Tag Archives: Human Sexuality

Perplexed by Male Sexuality

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Here is a question I been asked recently. It’s not uncommon.

“I am over 50 and have always wondered if I was on the wrong path! I love the pic’s of men, but have never had an intimate relationship with another man! I’m interested in trying sex with a man and have fantasied about this kind of a relationship! I would love to suck another mans dick and not feel self-conscientious about it! How do I approach this situation! … I need more than a woman!!!!”

My reply:

There seems to be a hint of desperation in your unvarnished but heartfelt question. Fact is, many men do not confront their bisexuality until they reach their forties or fifties, sometimes even later. Then what you have is a lifetime of accumulated, but subconscious sexual tension. Families have been raised. Careers are long since established or winding down. At your age, a man has a lot of time to think, to appraise his life, to recognize what he has been missing.

Perhaps this man has recognized the signs early on, then chose to ignore or deny them. That’s the path many men follow in our homophobic world today. It’s a shame we’ve been indoctrinated by rigid religious mores and ancient autocratic morals, when the desire for affection with other men has been encoded on our genes. Men like to be with men, socially, affectionately and yes, even intimately. Some men simply like getting naked with other men. Others may see nothing wrong with mutual masturbation, though they will almost certainly suffer guilt. Others, based on their values, their perceptions of masculinity combined with guilt, periodically seek out strangers for a quickie, usually to get it out of their system, or because of their circumstances at home. Others (my personal preference) want a relationship, a boyfriend so to speak, a bond with another man complete with trust and respect. Then some men accept the fact they are gay and go on to lead a gay lifestyle. Continue reading →

Can a “Gay” Man Go Straight?

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The answer: Quite simply the answer is NO.

But some scientists and religious groups say it’s not only possible, it happens. Wrongly, they are arguing against human genetic codes, as if to say that men wake up one day and decide they want to be gay, then change their minds at sometime in the future. As I see it, a man can no more change his sexual orientation than he can change his skin color. We’re born the way we are. Gay men want nothing to do with women sexually, except for perhaps a certain curiosity that is usually settled with a regrettable tryst.

I think what’s confusing these scientists and religious organizations is they are applying their theories to bisexual men, not gays. Certainly many bisexual men grow up believing they are gay, simply because they interpret any attraction to their own gender as gay. Many of these men will eventually realize something is missing in their lives. They discover their natural attraction to women. They have a desire to father children in the traditional sense. They recognize the magical connection between a man and a woman, and they want the kind of emotional love only a woman can provide, not to discount the powerful bonds that are possible between two gay men.

So these men come to believe they want to “turn straight”. Fact is they are not converting from anything. They have only decided to choose the other of the two paths given to them by Mother Nature, which confuses a lot of scientists and religious organizations, not to mention the man himself and everyone who knows him. As complicated as human sexuality appears to be, it is really quite simple … we are born the way we are.

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The following article written in 2001 is from the Washington Post. It is a perfect example of the confusion I am talking about. Continue reading →

Bisexuality … One Woman’s Challenge

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I often hear from women that are grappling with their husband’s or boyfriend’s bisexuality. Often their story touches my soul. Pam’s challenge for example. She has been going with her boyfriend for five years, basically a marriage when it comes to affairs of the heart. Three years in, she learned her boyfriend has had a quickie with another woman, which led to his confession about his bisexuality and his countless encounters with men.

Here are Pam’s own words:

“I stumbled on your website and signed up immediately after reading your pages on bisexuality. My boyfriend is bisexual and it took nearly 3 years before he told me about it. We have been together for five years.

