find out. It wouldn’t make me love her any less. They believe to act on their urges on some level would address their needs without harming anyone, certainly not their marriages.

But often the wife will inevitably find out. Perhaps she senses a change in his behavior, or notices something on his computer, or perhaps he will decide to confess. It’s like a bomb going off on her emotions. Very little could possibly impact her less. She is stunned, angry and confused all at the same time. She can’t believe her husband is interested in men … he’s not like that. She is shocked that he lied to her. Why didn’t he tell me before now, before we got married? She worries her marriage has been destroyed, that he will leave her for a man.

The confessions of a bisexual husband.The problem here is the two utterly different perspectives. Whereas the wife has had a bombshell go off in her life, it’s something the husband has lived with and pondered many years. To her it’s a total disaster; to him everything is essentially normal. This is where the husband has the responsibility put his perspective on hold and be especially mindful of his wife’s emotions. Understand and share her hurt. Giver her time. Let her express her emotions without arguing with them. Just listen while she vents. Find opportunities to reassure her. Let her know his love for her hasn’t changed, that he no longer wants to hide who he is from her, that he wants her to love him despite his bisexuality.

So why didn’t he tell you before you married him? First of, he should have told you. But he didn’t. Maybe because he was afraid you wouldn’t understand, that you wouldn’t marry him. Or he might have honestly believed his love for you would neutralize his bisexuality. It might have been because he was young and still ashamed of the same-sex urges he felt due of his upbringing. Also, being young and in love, a giddy time in anyone’s life, he was probably too caught up in how he felt about you to even be thinking about those errant fantasies about men. Whatever his reason, a new hand has been dealt and the wife now has to not only deal with it, but also figured out which direction her marriage should go.

Days or weeks after the initial shock wears off, the time eventually comes to sensibly talk it out, to reestablish the marriage under new circumstances and mutually agree to the parameters. Those parameters will vary radically from one couple to the next. Most wives will not want to share their husband with anyone, period. Most women, though they are able to accept their husbands bisexuality, they will not be able to accept his acting on it, no matter what. She will want a commitment from him to agree to this, which gives the husband virtually no choice … he had made this pledge in his wedding vows. Then she will likely want to put the matter out of her mind and back into the closet. I believe, if the marriage is built on a solid, loving foundation, most men will love their wives enough to play by the rules. Even then, in time, a woman’s point-of-view and attitude may evolve.

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YOU ARE A WOMAN MARRIED TO A BISEXUAL MAN. (check 0ne)

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Some women will see things differently. Some women will graciously accept their husband’s bisexuality, see it in a positive light, want to know more, have many questions. Again, there are as many variations of acceptance as there are women. Acceptance may end with simple curiosity, coupled with his assurance to remain faithful. But as you can see by the pol (above) results, for some women acceptance goes further than curiosity. Continue reading

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Lady Dating a Bisexual Man

My boyfriend is bi, he was completely up front about his sexuality from the beginning which I found comforting and attractive. He is very sweet, educated and I have really fallen for him. At one time I was a bi curious female and had few experiences, mostly being taken care of by a gay female which was amazing. I’m attracted to the female body and still curious but men are my game. I’m ok with him having sex with other men and we always speak openly, never any secrets. He also likes to watch me with other men and have oral sex with me when I’m done.

We have so much openness and honesty about our sexual relationships and have rules and boundaries which parallel traditional relationships, with a twist of course. We are both in our 40s and have had long term sane relationships. I’m afraid to share my open relationship with friends and family, it’s like our bond and secret?? Any advice you can give would be appreciated also any questions I should be asking myself before moving forward? This is all new to me and I question will our relationship be forever given our current challenges. Is it wrong for me to hide this from my personal close friends? I’m walking in with my eyes open and looking for feedback. I’ve read everything written here and respected all your replays.

My reply:

It Sounds like you guys are off to a great start. You have set off in a relationship a great many would envy. You also see the distinction between sex as a mutual bond between two people and casual recreational sex that is experienced, shared and enjoyed by a couple, something apart from what is known as swinging. Though these circumstances certainly aren’t for everyone, for those who are psychologically structured for such an open-minded perspective, and know the value and importance of establishing agreed upon ground rules, I can’t see where anyone has a right to criticize it.

