Tag Archives: Body Acceptance

Breast Feeding … The Time Magazine Cover

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We’ve all seen the cover of Time magazine this week, so I’ll show you a different picture. Breast feeding … I don’t get what all the controversy is about. It’s about the most natural, and one of the most beautiful visuals I can imagine. They say women shouldn’t flaunt it. What’s that all about? What’s flaunting it? Why have we sexualized female breasts to the extent they are considered indecent, even at a beach? Despite all the positive and beneficial qualities of most religions, this is a perfect example of one of the negative impacts religion has on society.

There were complaints the child was too old to breast feed. Many logical, thoughtful people see it this way. On the other hand, many psychologists believe there is nothing wrong with it, that breast feeding until age three or four nurtures the child emotionally, causing him to grow into adulthood better adjusted, more independent and better prepared the face the challenges of life. I’ll buy that.

Don’t forget to eat more Oreo Cookies.

Unintended Consequences

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The following is an email I received recently. At first it stunned me. Much of what Enlightened Male stands for was called into question, basically by the nature of the pols posted here and by casting focus on the commonly perceived flaws of the human body; for example, men grappling with their penis size. A significant percentage of men suffer too many occasions of inadequacy because they are convinced their penises are too small, yet I am hosting pols that reflect a narrow majority of men and women feel size matters. And it’s true, I do feature quite a few articles about body acceptance concerning issues like penis size, labia size, etc. Do these pols and articles, by their mere appearance on this site, simply focus attention on things guys and gals try not to think about, and negate the body acceptance mindset that I’m trying to promote?

Here is the email:

Dear Martin:

I am a female author writing about midlife men who are attracted to each other. For this project I have read widely – including one of your novels – and have visited your sites and read a number of your pieces. There is much there that has confirmed me in my endeavor.

I have to wonder why the The Enlightened Male OFTEN encourages a focus on things such as member size and fur thickness/distribution.

Supposedly your cause, if you will, is supporting men who are attracted to loving both men and women. Your novels and stories have this focus. You hope men will be self-accepting, all along the spectrum, but you also want to help them (or so I thought) to focus on what’s truly important in relationships: Love.

You applaud women who accept and love their special men. You gush how you wish there were more such women in the world. Do you really think the sort of woman who loves her man “no matter what” with respect to his sexuality is going to reject him for the “wrong” amount of body hair? I am confused by your frequent polls majoring on such minor B.S., Martin, when what matters is something far less tangible than preoccupations from which I would hope you would be aiming to liberate your site’s readers. There are plenty of “UN-Enlightened” Male websites out there, encouraging the frequent consideration of body hair thickness and penis size: Why run with that pack?

The characters in your novels are searingly relieved and thrilled to find brothers, kindred souls, with similar inner/lifelong needs. Are they then going to take out the ruler and measure conformity to fetishistic preferences, after lifetimes of closetedness? What a Disconnect! I think you’re opposing your authorial agenda here.

Most bisexual men, as most people, hunger deeply for unconditional acceptance. I would Continue reading →

Self-Conscious About My Small Size

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This is a comment written yesterday by a man named Jay. Since many of us are walking the same path, I thought I would call it to your attention . . .

Since puberty I have been more or less self-conscious about the small size of my penis. This has not however kept me from enjoying many happy sexual moments with men whose penises have usually been larger than mine. I am now in my sixties, and a new factor has entered my life. I was diagnosed with an enlarged prostate and put on a prostate-shrinking drug. The drug relieves my symptoms (frequent urination) but also seems to have caused my penis to shrink, even though it can sometimes reach the size it had when erect in the past. I realize that some shrinking of penis size is normal as men age. But now when I look in the mirror naked, I see a really small penis and this depresses me (and makes me self-conscious in the shower room).

In short, I pretty well accepted having a small endowment, but now that endowment seems to be becoming even shorter! Groan. I feel that many older men, particularly those on prostate meds, may be experiencing this phenomenon. Sorry to say it, but it does affect one’s self-esteem at least somewhat.

Having thought about this for the past year, I have come to the conclusion that the great advice on this site also applies to me and men like me. Be happy with what I’ve got, appreciate my penis as a beautiful part of me, and pay no attention to anybody who might turn a disapproving eye on it. But let’s be honest: it’s hard to stay positive about this. A loving partner can be very helpful. And I think it’s also helpful to be upfront with any partner, to let him know that “Hey, I’m still in here, still the same sexy guy I always was.” I plan to visit several old friends this summer (who have been sex partners of mine in the past), and I intend to be very honest with them and be proud of who I am and what I still have to offer. We might even have a good chuckle about it, and then get on with all the intimacy we can muster.