His experiences in our relationship were frequent anonymous encounters with men and occasionally a female, but his attraction is mainly to men. When he told me about it, it came about after I discovered he has slept with another woman. Telling me that it was rare for him to be with another woman, left me extremely hurt because I didn’t believe him. But, when he told me about being with other men and that he had been with hundreds, I realized we had a more than his bisexuality to discuss. Continue reading →

Life’s Trials as a Transgender Female

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What follows are words from a woman born in a man’s body, the emotions involved and the trials endured by someone struggling to find a place in our world for herself. I have included photographs of women who may have, to some degree or another, gone through similar circumstances. They have all made transformation from male bodies to female, short of the final step of genital reassignment, which they may or may not be planning to do. Some of them have erections, which is often not likely after a long period of estrogen treatments. For reasons of their own, they have posed for these stunning photos.

By Leslie, in her own words:

Two weeks ago, I found this blog completely by accident while researching Transgender issues and health concerns. I found pictures of younger and prettier women than myself, yet I have found a measure of healing from those images. Even though I can not ever really look like them now, I can still join them given time.

I lived the horror of being born Trans Female in Texas. Born in 1955, I grew up watching the other girls develop, realizing that I was doomed to live out my life imprisoned in the body of a man. I tried to talk to my parents and get help. My mother tried to understand and my father …my father almost killed me.

From the time I was caught dancing bare foot on the hardwood floor of the living room in one of my mother’s dresses at the age of 9, I was beaten and threatened any time I showed the least bit of femininity. After numerous broken bones and death threats, I went into hiding. I left home as soon as I had my first job at the age of 17.

Life was dangerous for a Trans Girl in 1974. There were frequent stories in the news about “freak boy/girls” being found dead. I stayed in hiding. I intentionally took on the most dangerous adventurous jobs I could find. I survived being shot, stabbed, gassed, set on fire, blown up, struck by lightening and many other dangerous and exciting activities. I never even thought I was attempting suicide; I was just proving to my father that I was tough.

Eventually I married a woman. Now, I can admit that my only interest in her was to appease my abusive father. Over the course of time, I divorced and married 3 times. I “fathered” 3 children that I was forced by circumstance to leave and become an absent parent. I worked hard over the years to re-establish some form of trust with my children. They have given me 9 grandchildren.

The incongruity of being a woman trapped in the body of a man continued to grow. To this day, I can not look in a mirror without seeing the momentary flash of my true self. I saw her just this morning. Then reality imposed itself on my vision and I stood looking at the male-ish form I am trapped in.

She’s beautiful, now a middle aged Welsh, Irish, Native American mix. Her hair is graying and she has the scars and lines of a hard life on her face. Still she is a wonderful sight. I want to be able to get more than a fleeting glance of her. I want the world to see HER.

 I stand 6 feet 2 inches tall and weigh 200 pounds, so that I am rather large. I wear a size 44 jacket. I look similar to that wonderful blonde woman (left) in the corset, only I look more Native when she is Scandinavian.

I had to leave Texas, when I refused to conform to the wishes of my family and their interference in my life. There have been moments when I contemplated suicide. Since I have never accepted Christian theology and believe in reincarnation, I did not want to have to repeat my failure to overcome the adversities of this life. I dismissed thoughts of death and decided to make the best of what I can become.

I came out while in college at the tender age of 53. I lived the sheltered life of a Continue reading →

Big Surprise

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Bisexuals Really Do Exist!

An article from the New York Times by David Tuller

The finding is not likely to surprise bisexuals, who have long asserted that attraction often is not limited to one sex. But for many years the question of bisexuality has bedeviled scientists. A widely publicized study published in 2005, also by researchers at Northwestern, reported that “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction, it remains to be shown that male bisexuality exists.”

That conclusion outraged bisexual men and women, who said it appeared to support a stereotype of bisexual men as closeted homosexuals.

In the new study, published online in the journal Biological Psychology, the researchers relied on more stringent criteria for selecting participants. To improve their chances of finding men aroused by women as well as men, the researchers recruited subjects from online venues specifically catering to bisexuals.

They also required participants to have had sexual experiences with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex.

Men in the 2005 study, on the other hand, were recruited through advertisements in gay-oriented and alternative publications and were identified as heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual based on responses to a standard questionnaire.

Continue reading →