The first part of your question: I don’t see why you should be concerned about telling your friends or family the intimate details concerning you and your boyfriend’s sex life. For one thing it’s none of their business, and I doubt many people talk to others about their private sex lives. If you have a friend or a sister that is really close, that may be different–it depends on the nature of your friendship with them. Use your own discretion. If there is a risk of being judged, I would stay quiet about it.

As for continuing down this new path: Like all new relationships, the first order of business is to enjoy it, along with using the time spent together getting to know each other. It’s a matter of listening to your intuition as things progress, which many of us fail to do. A psychologist once told me that during the dating/romantic phase of a new relationship, you ignore that can of beer in his hand; then after marrying him you realize he’s an alcoholic. Just keep your eyes and ears open, and take the time you need before making a commitment. But along the way, just don’t forget to savor every moment. What you have described looks very positive–with any luck it will lead to a lifetime of happiness for you and your guy.

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The Female Perspective of Bisexual Men

Bisexual men. There are far more of them than most people think. Why don’t we know more about them and who they are? Simple: most guys are very good about hiding it. Either the guy doesn’t want to admit it, even to himself, or he knows it’s a very good secret to keep. He assumes women would be put off, or think he’s not masculine. Most likely because he prefers women and believes his bisexuality is inconsequential, therefore it’s not necessary to divulge that side of him. If he’s found the girl he wants to marry, he doesn’t tell her because he fears what she’ll think, or fears she won’t marry him, or perhaps he doesn’t yet realize how formidable his bisexuality can be.

I strongly believe men should tell their prospective wives about their sexuality before the marriage. Women have a right to know. Putting the shoe on the other foot, not telling her is like finding out she is a compulsive gambler after you marry her. By telling her, the two of you can establish the parameters she will be able to accept. Your marriage will begin on a foundation of honesty. You will avoid much more difficult challenges of her finding out after the marriage.

The following pols are designed to show women’s perspectives on male bisexuality.

What is your position on male bisexuality?

Assume you find yourself in the following scenario:

You’ve met a guy you are attracted to, and he’s obviously attracted to you. After a few dates you both realize you love spending time together. Not only do you think he’s beautiful, you’ve come to know him quite well. You’ve slept with him. You admire his intelligence and sense of ambition. You love his sensitivity, his ability to listen, his willingness to express his emotions, and his understanding of women. Then, just as your relationship starts showing signs of becoming serious, he tells you he is bisexual.

The guy you're dating and love being with tells you he is bisexual.

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The guy you are falling in love with tells you he has a workout buddy that he's intimate with, and wants to keep when he gets married.

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A Bisexual Woman’s Point of View

Will I find a man who matches my tastes and desires?

Martin, I read your blog every day, but don’t generally comment, though I don’t know why that is. I find the discussions compelling, the photos are pure art, and the perspective and safety of being honest on your blog is something rare on the internet. I’m drawn to it. But there’s something I don’t think I’ve seen addressed here: the flip side of finding a man accepting of a bisexual woman.

I’m a bisexual woman, recently divorced, and while my ex and I had our share of problems that also contributed to the demise of our marriage, my coming out to him–with no intention of exploring relations of any kind with a woman outside our marriage since it was clear he wouldn’t have accepted such an arrangement–was the beginning of the end for us. My ex is a good man, but he wasn’t able to reconcile that my interest in the female form goes beyond admiring beauty and appreciating the human body. I was floored, because I’d been under the impression that most heterosexual men fantasized about two women together. In hindsight, I realize how narrow-minded and generalizing that perspective was, but at the time, it hurt to be rejected for something I felt he needed to know, even if I wouldn’t act on out of respect and love for him.

Had he been more receptive, I might have considered finding a woman with whom to explore this side of myself. I met my husband when I was 18, at the beginning of my college years, and had never experienced the softness of a female form against my skin, had never experimented before making what I thought was a life-long commitment to him. After 15 years together, I find the prospect of dating again daunting to say the least, and more so to attempt dating a woman. Truthfully, aside from one short-lived and interrupted encounter immediately after our separation, I’ve not actually had the pleasure of being with a woman sexually. I wouldn’t even begin to know how to approach a woman with more than friendship in mind.