And it should go without saying, good sex is far more than penis size. The whole body is capable of amazing sensations and pleasures. The “blessing” in this may be that it de-emphasizes the focus on the penis during sex and leads us to new vistas. Like so much in life—as we grow more mature, we can become more mindful and sensitive towards ourselves and our partner. Good wishes to all who find themselves on this path.

If Jay’s message impacted you the way it has me, your heart has gone out to a thoughtful man. A man in his sixties, based on the all to familiar size matters comments, the jokes and teasing, has endured an unwarranted emotional dilemma by simply seeing his penis in a mirror. The emotional pangs are even present by being with or seeing larger size men. Jay is a man many of us can identity with.

Jay is also a man that has gone beyond the superficial mores of human intimacy so common in those who are basically out for no more than a piece of ass. He has discovered the essence of life’s most valued gift, that sex is so much more than being penetrated by an enormous penis, that human intimacy does not begin and end with a man’s dick.

Reread Jay’s last paragraph. It reflects a profound and basic truth.

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Me & My Body

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This is a hard-won perspective written by a man named Tom, a perspective developed against the odds during the course of his lifetime. Tom thought Enlightened Male would be a good place to tell the world his story, and for that I am grateful.   -Martin

ME & MY BODY

I grew up with definite feelings of shame about my body, especially those parts between the navel and the knees that didn’t even really have names in my family. I didn’t talk about my penis or my anus even when I had medical problems or a curiosity about what was happening to me during puberty. Anything going on ‘down there’ was a taboo subject in our household so nudity was never even considered an option.

The lack of information about sex and sexuality left me in the dark to find my own way around. Information and misinformation was gleaned from my peer group many of whom were equally in the dark. Thus like a huge majority of mankind I grew up thinking that the sensual, sexual and even aesthetic appeal of bodies was something to be ashamed of and to hide.

I am now in my middle sixties and for the past twenty years I have begun to celebrate my own unique body that gives me huge pleasure as well as some pain and I have come to the realisation that I am not ugly because I’m fat, not disgusting because I’m getting older and my skin is not as smooth and unblemished as it once was, not unlovable because it takes me longer to get an erection and sometimes I can’t sustain it. I’m not alone in having the feelings and fantasies about others, not unique in finding bodies endlessly fascinating and that there are many people who love to be naked and uninhibited and have, hopefully, lost much of the shame that family and society have planted in us.

I now celebrate my body through being naked and enjoying the air on my skin, I am uninhibited about being photographed without my clothes and sharing these images with those in the world who aren’t shocked by the sight of a male body and the erect penis.

I am fascinated by my fellow man and the beauty of his body and endeavour to capture these wonderful creatures on camera and hopefully, together with my models, I can find a new way of representing us and our sensibilities to the rest of the world. We are not just the stereotypes that the media and advertising promote but we come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. We also have our own particular racial characteristics and are informed by our sexuality. Many of us have physical and psychological differences and, most importantly we are all born, grow old and die and at every stage of that journey we are equally valid.

Some say our bodies are ravaged by time. Maybe, in our extreme old age, they are. But a better term for our bodies prior to our extreme old age would simply be aged. Time changes our bodies like a splash of water changes a fine painting done in water colors. It’s in the cards for all of us, and it happens so much quicker than we think possible. This is why Enlightened Male exists, to celebrate our bodies and ourselves, to illustrate the beauty of life beyond material and theological clutter, to focus on the basic and important things Mother Nature has given us. Maybe Tom has helped us learn to accept and enjoy who we are, and have fun simply appreciating it.

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The Grand Design

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Men:
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When you think about it, you realize the male body could have had a much more practical design. All the drama could have been eliminated. The testicles for example: they could just as easily been on the inside instead of hanging down between our legs. Certainly men would have been far less vulnerable. Why add a body part that so many say makes a man look indecent when he’s naked.

Pubic hair isn’t necessary either. It certainly doesn’t help keep you warm and it doesn’t assist reproduction (though many believe that two hairy pubic mounds grinding together makes for some rather pleasant sensations). So why do we have it calling attention to that part of the body, adding to the concept of indecency, collecting pheromones and such, sometimes even getting stuck between our teeth. Plus, without it, you wouldn’t have to shave to get that smooth look … you would have been born with it.

The penis itself could have been designed with far less character. Why all the different sizes, shapes and colors? Why is it always protruding from our body, just hanging there as if it has nothing better to do? Why all that loose skin that slides up and down; why the walnut-shaped glans on the end, or the veiny skin, or the foreskin so many of us have to suffer being trimmed off? It could have been designed to retract into our body, only to appear in perhaps a plain pencil-like state when it’s time to procreate. Fish have something like this. And there would be many advantages: we wouldn’t look naughty when we’re naked, it wouldn’t be creating unsightly bulges in our jeans, we wouldn’t be thinking about it all the time, teenagers would never get caught playing with themselves.

Even the anus doesn’t have to be so dramatic, hidden as it is within those fleshy globes, always damp and dewy, igniting the lurid imaginations of so many adventurous lovers. It could have been nothing more than a nondescript orifice barely perceptible to the casual observer, sans the pucker, the creases, the surrounding darker colors, the endless variety of hair patterns, and even that characteristic smell. In it’s current representation, you never quite know what to expect when your thumbs pry open those fleshy cheeks.

And consider the brain, our largest sex organ. It could have been programmed differently. Had it been, it would never occur to any of us that nudity is indecent. We wouldn’t be thinking about sex nineteen times a day. No masturbation or long nights of sweaty passion. No inferiority complexes over penis size. No wondering what someone looks like naked (you wouldn’t care). You would’ve never heard of oral sex, nor would it occur to you to stick your finger in or lick someones anus. There would be no such thing as a porn industry, or a suggestive swimsuit, or a condom. When a man and a woman decided to have a baby, he would simply press against her, his pencil-like penis would protract, then enter her and immediately deposit the required amount of semen. No extraordinary sensations, no holding each other late into the night, no earthy body smells or bed sheets to change in the morning. In thinking about it, I believe I have created a new fantasy for the Religious Right.

Women:

Women could have the same practical design. All the compelling nuances would be gone, the dramatic curves (which are now obviously part of her sexual allure), the divided plump folds between her legs, currently unique as snowflakes in their colorful variety of shapes and configurations, the enticing inner lips that can swell so delightfully with passion, the mysterious creases and crevices that are so engaging to explore, the mysteries we know she’s hiding when she crosses her legs. Instead she would have a barely perceptible aperture somewhere below her navel, just large enough to receive one of those pencil-like penises when she decides to get pregnant, yet quite capable of yawing open when it’s time to get a baby out. We could dispense with those feminine fragrances that steep between her legs and zing through every fiber in our bodies like a mind-altering drug.

Forget the breasts. The functioning glands would be inside her chest. Her nipples would be no puffier, larger, or sensitive than a man’s. Other than the muscular structure, just as it would be between our legs, there would be no difference between the male and female chest. At the beach everyone would be topless, and women would save a small fortune on swimsuits. The nipples would, however, swell just a bit when it comes time to accommodate a baby’s hungry lips. I guess she would have to cover them then.

Her anus, much like a man’s as it already is, would still be like a man’s, sans character. Nothing tempting about it. No drama, no potential for naughty sex. No tempted fingers or tongues, no squeals of delight, no secrets that lovers keep. Compliments of Mother Nature’s lack of inventiveness, it would be a Utopian world where humanity no longer had anything to feel modest or confused about, or ashamed of unless they’ve been eating too many Twinkies and French fries.

It all makes you think, doesn’t it. We aren’t born with a practical design. There is a compelling purpose, a purpose beyond procreation and misguided mores that so many of us have failed to recognize. I’m glad we are the way we are. Otherwise, what’s the point of living?

©Martin Brant, April 24, 2012

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Four Reasons Why Baby Boys Should Keep Their Foreskin.

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1. Circumcision is unnecessary surgery.

No medical association in the world believes routine infant circumcision is medically justified. Today, most Canadian doctors do not circumcise infants—even if parents request it—because they recognize it is unethical to force a child to undergo unnecessary amputation. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

2. Circumcision diminishes sexual enjoyment for life.

A 2007 British Journal of Urology study found that the five most sensitive parts of the penis are removed by circumcision. Foreskin is not “extra skin”—it is functional erogenous tissue containing almost half the skin and well over half the nerves of the penis. Cut it off and those nerves are gone forever, taking with them any chance of enjoying foreskin-based orgasms. Plus, the now-unprotected penis head loses sensitivity from exposure. A circumcised infant will never know the full, natural sexual experience his whole penis would have given him—and that’s a tragedy.