I find my preference is for men, with perhaps the occasional foray between the sheets with a woman, but if I were to really connect with a woman, I would be receptive to pursuing a same-sex relationship, as well. However, if my next partner is male, I don’t want to end up in a similar position, with someone who won’t understand when we’re both checking out the same girl’s ass. Intellectually, I know finding someone who is okay with my attraction to both sexes starts with my upfront honesty, and as scary as that is, I owe it not only to whomever I date, but also to myself. I won’t waste any more time on someone who can’t accept me for me. If I were to write down the qualities I want for my next partner, a fantasy wish-list if you will, it would likely describe a bisexual man with an understanding that he would be my partner in all things, and I would want him as equally supportive of my exploring sex with a woman as I would be for him gettin’ busy with a man, but for the sake of my peace of mind, I’d want to do that exploring together. Threesomes, in other words, in any combination. I like sex. A LOT. I’m somewhat adventurous in my tastes, but Continue reading

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A Wife’s Perspective On Her Bisexual Husband

As told by her husband’s intimate friend:

I am exclusively gay. And I will not insult your intelligence by saying that I am monogamous. I’m not. BUT every man with whom I have relations knows I am not monogamous and that I am not looking. Why am I writing? I had a phenomenal experience a few days ago which blew me away – in every sense. I have a regular sex partner who called and invited me to lunch – he said he had a surprise for me. He is divorced, has children, and has lived with his present girl friend for almost 10 years. She was with him at lunch! Holy Hell! What was I to do? She was there, at her request, to tell me that she’d learned of her boyfriend’s bisexuality and she wanted to thank me – yes, THANK ME – for making him a more thoughtful and satisfying partner! With me he is a total bottom. We have oral sex, then I am the top, or the active member of the sex. She says that his being my bottom has taught him how to satisfy and to please her more than he ever has before. So gentlemen, please, please keep reading the other comments, observations and informative literature in this website. If you are bisexual man please know that there are ways to make it acceptable or at least tolerable to your wife. If you are a woman, please know that accommodation can be made without threatening your marriage. HE DOES LOVE YOU – but in order to be at peace himself he has needs which have to be met in ways which are outside the box. Love him, be tolerant, and you can build a stronger marriage!

This remarkable perspective is beyond understanding for most women that find out their husband’s are bisexual and have a special friend. Most women would be devastated and feel betrayed. And that’s natural, especially since she was deprived being told about her husband’s bisexuality before she married him.

However, in time and with effort it’s a perspective that can be achieved, thereby not only saving a happy marriage but strengthening it in a compelling way. A wife can get beyond the pain and sense of betrayal, realize her husband is the same man she has always known, and come to understand that for him what he’s doing is natural, that it does not reflect on his marriage or detract from how much he cherishes her. In fact, understanding her husband, allowing him to be who he is and explore his bisexuality, will instead increase his love, and like the husband in the article, he will show it in many ways.

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Renata

If you were to pack up your fishing gear and head to the lake, then find this beauty standing on the shore as if she had been waiting for you, you would probably think you have died and gone to Heaven. The last thing you would be thinking about is your tackle box.

Meet Renata. She’s from Brazil, now living across the Pacific Ocean in Australia, far from everyone she knows and who knows her. In Australia Renata can be who she is, a sensitive, sensual, passionate female without the whispers and gossip she might have suffered at home. Why? Because Renata is not really a girl. He is a male, a male with a feminine body and a feminine side to his persona.

No, he’s not a girl born in a guy’s body. He’s a cross-dresser in what he calls the traditional sense. This is part of who he is. In his regular life, he likes girls, though his feminine side has a yearning to know a man, to give to a man, to submit, to know what it feels like to be held by a man.

You might say Renata is bisexual, that it is simply a matter of meeting just the right guy that would give his eye-teeth to share in Renata’s fantasies. If this was a vagina between those beautifully shaped, smooth legs instead of that delightful penis, you would never guess they could have ever belonged to a man

Quite naturally, Renata is a bit confused with his emotions. He thinks it must be wonderful to be a girl. Far away from home, as he explores these hidden places within himself, living life in part as a woman, Renata has come to realize the woman has taken control. He is facing the question whether or not he was meant to be a female, which of course suggests his cross-dressing is merely a symptom of his true self.