3. Circumcision violates children’s human rights.

All children (male, female and intersex) have a human right to a whole and intact body—so no child’s sex organs should be amputated without an urgent medical reason. A boy’s foreskin doesn’t belong to God, the government, or his parents—it belongs to him. His body, his choice!

4. Circumcision denies children’s religious freedom.

Some faith groups argue that ritual child circumcision must be permitted on the grounds of religious freedom. However, this ignores the fact that forcing a child to endure ritual circumcision—the permanent modification of the genitals to signify religious affiliation—denies the child’s religious freedom. In Canada, we have the right to follow the religion of our choice, and to decide which religious traditions we wish to observe. As such, ritual circumcision should be delayed until adulthood, when the owner of the penis can freely ask to be circumcised as an expression of his chosen faith. Circumcision is for consenting adults only!

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First Time Nudists

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The following are testimonials from people who have experienced the exhilaration of social nudity.

I was vacationing at a resort in the Caribbean. The first two days were spent on the beach sitting in a soggy swimsuit and being chafed by sand. I signed up for a day boat trip and picnic at a beach on an island away from the resort. As we were leaving, I discovered that the excursion was to an island with a nude beach! I decided to go anyway, thinking no way was anybody getting me out of my suit. I stood firm, and in fact, was the last person to give in and shed my swimsuit – I was the last one to get dressed to return to the resort. Why hadn’t someone told me about this sooner? I was hooked, and that was over 30 years ago. The phrase, “nude when possible, clothed when practical,” definitely describes me. I do wear at least shoes when vacuuming the house though as I have a habit of running over my toes with the vacuum cleaner.

My first experience was at Orient Beach. My wife & I decided to go there late in our 1st trip to St. Martin. My wife had seen a few of the ladies without their tops at the resort & had remarked that she would “never” do that, but once on Orient I stripped completely & she went without her top. When we got back home, she surprised me by asking if there were any nude beaches near where we lived (she presumed there were none, but was surprised by a mention in the paper of the “only nude beach in the area”). We’ve been going to nude beaches both at home & on vacation ever since.

I went to Haulover Beach today for the first time. It was awesome! This was my first visit to a nude beach, first time I’ve ever been nude in a “public” place other than a spa…and I found it exhilarating. Although I’m married, I went alone as my wife was off doing something with her mother, but now that I know how it feels, I’m going to get her there on the next nice day we have.  It was a bit cool today with a stiff breeze blowing, but the sun was out, so it wasn’t bad. There were people of all ages there including families with children near where I was…it was fun to watch the kids really enjoying themselves and the freedom of being nude. There were some young, attractive couples near me and some senior citizens from Quebec also near me.  It was great and I can’t wait to go again!

My wife and my first time was at Cypress Cove in Kissimmee, FLa. I have always hated wearing clothes unless it was necessary. We got to talking one night in the hot tub and I mentioned that I had been in the CyberNude chat room and thought I would like to try Cypress Cove and she agreed. Luck would have it they had an open house coming up in a couple of weeks. We went down for the open house took a tour in our clothes, felt very comfortable and then went back to our SUV got undressed and spent the rest of the day. It was very comfortable. We have been back several times and have met a couple that live there and another couple that visits often. It is great. We don’t wear clothes at home unless it is cold or we have guest. We have made friends with some couples in the local area and will be have some social visits with them. I think it is the most comfortable feeling in the world. I hate a wet bathing suit and it always fills with air in the hot tub which is a pain also. Only thing I regret is that it took my wife and I 13 yrs of marriage to discover we were both closet nudists.

My second trip to Haulover yesterday was my wife’s first trip. I was careful to not put any pressure on her, but she knew how much I enjoyed it last time, so she suggested we go together. It was a glorious day. Very warm, very sunny. The beach was packed! She only felt comfortable going top free, but hinted that in the future, she would eventually be nude. She really enjoyed laying in the sun and just relaxing and people watching. She has mentioned going again next Sunday and she even said she thought her mother would love to go and she is thinking of inviting her to go with us. It is certainly a much more enjoyable experience when shared with people you love. We even talked about getting her sister and her husband and kids to come along. Who knows…maybe it will be one big family affair on Haulover Beach! I look forward to building sand castles with my nephews.

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