Cross-dressing does not mean the same as transgender. Many cross-dressers are average guys, your very handsome and masculine banker perhaps. Transgenders are women that were born in a man’s body, aching to correct the situation by any reasonable means. For cross-dressers, it is often nothing more than a simple fantasy acted out by a man that has recognized and wants to explore his feminine side, very possibly or even probably not interested in a sexual union with another man at all. Just as often as not, the male cross-dresser desires a woman that wants to participate in his fetish.

Renata, on the other hand, is on another level. He’s not sure if he would rather be a she, or if he should be a she, though he is clearly aware of an ache inside to experience sex as a Continue reading

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Am I Bi?

A question from Shay:

I’m a 16 year old guy and often fantasize about other guys when I masturbate. I sometimes also watch gay porn, but in real life I prefer girls.  Could this mean I’m bisexual?

My reply:

Shay, it is my opinion a very high percentage of men are bisexual to some degree or another, anywhere between a mild curiosity about men to guys that have powerful fantasies about intimacy with other men. Most of us fall somewhere in between though many guys would never admit it or aren’t really aware of it until they get older. Most men, however, retain their desire for women, and one day want to marry a woman and begin a traditional family. I also believe our sexuality is genetic and that a man’s desire for some form of intimacy with another man is natural and normal, despite misguided religious perspectives and negative social connotations.

At your age it is difficult to say exactly where you’ll ultimately fit in on the sliding scale of bisexuality, but it’s a safe bet it will be somewhere close to the middle, with a definite lean toward women. Another thing, if you are having certain feelings now, they may recede later on when you get married and start your own family, and when you get busy with a new career, but you’ll always have certain feelings for male intimacy. Who you are never goes away. So yes, I believe you are bisexual.

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The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater … Calvin’s Thoughts

My thoughts on your book The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feedlwater:

“The Strange Haunting of Johnny Feelwater”. Hmmm, how do I describe how this book entered my being and affected me? I sincerely believe that any given book may affect you in ways which the author never expected or intended. For me, “Rebecca” by Daphne duMaurier and “Chesapeake” by James Michener did it. And now Johnny Feelwater has joined the pantheon of life altering characters for me.

When I stopped being an anal retentive, married idiot in the early 1990’s the so called mens movement was alive and well. I devoured all the Joseph Campbell and Robert Blye I could get my hands on. Then I realized that all their allegories and metaphors didn’t mean jack shit to me. I’m way too literal for their style of writing.

Then this man named Martin Brant started writing. And I started reading his work. As a gay man I immediately started questioning whether Brant is straight, bi or gay. My gaydar just wasn’t kicking in on this, it was buzzing but not strongly. I was well into the second book when I decided the answer to that question was immaterial since he covers all three orientations with magnificent and intelligent insight. Who cares how he gets his rocks off? My concern is that he continues writing because he has a great deal to say which transcends anything Campbell or Blye wrote for me. And he gracefully bridges the chasm between being intelligent and being intellectual without talking down to his audience.

Johnny Feelwater. Who is this man? He is an amazingly grounded man who – gee, what a surprise – starts questioning himself as a man, as a husband, as a lover, and as an African American. I make no pretense to identifying with the last fact, to do so would be the height of hubris as I am lily white and have no reference points on that issue. However, I can relate in all other ways. And the way he unravels what is happening in his life, and the way in which he interprets and adapts to what is happening – well, wow, does it resonate! I mean, really. Here is a man who runs away from his problems by giving his wife some cock-and-bull story about seeing someone in the depths of Africa. Does he act like your typical shallow male, letting his little head think for the big one? Does he attempt to believe the crap he just sold to Marilee? No, he takes the new round of adversities, compares them to his problems back in Georgia, USA, and, whoa, HE LEARNS something about life and about himself which alters his life irrevocably.

And he does it without allegory, without metaphor! And he gave me an understanding of men, of myself, and of my world which amounted to a series of “ah ha” moments.

Like I said, he is a grounded man. He does things somewhat pragmatically. He thinks things through without romanticizing the issues. He confronts his demons as best he can and accepts that in some respects he never will be able to do that.

Martin Brant: thank you! And if you ever suspect you’ve lost your Muse, let me know. I will hunt him/her/it down, hog tie it, bitch slap it, and return it to you.

 $2.99 on Kindle and Nook

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